OUT AND ABOUT TOWN.

Poverty Bay Independent, Volume I, Issue 50, 17 September 1885, Page 3

OUT AND ABOUT TOWN.

(To the Editor of the P.B. Independent.) Sik, —The propensity xrf the Old Gentleman to quote scripture is prettywell known to all, so that /he readers of the “ Gentility-withcut-Ability ” journal could not be surprised when they perused that master piece of “ Heapeism ’’ criticising the action of the Colonial Press for reproducing portions of the “ London scanpal.” I once knew a rascal deeply- dyed in every species of vice that ordinary people are taught to detest and abjjor, and whenever he was bowled out' in any villany he used to brazen it outAritb the remark of “JKell, my- dear feflow, I will give of advice, and it is this: Asjjpe a virtue if yot/ possess it not, and nine times out of ten it will pull you through." The aniount of literarygenius and lofty aspiration displayed in that crushing production outrivals even Jack the Giant Killer or) Blue Beard. Fancy our member sliding off the rail which he has sat on so long. But he has slid down on the wrong side for his constituency, which will stand a poor show of getting the Tologa telegraph or anything else now. ’Twas a very grateful act of Sammy, and will, no doubt, be fully appreciated by the Ministry—and the electors Only a /"jo.oco scheme on the boards! Some one seems to be getting positively ravenous. Well, I suppose we must get up something whereby we can have a few more Engineering experiments at the public expense—a sort of Gisborne High School in the Engineering line. Do you know, Mr Editor, that when I read your articles upon the state of the Borough finances, I thought we had already got a most perfect drainage scheme in this snug little town, whereby the money was well drained into certain recepticles. Then if the mountain won’t come to Mahomed why Maho~ed must go to the mountain, and if we have an Engineer we must find him some means of whiling away the happy hours, and an excuse for drawing his screw. Well there was one thing certainly real about the opening of the bridge—

and that was the champagne. No, I mean the champagne was opened (and the people’s eyes as well) and not the bridge, which was kept closed by Horatius and his captains and senators for fear that with their harness on their backs they might be plunged headlong into the tide. Excuse ray poetical reference, Mr Editor, as I only used it to show what a gigantic stride we moderners have made (both in Engineering skill and caution) since the time when those mean and unprincipled Roman Senators use to bleed the ratepayers to keep their own show running. How small and illused old Xerxes, (who got a little kudos for his shakv old bridge at Abvdos, 2,365 years ago) would have felt 'if he h<d heard that there was some “ MORAL FIBRE ” about the “ Greatest Work on the East Coast! ’ Oh, Rennie, Telford, Brunel, Stephenson or Locke, give me one or all of your mantles (or old clothes) so that I may make up a dummy for—well, if not for Westminster Abbey for Burch’s Gallery. Yum, yum, yum 1 I have been suffering somewhat from indigestion through having had to swallow so many tough morsels lately, consequently my rest has been somewhat disturbed, and the other night I had a very peculiar dream. Methought I heard several deep drawn sighs of “ Oh, that Bridge ” (I thought I had been transported to Venice and was standing on the “ Bridge of Sighs ”) and

in the gloom I saw a dejected Soc-

man of gloomy countenance and downcast appearance. Suddenly appeared

beside him a smiling and anxious face, which in bland and dulcet tones said y" Oh, just leave it to me and I’ll man- ♦ age to pull you through alright, and make a great man of you in the bargain. You’r too useful to lose just now when the ball is just opening and a special loan in view. 11l get up a lunch at your expense and we ll say all manner of fine things about you,—just a blind—you’ll get the honor of the bridge, and 1’1! get the honor of being liberal. We'll both have a jolly dance, and the public will pay the piper. Mum's the word and we’ll gull everybody and turn the tables." A gastly smile parted the gloomy one’s lips and a ray of hope illumined his careworn countenance as he lowly murmured his thanks, and then they spoke in such an inaudable tone that I only caught disjointed sentences of—never mind the children, they know nothing—square the master—Sam—Joyce blind—lndependent asleep— not see through it,— grand idea—worth /50 —pretend to swing the bridge—all be gulled—ah, ah, ah!"—The rattle of a cash box woke me up —I’m always awake when I hear the sound of that metallic chink. Ive been wondering ever since what M that dream meant and whether past events cast their shadows behind.—l don’t see why they should not. That was a savory dish which was served tip with “onions" and “garlic the other day, and tended to prove the old proverb that when certain members of society fail out honest men get their own—(kudosfor Joyce!) Sallvup the alley slanging one of her friends because he did not assist her in explor-

ing Billingsgate, and smothering the gravel question. T! e old lady is evidently lost to al! sense of decency, and her bran new gown only serves to showoffthedeformities and thebesetting sins of a mis-spent life. I’m afraid she’ll end her days in the Whan—or the Whataupoko pound ! Snide.