HUMOUR--- More or Less

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LXIII, Issue 19136, 3 October 1936, Page 13

HUMOUR---More or Less

Frankness. Auntie had just hud a sip of whisky, when her littie niece came and kissed her good night. "00, auntie, ” said (he child, "you’ve been using daddy’s scent.’’ Ring Off ! Farmer Brown had gone up to London for a few days. Before die started lie had promised to buy his daughter a present, so he went into a jeweller’s shop and said to the assistant, "I want a pair of ear-rings, cheap, but pretty. They are for a present.’’ "Yes, sir,’’ said tin' assistant. "You want something a trifle loud, 1 suppose?’’ "Well, I don’t mind if one of them is a trifle loud,’’ replied the farmer. "My girl’s deaf' in one ear.’’ Double Dutch! ".Bead the top line,” said the occulist, handing ilio paiient a test card with letters JTPTttVZBFHK. _ Moments went by. The patient stared at the card steadily but blankly. Finally the .occulist. grew impatient. "Do you mean to tell me,” ho barked, "that you can'l read letters that size?” "1 can see the letters all right, but I can’t pronounce the wretched word.” Quite a Tall Order. The golfer stepped up 1o the tee and drove oil’; the ball sailed straight down the fairway, leapt on to the green and dived into the hole. "What have you suddenly gone crazy about?” asked the goiter’s wife, who was trying to learn something about (he game. “ Why, 1 just did a hole in one!” veiled the golfer, a wild gleam of delight in his eyes. "Did yon?” said his wife, placidly. "Do it again, dear, I didn’t see you.’’

Careless. "So he is a reckless driver?” When the road turns the same way as he does it’s just a coincidence.” Wiser A pretty young nurse was selling poppies when a potential buyer, a young man, told her that he would give her £1 for a poppy, provided she would promise to nurse him, if at any time he went to her hospital. She agreed. "By the way,” the young man asked, "where is your hospital?” "I am at the Maternity Hospital,” meekly replied the pretty nurse, putting the note into the box. All Honour To Her! An old Irish lady had a reputation for being a very strict disciplinarian, although a loving wife and the mother of a largo family. She was the sort of woman who would not tolerate much nonsense from anybody. One day she met the priest, wli.o, La the course of conversation, remarked to her: "Do you know, I think your husband is one of the most j saintly men I have ever met!” "Share, and why shouldn’t ho be,”* was her reply. "Haven’t I the divil knocked out of him years ago?” The Officers’ Mess. A country woman went the other day to the’ barracks at Warwick to see her son, wh.o had been joined up some time, and as his name was Smith it was difficult to locate him, there being so manv Smiths in the depot. And while talking to the sergeant on guard the sergeant said to the woman: "There is a Smith in the officers mess. I wonder if that’s him?” "You can bet your life that’s Mm?” said the woman. "Why, what makes you think so', said the sergeant. "Well,” said the woman, ’e was always in some darned mess or another when he was at ’ome, so it’s Mm right enough.”