HUMOUR--- More or Less

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LXIII, Issue 19124, 19 September 1936, Page 10

HUMOUR---More or Less

"A mutilated 10s note was presented by a young woman at a Croydon Post Office recently. Form P.B2SG was handed to her and these are Uio answers given; "Question: In what circumstances was the note damaged' Give date, time, place, etc. "Answer: Chewed by baby, May 1. 0.30 p.m., Baby's cot. ''Question: What has become of any part of the note which is missing? "Answer: Inside baby." —Post Oifice Magazine, London. * * * A Welsh clergyman, preaching in England before an English congregation which he took to be not too well educated, gave out his text in English and then said: "It is rather interesting to hear it in the original Hebrew," whereupon he repeated it in Welsh. Pleased with the impression it appeared to make, he went on: "The Greek version is also significant," and said something else iii Welsh. , Everything seemed to be going splendidly, until a man at the back of the church, unfortunately a 'Welshman, stood up and was just about to protest when, like lightning, the preacher forestalled him. "Most interesting of all, however," he proclaimed loudly, "is the Arabic. It is as follows " And this time he said in Welsh: "Shut i)]i, you fool! Don't go and give me away!" The man at' the back sat down again; the congregation marvelled at the preacher's knowledge. Missed Her The conductor came through the car collecting fares. "He's only five years old," remarked a mother when the official looked at her boy. When the conductor reached the fai oud of the car, it occurred to the uoy that an important bit of information had been overlooked. "Mother is 36!" lie shouted. Take Your Time. "Well, dear," said Mr. Blair, after tea had been cleared away, "what are you planning to do to-night?" Mrs. Blair shrugged her shoulders. '•'Nothing special," she replied. "I'll probably write a letter or two, read, listen to the radio, and so qn." "I see," he replied. "When you come to the so on, don't forget my shirt buttons." A Sure Thing. An excited man rushed up to a bookmaker just as the three horses in the race were at the post, and put £2O on one of them. "That's great," he said delightedly as the bookmaker handed him his ticket. "You seem very sure of winning," said the bookmaker. "I am," replied the punter. "That horse won't be beaten." "I wouldn't bo too sure if I were yon," retorted the bookie, "L happen to own that horse."

"That's all right," said the punier " 1 own the other two.*'

Progress "Well, and how are you getting on with your courtship of the banker's daughter?" asked Jackson. The young suitor beamed happily. "Not so bad," he replied. "I'm getting some encouragement now." "Really," put in a friend. "Is she beginning to smile sweetly on yon, or something?" "Not exactly," replied tlie young man, "but last night she told me sin; had said 'No!' for the last time. Check TJp He took her in his arms. "Oh, darling," he murmured; "I love you so. Please say you'll be mine. I'm not rich like Percival Brown. I haven't a car, or a line house, or a well-stocked cellar, but, darling, J love you, and I cannot live without you! " Two soft arms stole around his neck' and two ruby lips whispered in his ear: "And I love you, too, darling, but — where is this man Brown?" Tar-Reaching Karely has one read anything about the late G. K. Chesterton without some reference being made to his prominent figure. He himself made it a subject of ready wit. It is recorded of him that when, during the late war, a lady reproached him vrith, "Why aren't you at the front?" he replied, "Madam, if you look at me sideways you will see that I am." The Platform "Popper, what is a platform?" "A platform is a declaration of unobtainable objectives, so expressed as to arouse the maximum confusion with the minimum sincerity. It is a statement made by politicians with loose memories for consumption by voters who seldom read more than a page of anything unless it has pictures. Drums! kittle Betty and Junior had attended a talk" by a returned missionarv. • "What did he tell you about the heathen?" asked their grandmother. "Oh, he said that they were often very hungry, and when they beat, on their tumtums, it could be heard for miles."