HUMOUR--- More or Less

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LXII, Issue 18757, 13 July 1935, Page 9

HUMOUR --- More or Less

Doctor (attending, patient who had just, been brought to the infirmary) _D*I can’t think what kind.of animal bit you. It is too large for a dog, yet too. small for a ..horse. Whatever was it?” ■■ ' "Another lady, sir!” * ’ ’ ■;*'* * " / v ' ' A- Chinese named Kan Kum promised to visit a friend but, being taken” sick;'.sent Ill's brother to the telegraph office.to send a wire about it. Tliis is whiVt. he hatided in: '“Kan Kum can ’t conic.- Will come when can eotno —Willie Kum.” He was ,on- his ;wa.v home with lii.s new Car,'which, was absorbing all his attention,-when it struck him that he had,,'forgotten something. Twice. he\.sfqpped,' : counted Ids parcels; and searched his ppekoiboo.k, but finally 'deeuled ‘ ho had everything with him. When he.; reached home his daughter fail ‘ out. stopped with a surprised jobk. on lior face, and cried. ‘• Why, - fhtlveY, wheW's mother;?

Sermons in brief have become, in recent years, a familiar feature of certain church notice-boards in town and country in Britain. Passers-by were aiimsed instead of being edified by an unhappy conjunction seen recently in a midland town. Outside one. chapel appeared, the admonition: "Love your enemies; make your worst enemy your best friend. ” In the same road only a few hundred yards from the first notice another ’board carried out the good work by announcing: "four worst enemy is drink. ” Her Status Dear Old Soul—But, doctor, if this is goiiig to make me 10 years younger how do I stand about my old age pension? • Encouragement. Criminal (who has got a life sentence) —Oh, judge, I shall never’live to do it. Kindly Judge—Never nulnl,.' my man, do as much of it ns yougeau. Did He Blush . ; A lit tie boy of six was recovering .from \ari anaesthetic' after, .a minor operation. When the auburn-haired nurse peeped round the screen to see how- Jtp'., was., -progressing-,; she was somewhat taken aback to bo greeted with: "Hi. (linger, bring me my t ibusis. • 1 want to go home -!,” A'Warning. . g- Sa-nidy .3nuio;-: : j..V.e- promised to gie tn."' saxpence if T was toji at school. V'Vcr been top boy for two weeks running. . , .Stilldy Senior: Well, here’s a shilling, blit ve must gie up studying so hard. It ’s no good for ye. In Doubt. " What has become of the man who used-40 sasf/, Every day, in even;, wayvk'gvve ’re. getting bettor and better’?” "I don’t know,” answered Miss Cayenne, ."whether lie wont to heaven or whether •.••he has joined old friends at ‘headquarters of, the; Ananias Chib.”--' Bright Girl. During the day, Mrs Brown discharged her old maid and hired a now one, who answered the door bf 11 when Mr. Brown arrived home in the evening. lie earned a bunch of roses, which ho handed to the maid, saying: "Present these to Mrs Brown, telling her I want to sce her tit once.” ,All. right,'.’ said the. maid, ‘‘.but you better make, i,t snappy, because she expects the old man any minute now.” Barbara, the modern miss, was visiting her aged grandmother. During conversation the question of marriage arpre. ‘ ‘ What heavy, unwieldy things the old-fashioned weddingrings were,” said the girl, catching sight of one on her grandmother’s finger. "Yes, dear,” was the reply, "but tn my day they were made to last a lifetime.”