HUMOUR--- More or Less

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LIX, Issue 17953, 3 December 1932, Page 10

HUMOUR---More or Less

Skipper. “I am sorry to hear, Captain Storm, that your wife left you so unceremoniously.” “Mv mistake. I took her for a mate and she proved to be a skipper.'’ Lucky. An evening paper reports that, during a recent storm a flash of lightning entered a lawyer's office by the window and went out through the door without any harm being done. It was lucky to get oil like I hut. Punch. Busy. An Italian about to be admitted to the full citizenship of the U.S.A. had to appear before a State official to answer certain formal questions. Allien that part of the business was over the official, anxious to discover it the new citizen appreciated all the possibilities of his new status, drawled: “Now, see here, you could be the President of the United States.” And the new citizen sir, you cxeusa me. Me very busy in the ice-a cream business. ’ ’ Due Notice. Jackson was celebrating the occasion of his twenty-first birthday. As midnight drew near it became obvious that he had dined well but very unwisely, and one of his friends undertook to escort him home. Some time later the pair arrived at the road in which the young man lived. “I say, old boy,” said the obliging friend, “what’s the number of your house?” “Don’t arsk silk questions,” replied the other. “Itsh on the gate.” That Was That! Don Bradman tells this one: At a village match in England the local butcher was batting when a ball bumped up and hit him on the head, from which the wicket-keeper made a catch. “Out!” yelled the umpire. “But it’s off my head, not my bat,” protested the player. “I don’t know where it 'it you,” replied the umpire, “but I knows the sound of wood, so hout you go.” The Mirror. It is recorded in an Alaska paper that an old sourdough with moss in his whiskers picked up a mirror that has been dropped from Joe Crosson’s plane. He looked at it and said: “Well, I’ll be goldarncd if it don't be my old Dad. I never knoived lie had his pitchur took.” He took it home and stole into the attic to hide it, but his lady wife spotted him. While he slept she nipped up and had a look at it. “Humph,” she said, “so that’s the old hag he’s been a-chasin’ of lately.”

The Countryman’s Humor. A barking dog died, and its owner, suspecting poison, summoned a neighbor. Another neighbor being subpoenaed as witness, the following cross-examination occurred: — “AA’hat did the dog die of?” “A died of a A’riday, zur.” “Yes, but how did he die?” “On ’a’s back, zur.” “Yes, but what made him die?”

“A’s heart gived out, zur. ” “Yes, yes, but how did he come by his death?” “A didden come to it, zur, it conic to he.”

“Yes, yes, yes, my good man, but what was the complaint?”

“Timer wadden never no complaint zur, the neighbors was all satisfied.’