HUMOUR---More or Less

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LV, Issue 17607, 24 October 1931, Page 14

HUMOUR---More or Less

“Women are beginning to take up law.’’ Well, it’s time. They’ve being laying it down long enough. * * * n If the wife laughs at your jokes, you cun be sure either that you know some good, ones or you have a good wife. Gmail Boy (who has been scolded by his mother): “1 say, dad, we’d have had a fine time doing as we liked if you hadn’t married mother.” The small boy was.having tea away from home, but when hjs hostess asked him to have another piece of cake he refused. “Why,’’ she inquired, “are you troubled with a poor appetite?” “No,” lie replied, •'but I’m troubled with politeness!” ; ■» ,* •* * “Do you think it's possible to love two women at the same time 7” “Not if they know about it.” Ghe (pouting): You used to tell me that I was passing fair.; He: I know, but you’ve got past. # *'#"#' Little Boy (looking at his mother’s new fur coat): How that poor beast must have suffered that you could have such a fur coat. . , * Mother: Hush, Roscoe. You should not talk so of'your father. * , * “What should one do when one has spilt red ink on a valuable carpet?” asks a correspondent. In the case of a married man lie merely listens. , “Give.till.it hurts” is followed by taxed till it hurts. ■* ■** *' Go far the eminent economists and financiers have refrained from attributing trade depression to sun spots.

There is a church in the north of Scotland which during eoi tain seasons is largely attended by sportsmen — sometimes accompanied by their collies. One Sunday the usual minister was on holiday, and his substitute was discovered to possess a droning, monotonous voice. This caused one of the collies to begin whining uneasily. The clergyman finally said. “ Kindly take that dog away at; once!” The owner of the dog, a brawny, independent Highlander, rose and, glowering at tlie minister, muttered, “It was you that began it!” * * * * Hidcfen Assets. The Department of Commerce estimates Canada’s retaliatory tariff rates will cost the United States ,£5.000,0b0. Well, we can take the bottles back and get that much. The Ruling Passion.

After a certain fight,--tho surgeon told the chaplain that one poor fellow was quite beyond hope. The chaplain leaned over the dying sokner. “Well, my clear fellow,” he began in a voice of deep emotion, “you are very badly wounded, and if you have anything to say, or any word that you want sent to your family, teJl mo now.” The poor fellow understood. “My inside coat pocket,” he breathed, painfully. The chaplain felt a pocket-book there, and took it out. “Is that, what you want?” “Yes,” was the faint reply.- “Open it.” “Here is a ten-shilling note. Is that what von want?” “Yes.” “What shall I do with it?” Then the soldier said in a whisper, “Bet you .ten bob I don’t die.” : And lie did not.

| It is, perhaps, a pity that so many of the anecdotes'.which my brethren concoct and recite should be connected with alcohol and domestic infelicity, but only the ultra narrowminded would bar a good yarn on that account, and I dare to set The following one down here; though many readers may already know it. I admit having broadcast it from Loudon myself a few years ago. and others may have spread it around since, writes Mr. Harold Thomson in John o’London’s Weekly. A Highlander who had not been getting on too well with his wife met the local minister one day and , that good man said:— “ What’s this I hear about you and your wife, John? They say you’ve got to quarrelling. Don’t you love her?” “I married her, -didn’t I?” John returned. “Yes, yes, 1 know. But do you ever tell her that you love her?” “Och, she kens that fine.” k “Now look here,” the well-inten-tioned minister said. “You take a word of advice from mo. As soon as you get home to-night tell the wife

you love her. You’ll differ* enee it Will make.”* '* *■ John determined' to try the thing out, but when he met his wife in the cottage porch' she had so much to say that he didn’t get a word in* It seemed that throughout the day* everything, had gone, wtong. Two of her best, pullets, had been killed by a ear; a child had been scalded in the copper; some of the washing which had been hung out to dry had blown up the hill and been dirtied—-and the roof was leaking! John listened to the doleful tale; then steadied, liiinself and, putting a hand on the woman’s'shoulder, said:— said:— “.Never you mind all that, Jeanie — for 1 love you. ” ■ - She stared at him, put her hands to her eyes, and exclaimed:—. “Oh gosh! An now you’re hame drunk!”. ? "■ How the News Got Round. Visitor (to host’s little: girl)i “How do you know: this is the first pf the month ? ” ; 1:- ■? /( y- T fc-J Little Girl: “ ’Cause all of Daddy’s; letters got front windows in them.”