HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LV, Issue 17233, 12 April 1930, Page 13

HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

CURIOUS.

' ’ The negro wns being tried and asked I for time to obtain logoi assistance. f I ‘‘Legal assistance! ” snapped tin' I judge. ” You were caught in the jewelJl I lev’s shop, two policemen saw you. I You had the goods on you, ami you | ! have been convicted forty-two times. ‘ I Xow, what could a lawyer say for | you?” “ Well, salt, judge,” sttid thi‘ negro, ‘■that’s just what I’ll sure be intererted lull know.” y RATHER YOUNG. Tommy, the youngster of his family, accompanied his mother on a visit to see his married sister's new baby girl. ’ i After barely glancing at the child. ’. Tommy began to wander aimlessly ' j round the room. Soon, however, he be'j came absorbed in the contents of the i baby \s basket. ’I One after the other the boy began to take out the things and scatter thrill about the floor, which was soon covered with the dainty trilles. Sud- ' ilenlv he gave an exclamation and held up a powder puff. ''l say, sis.” he cried in shocked .tones, ‘‘isn't your baby rather young ' Ini' t his sort of t liing ’ ’ j COOKDI NATEL>. I “Is your wife Inning tiny success in learning to drive the car?” ‘‘Well, the road i.s beginning to turn 1 when site does.” 1 NOT A HEAHT. I Site touches up her hair. ■ i Site touches up her face, 1 She i ouches up her eyebrows, Her folderols and lace. She touches up her thumbnails, I Tier fingers, one, two, three, She touches up her dimples — I And then she touches me. # # # * REASSURED. "Ons,” said Bill as he caught up with Gus on the way back to camp, ‘‘are all the rest of the boys out of the woods yet?” I ‘‘Yes,” said Gus. I ‘‘All six of them?” i ‘‘Yes, all six of them.” ‘‘And they're all safe?” ‘‘Yep',” answered Gus, ‘‘they’re all safe.” “Then.” said Bill, his chest swelling, ‘‘l’ve shot a deer.” i * * « TiIEN ‘ ‘ SWEET A DELINE. ’ ’ Pastor- —And if I had niv way I’d throw till the liquor in this town into the river. We will now sing the concluding hymn. Choirmaster —The congregation will please rise and sing hymn No. 7<>, ‘‘Shall We Gather at the River.” * * * * AN AMERICAN CUSTOM. ... i A visitor was playing golf with an English peer, and (he former had been carving up the turf till over t he course. | Eventually the peer said: “Pardon me, but is it not; the custom in your club to replace the divot?” “Divot?” remarked the visitor, what -do you mean?” “1 Incan, don’t you replace the turf ? ’ ’ “Replace the turf?” the visitor repeated. “Oh, no; only when putting.” *'■ 1* * SO IT WOULD. They wandered out of the movie, she clutching his arm. 1 '“Oh.' Gilbert,” she murmured, “’wasn’t ‘Oliver Twist’ it perfectly .marvellous film?” “It wtts,” he replied. “D’vou know, darling, all the time 1 was watching it f kept thinking what a wonderful book il would make.”

aml purifv the air in llio simplest numiK'r possible. 'flic action was entirely automat ir, and it eliminated all resistance to the passage of the air to the engine. The oxygen was separated from the nitrogen, the former passing to the engine and the nitrogen itito the atmosphere. Ail the tests of the invention abroad had been successful from both economic anti practical standpoints. OIL ENGINES JX RACING CARS. LONDON. Feb. 2d. i Tiemcndous interest lia.s been caused , among motorists and also in aviation and motor-boating circles by the no tvs of the secretly-built British high-speed engine working on the Diesel principle) and using heavy oil. i This engine, built in the .Sunbeam works at wblvorha'hipton, is the result of years of experiment arid has been designed by Mr. Louis Coatalen, wild is also'tlie designer of the Silver Builet car in which Mr. Kaye Don is to attempt to beat'the world’s laud speed record. I Mr. Coatalen said yesterday that tie will take the oil engine to the United States with him when the speeil attempt is made. He regrets he has not had time to put this type of engine in' the Silver Bui lei. j AS GOOD AS PETROL TVI*K. “I could easily convert the present 12-cyibidcr petrol engines in the Silver I Bullet to my type of heavy-oil engine." he sit id. “I' am convinced they would behave as well, and that I. could get as much speed as wiili the petrol type. I "ll would only be necessary to change the cylinder heads and put the fuel valve in the [dace now 'occupied by the sparking plug. 'Perhaps at some future date I shall be able to use the heavy-oil' engine for attempts to create records.’'’ I Captain Malcolm Campbell, the racing driver, said engines of this tvpc would be invaluable, particularly for motor-bout and air work, ns they would olimiiiate the danger of tire. snvKssm, KXPKDJLNT. A doctor in Noi l hern Nigeria Jel l his car, which had battery ignition, on one side of a river while he crossed ever to attend a patient at a mission j station, and during his absence mischievous black boys exhausted the battery'' by playing with the horn and lights. Procuring a bicycle, he re- ■ moved tin* bach tyre, turned the ; machine Upside-down on some boxes, and coupled the back wheel' with the .dynamo drive by 'Means of an extemporised belt. With this 1 makeshift (power plant, he managed to generate sufficient, current to charge the battery ftillv enough to supply ignition for his return journey.

LAZY PARTNER.

‘‘Prance won't give worn (Mi any political rights; she gives them very lew local infills; and yof French womipii do a Id" share ol ihe country's work. ’ ’ Count Amaury do Villonouvo \ once of Tours, wlio.se mot her was a Philadelphian, was discussing the woman fpiestion at a ilinnor in -Vow York. “In I lie country, for instance, the position of I lie women reminds me of a story. “I was limit in" in the Tennessee mountains last year, and an elderly ' Tennesseean cave me Jnneli one day in his cabin. While I was eat in;:, lie talked oil and on about l!ie hard times in Tennessee, but finally I said to turn: “ ‘But friend, look hero; couldn't you make money shipping green corn to the northern markets.’' “ ‘T mont.’ he agreed in a sullen wav. “ 'Yon have the land. 1 suppose.! and you could got the seed?’ “ ‘ V(, l’- y'l'-’ “ ‘ Well. Hit'll, why don’t you start i a on 11 1 is propos'd ion ’ “ CVb us.', stranger. The old woman’s too lazy to do the plowin'i and pin til in ’

SAY WHEN!

Alanv ynnis of flio “ inotoontli ’ • liojo I'mvi' lioe'onio classics, hut now is ony hot lor ! Inin Iho one uo’Ti'd il <•<l to I’oh MacDonald, tlio big Scotch pro. A follow Sootsioiin, .luck Rurgoss, was |,o111■ i 1 ouo dnv aftor a round uiiil n'liuii’k(>i| to Bob: ‘‘Say ‘when,’ Holt, ‘ wiion. ’ ” Huh never lookoil u|i hilt nn~worod: “Always oovor the ice, iny hoy, ah wavs envoi’ too ioo. ’’ “ I 1111u4111 I lii’:i i"I vo say ‘wn'oi,’ ” said .laok, looking' at his hot;!.' ruofullv. “'.Vo, nton, ’' replied .MacDonald, “ I iiov.T even thoolit it!” A BSUIJD. Old Aiiiso Barker was pretty sick, and the darky doctor promptly put him to lied and Ini I down nil sorts id rules and regulations as to sloop and diet. Aftor ho had gone, Moso turned to his wife and complained: ’• Mainly, how dot's ilat (lore fool ■'odor reckon all's gwino to eat h■" nsi i) 1 ' chiokon elierv day if all ai■ 'I . ■n: mah ehi'iiin us free? ’ ’

SHE LOVED SCOTT

She (as they pass through the, Lake district)': How lovely! It. makos one think of “The Lady of the La ke. ’ ’ He; Vou are an admirer of Scott's works? What do you think -of “Marin ion ? ’ ’ She: Perfectly grand. He: And his novels —“I’cveril oh Du* I’eak,” and “The Bride of Bauiiiierinoor ? ’ ’ She: I love them. So much better than the modern trash. He: And how about Scott’s Emulsion ? She: (juile tin* best thing he ever wrote!