HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LV, Issue 17062, 21 September 1929, Page 10

HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

WHY COMPLAIN ? An example of Barrie’s quiet humor in the story told of the occasion when he was invited to address the students of Smith College in America. He insisted that they would never lliear him—he lias a very soft voice—and added that the only time he ever did'speak to ail audience certain persons cried : I “We can’t hear ydn ! we can’t hear you !” “What did you do?" he was asked. ‘‘l told them that' in that case they were getting much the best of it,”' lie answered in ' his slow, gentle, manner. OH, KAY ! Mr. A. D. Kay, well known to frequenters of the Sydney Domain on Sunday, got off something, fresh in the way of repartee recently. Although generally good-tempered, he had been driven to exasperationiby a persistent heckler, who refused to submit to good-humored 1 attempts irt silencing, and finally, Kay roared, “Oh, go to —mentioning n place which is not, as a rule, alluded to in good society. When the heckler smiled quietly and inquired the way, Kav turned a keen look on him, and flung one arm dramatically out in the direction of . Woollooinooloo • Bay, “Straight but that way,” he snapped, “arid keep goiiig till- vour hat floats;” * ■•*.** * A PETER PAN STORY. A good story is told in theatrical IcirtTes cohMsWiing• the*Him version of Sfil James Barrie’s famous play, “Peter Pan.” At a. luncheon party, someone said to him;— / “I. suppose, Sir James, some of your plays do much better than others. I mean, they are not all great successes, are they V Sir James answered : “Oh, no. Some peter-out altogether, others pan out very well.” * * * * THE PERFECT ALIBI. Magistrate: Where were you at tho time the burglary occurred, madam? Agitated Old Lady: I was sound asleep ip my bedroom. And so were all my guests. * # * * LAZY. Then there was the case of the man who was so lazy that he married a snub-nosed girl because she was easier to kiss. REVELATION. The wife of a certain bishop was very ill, and required a serious operation. As she recovered from tho anaesthetic she was heard to murmur: “Am I in heaven? Am I in heaven? No, there’s John.” •A- # » # HIS OBJECTION. It had been a tiring case for everybody concerned. Th*i plaintiff and the defendant were both slow-witted, and everything had to. be explained to them at least twice. “Do I understand, my man,” sgid the magistrate -at one point, “that the defendant hurled invectives at you?” The plaintiff scratched his head wildly. Then a look of understanding dawned in his eyes as he replied: “No, sir, to tell the truth, it was only bricks he threw at me; but what I complain about was the terrible way he swore at me when they missed!” *** - * the Pair way. It. was a hot, sultry session in the courts,- and the judge was thinking othc-r than judicial thoughts. Finally the lawyer said: “lie claims his wife was intractable, your honor, so he beat her into subjection with a golf club.” “How many strokes?” asked the judge absently. •* * * * BUSINESS. An Irish priest offered sixpence to the. boy who could tell him who was the greatest man in history. “Christopher Columbus,” answered one boy. ‘ ‘ George Washington, ’ ’ answered another boy. “St. Patrick,” shouted a bright little Jewish boy. \ “The sixpence is yours,” said tiio priest; “but why. did you say St. Patrick?” “Right down in iny heart I knew it was Moses,” said the Jewish boy, “but business is business.” *** 1 * OUT FIRST BALL. Sir Francis Acland tells a good story of the umpire in a village cricket match who had too much to drink before undertaking his duties. The first ball received by the star batsman of the opposing team struck him on the shin. “Out,” said the umpire, with- satisfaction. “Out?” queried tile dumbfounded batsman, 11 What for?” “For the rest of the afternoon,” was tiie reply.