HUMOR, MORE OR LESS.

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LII, Issue 16946, 30 January 1926, Page 10

HUMOR, MORE OR LESS.

FATHER’S NASTY WAY. The head of a Bondi home earned n reputation for sarcasm the otliei night; but his flapper daughter has dace regarded him with anything but a friendly eye. She arrived home earlv in the evening, happy m the company of a young man, noted as something of a dasher, both as a jazzer and in the surf. The evening passed off very pleasantly and speedjh- for the two. and such a trine as tile passing of time failed to disturb their thoughts. They ■were in for a rude awakening, however, and this came, inopportunely ciKiuidi. just as 1 hey were preparing for a protracted good-bye at the dooi. “Oh. 1 suv. Bertha! ” father’s voice in me' drily ' from the head of the stairs, “You’re surely not going to let Mr. Cdurtwell go away without a bit of breakfast.” * * •» * THE REASON WHY. \ jSvdncv woman is convinced that she possesses a very bright and tactful little daughter. She took her the other week on a. short tram journev from town to visit a great-aunt, and Dorothy, after the manner ot small girls, wandered all over the house. The ’great-aunt urged them to stay in lea. mentioning that she had made ~ cheese-salad. To her mothers surprise. Dorothy had something to suv on the matter. “Oh, mother,” she exclaimed, t don’t think we had better stay. Auntie is „ot well to-dav, and two _ extra make such a lot of -work. , I think we had better go home now.” Her mother, much impressed with Dorotliv’s thoughtfulness, agreed, ami us they walked to the station, she complimented her daughter foi hei kind consideration. “Well, mother,” said Dorothy, * 1 don't know about that. You know how awfully short-sighted Auntie is, and when I went into the kitchen and saw the cheese in the soap-dish, and Auntie slicing the soap into the salad, I I bought it was time for us to bo STILL HOLE.

A Svditey mini was recommended by, a friend lo go to a well-lynown .special- i ist for treiitnieni. After ho hud been ; a patient for some time lie called on 1 In 1 friend to express his .opinion of the doctor and his methods. “I don’t consider he is doing nie much }tood.” he complained. ‘-‘I still lee] listless and fired. So far he has given me nothing to stir me up at; ol>-” ~ • The friend looked thoughtfully lor a moment, and then enquired: Jins ho sent in his hill yet?” : HONEYMOON WALK. ; The widower had just taken liisj fourth, wife and was showing her around the village. Among the, places visited was the churchyard, and the bride paused before a very elaborate; tombstone that had been erected by the bridegroom. Being a little nearsighted. she asked him lo read the inscription, and in reverent tones he rend: “ Here lies Susan, beloved wife of .[olio Smith; also Jane, beloved wife of John Smith; also Mary, beloved wife of John South—” He paused abruptly, and the bride, leaning forward to see the bottom line, read, io her horror: “Be Ye Also Beady.” BOOSTIN'!! THE EMPIRE. . A London woman sent her maid out t<> get. a jar of honey. “And be sure,” she said, being an ardent supporter of the Buy British Hoods Movement, “bo sine that it is British. ’ ’ The girl returned without the honey. “Couldn't you get it'.’” asked her mistress. “No, mum,” was the reply, “they hadn’t any British—only English and New Zealand.” LIKE A MAN. ,\ mother seat her little son to lake |,is smaller sister safely to kindergarten. When the bov was back in a surprisingly short 'time the mother asked: “\Villiai|i, did you act like it little gentleman and treat Mario like a filth' lady, as 1 asked you to?” “Oh. if,i,” said ‘William carelessly, “we Cjii:i.ed that Indy and gentleman stuff and I chi]sod her most, of Ihc way ” INSIDE TIP. ! To Elbert IT. Gary, the head of the' United States Steel Corporalio.n, is I

i-redited the mosl up! reply to a quesjliuu of stock value. “Bo you think slocks will go up or .down 1 ;'” a woman looking for a “sure | thing” to gamble on, once asked him. ' “Yes.” was the answer. “I think ihey will. They rarely stand sl.il!. and l hey can ‘l go sidewise! ’ ’ 0 BOR 1 EERO US. George Binguiii, a millionaire, silk importer, said in an address:— I “The philosopher, Bertrand Russell, ! 11 • ils us we ought lo learn from China. |There's >oic tiling certain China can give ns cards and spades on. That is, smells. “The smell.; of China are appalling, No man really knows what a smell is ;ill lie's been in China. I once asked a missionary in l.’ckin how he managed to J.eep his health. i “ ‘llow do you escape the billions 'of microbes that ilouri.sk in these lawful Sind Is.” J asked, j “ ‘Oh,’ said the missionary, ‘you’re wrong there. These smells are - microbe-proot. Even a microbe can’t live in a Chinese smell.’ ” i * * * * | 'POINTED J’.YRAG RAPHE. | The real, proof of the pudding is in the digesting. i „ * * » I Theoretical philosophers are soincj times practical foois. Bigots are always dead sure of something they know nothing about. A. cranky old bachelor says that the most tiresome tiling about a man is a ; woman. » * * * Beamy is but skin deep, but homeliness measures twelve inches to the fool. , The man who is his own lawyer may lose Ins case, but he saves a fee. •» •:<• * * IJalni may lie either good or bail, depending upon whether you rule it or it rules von. # * * * Frob,ably the happiest man in the world is Hie one who has just invested in his -first wedding-ring. Humanity is equally divided between those who can’t stand prosperity ,iud those who can’t- get. any to stand. * * * * A mother may realise that her inibv says and does things similar to other babies, but she also realises that her baby says and docs them much belter.