STORIETTES.

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume XXXV, Issue 11248, 11 April 1908, Page 2 (Supplement)

STORIETTES.

Henry .T. Byron, one of the wittiest of English playwrights of v .score of years ago,, iemarked.- on one occasion-: ''A pliiy is )ike a cigar. If its- good, everybody wants a box. It it's bad. all the puffing. in the world won't make ><\ go." , * * * *..-.-■ A young man who had just entpic.l tiie office' of Jeremiah Mason, tlu. great New Hampshire legal luminary, lo study law, asked him where he should begin. Mason, pointing to the books on. the librauy shelves," answered laconically : "Anywhere." . The daughter of an English lady of very high rank -hadl some' pain. in her foot, which her mother asked the;goverhpss to. bo good enough to look" at. The latter, after examining it, said, with deference, ''If it vr-ito not ; for Her ladyship's exalted rank, I should suy it was a bunion." ' .-...-.. ' Speaking of the methods adopted .'liy' some of, the unions ihroughout the coiui-try.'.-in; righting their wrongs, Semtor polliver of lowa says it reminds ;him of iin Irishman who, .upon ::• hearing' for, the first . time the : briiyihg of <i - don keyj remarked, after waiting for the Jast discordant note to die, away, "Fa itli, you Vare '. ho ;doubt m great, pain, . but I /had more, sympathy- for you before you cohiplained." . ■ " ■. . ■ •■■♦•■_ * -. * . /» '■" ■ ' '■' '■ • SHE WOULDN'T GIVE IN. "Did you visit ■ any of ■•': the old ca\*<?s 'when you -were m Scotland?"- Jbrkhis was dsked by a friend. ' "Yes,," replied Jorkins, reminiscent!?. "And we had to forcibly pull Maria ; o'ut of one ,cave." .'.-.■■ ■ >■ ' ■■■*■'. ■ ! '.'Good gracious ! ,She was > fascinated by.i.te beauty, I- suppose?" •. : ■..',-■■ ■■•• "Xo, if. wasn't beauty. You see, "theVe is- a .wonderful echo ; m; the. cave; ahd Maria couldn't bear to think of the : e£!fo having the last word." • ■ . •''.S'-- ■■' ' ■■'■■■*• ' ■:■»*■■■.' '-:'>■ *■ .• ' ♦,•*■..■- yJHE WILL :AND -THE,BEED:i^ \ ''Have you made out my will just th'e way I told yoii ?" asked ' th©, sick mm, who was. the ,iio«isessor ' of mitny hee'iiy'N*:latiyes and some ; well-to-do but. crnsriiric ones. ... • ■ ■■•",'. • " ■' '■■ : . ..-,'.• ■ "I have," 'asserted thet lawyer;'^ Uf>. '"Just: as , .strong and .'tight 'as f you - can niako it, ,ch ?" .asked • his . client. 1 ' • Mi ! .The Jawyer nodded. . ■ ;: v ._ "AH. right," said the^ickonan; '"N# I want to" ask you onevthing— hot pro'f^a-sionally^-who do you thitik /stimds- ith'e best chance of. getting the property \t-hfeii V.nvgone.?" • ' ' ." V ■■•:'■.■■' * ■ ■ . • * ' ■■■'* " * ■:'•■ ''. ; .' ■.'■'. . One a f tevnoo'n Mrs M urphy • appeared fit the settlement . house, all dossed up m her best bonnet and shawl.' A hiiga black and blue spot disfigured one side of. her face, however, and one eye was nearly closed. "Why, Mrs Murphy, what is thi ma^yv" cried one of the ' teachers; and then, realising that sho < {night hay asked a tactless question, khe hastily turned' it off by saying- ' Well, cheer up, you might be worse ■olTi. Sure 'im' 1 might," responded the indignant Mrs Murphy. ''I might nirt bo married at all!" "-• , * * . * # ■' • . The captain of one of the ■-. HainbufgAmerican liners, while on a recent visit to -New York, /was talking of pride of birth, and he told of a certain brother captain m the, trans- Atlantic service. "A German passenger once 'fell-' from. 'the deck of his ship intrv- the sea, and a saalor, seeing him disappear with- a splash, cried : 'Man overboard !' 'What do you mean -With your 'Man overboard" V shyuted the captainj who heard the call. 'Graf Hermann von Finkin•stem, Duke of. Siiabia arid Prince of the Holy Koman Empire, is overboard.' "

During v performance of "The Merry ■Widow", at Daly's Theatre m London the. young King of Spain sat m a box, and. between the acts an English baronet i presented^ a Chicago millionaire to the ' Spanish sovereign. The talk turned— over a fizzy; aromatic drink—ti>' the in* numerable titles of the young mqnarch He is Emperor of Jerusalem, Duke of Flanders, Lord of Brabant, Kin? of the West Indies,. Duke of-the Philippines—in short,, he has titles to a hundred lands that have been Crested from him by France, Holland, America ' and so on. "They used! to call me," m. addition to my other names 'the Great,'" jsaid the-young king, smiling, but I put a stop to that, I said that the greatness of Spain was' too much like that of a hole, which .becomes the prenteV the more you lake- a\vay from it . . ' ' '•■'•'■ ■ * ■ * ' ■ * - * : THEIR PROGRESS. "Jane,", said a kind-hearted and sympathetic mistress,.*'! take, a rear interest m your welfare. Now, tell me, ■is there anything serious between you aridthe grocer's man?" ; r "Well, ma'am," Jane ' answered, blushing, "we are keeping company*" "Keeping company. Do you mean by that old phrase, that you are engaged?" ■*.-., ■?■ "No,ma'am, not yet. We've only got' as far as 'waisting.'" ; ■■• ■ ■ ,;, ■', ■ ■'.■■■■.. ■ i_ A BIG BARGAIN. A summer 'resident looked sharply at Mr Jameson's . guileless moon . face, and then at the mild' and hone-too- . sprightly horse he was offering for sale. ..''• Don't^y°«''t"Jnk £30 is rather n stiff price to ask for a horse like that?" asked the suihme r resident. "How old is he?" ' •■'•■ . ' ,; i "He's only just thutty," said Mr Jameson, calmly. „ "Thirty years old, and you expect to get £30 for him!" ! ,"I don't know as I expect to get it, shul Mr Jameson, without rancour, but it seems as if I'd ought to have full as much as that. It only comes to £1 a. year, arid he's costume a good deal, iriore'n that most years." ■ *'• '*■■. * ' ' . * : . CAUSE FOR TEARS .'. ,v "In my-school days," .said' a storyteller who >was; trying to illustrate the absurdity arid futility of unfounded ' fears,, "we used to have a lecture every I'nday afternoon.. One day the lecturer was a geologist, and chose Niagara Falls for his topic. v • "Ha told us about the geological formation of the falls, described "the different periods to; be traced m the gome and then went} on. to say that the falln were .slowly wearing back towards Biifialo, and that m the course of fomevtwo hundred thousand years they Wjpuld have* worn back to Erie,' Pennsylvania and that town would be left high and dry Suddenly one of the girls m niv class begun to sob convulsively. ' ""'What is the matter?' asked; the teiichbr m alarm. ■ •'',>'" „ " <Oh>' ?"s&■ tlie g'll, 'my sister lives •]n,.Ene J' '■ ■" , : ■...-.•*-- | ■■;*. .■■#■• '#'■'■ VERY INFORMATIVE.' The chief clerk of the "Post- Office department at.Washington recently sent to all the postmasters m the country a list of questions asking for certain information to be used, m the preparation of the, Government Blue Book. One :of the questions m the list was, ''What art) tour ■ marital relations?" ■ , " Tlie object of this particular question was t,o find out whether the postmasters ar ® parried, single, widowed, or tlivorced. But some of the rural postmastersdid not understand, and many .answerswere received m which the persons addressed endeavored to jrive.rf clear and lucid explanation of the status of their married life. One postmaster briefly stated that his domestic " affairs wi?re "fine and dandy." Another, not so fortunate, replied, "Fairly middling, 1' while a-third filled m the blank space with two words, "The worst."