JUST FOR FUN.

Pahiatua Herald, Volume XLII, Issue 12963, 30 May 1935, Page 3

JUST FOR FUN.

LETS HAVE A LAUGH. THE ONLY WAY. “How did you get to know your wife ?’* “I married her.” A TERRIBLE RISK. First tramp: “They say a hot bath relieves rheumatism.” Second tramp: “Yes, hut supposin’ you took the risk an’ it didn’t?” C OMMERCIAL ( A NDOUR. Customer: “How do you sell this Limburger ?” Grocer: “I often wonder myself, ma'am.” A LONG JOB. Viicar (at baptism) : His name, please. Mother: Algernon Philip Percival Mortimer Henry Duckworth. Vicar; A’m! A little more water, please. BEE THANKFUL. Neighbour (looking over garden fence): “Have your bees done well this year, Brown?” Brown: “Well, they haven’t given much honey, but they’ve stung my mother-in-law twice.” CALL THE MANAGER. “Look here, waiter, is this peach or appl© pie?” “Can’t you tell from the taste?” “No, T can' t.” “Veil, then, what difference does it make?” NOT UNANIMOUS. Smith (who has been invited to dinner by Brown): Are you sure it’s all right? Does your wife know I'm coining ?” Brown: Of course she knows. We argued about it for an hour this morning at breakfast. ***** WHY ASK DAD? Mummy: “Bobby, will you sleep in your cot or in governess’s room while T am away?” Bobby: “Don’t know—what would you do, dad?” SOMETHING TO REMEMBER. Mistress: “After the way you have treated me I don’t know how you have the audacity to ask for a reference.” Maid. “I don’t want to use it. I thought it would he a bit of a curiosity to keep.” A GOOD REASON. First tramp: Are you inarmed? Second tramp: Yes. First tramp: What made you a rolling stone Second tramp: A rolling pin. A SMALL LIMITATION. Mrs Henpeck was on the warpath. “You miserable little worm,” she snapped at her husband. “Fancy you claiming to be a. model husband. Do you know what model means? According to this dictionary,” she continued, waving the hook before him, “it means hi limitation of the real thing/ ” » WHAT TT LED TO. Two boys were teaching a friend to ride a bicycle. After getting him into the saddle, thev started him off downhill. As lie didn’t return, they went in search of him, and asked an old lady they met if she had seen a boy on a bicycle. “No,” was the answer, “I’ve seen no one except a boy sitting in a ditch mending umbrellas.”

COLLECTING STATISTICS. A small boy came hurriedly down the street, and halted breathlessly in front of a stranger who was walking in the same direction. “Have vou lost a 10s note?” he asked. “\ r es, I believe 1 have,” said the stranger, feeling in his pocket. “Have you found one?” “Oh, no,’” said the boy, “I just want to find out how many have been lost to-day. Y'ours makes 55.” WHAT’S IN A NAME? As the traffic signals changed, a big limousine stopped promptly. It stopped so abruptly, however, that a very ramshackle little car behind bumped into it. The traffic office:’ went over to the driver of the small car. pulled out his little book, and said. “What do you mean by running into this fellow ahead? Can't you stop with the signals? What’s your name ?’ ’ 4 ‘Flannigan.” “First name ” “Patrick.” “Where were you born?” “County Donegal.” “Are you one of those Pa trier. Flannigans from County Donegal?” “Yes.” “You wait right here. Pat. until I see what that big boob meant by backing into you!” ***** HOW IT HAPPENED. The steeplechase jockey awoke to find himself bandaged up in a hospital ward. “How did it happen?” he wearilyasked the trainer, who had called to see him. “I thought I d cleared that last fence easiily.” “You did,” replied the trained, “but the trouble was the horse didn't.” IN THE SAME BOAT. The pilot was doing some extraordinary evolutions in the air, and his passenger got very nervous. At length lie leant forward and said, “You seem to forget that l have never flown before?” And the pilot replied, “Well, what about it? Neither have I.” FATHER KNEW. “I don’t believe you know what a bacheloi is,” said Rose’s governess, having been amused at her pupil's use of the word in an English composition. “Yes, I do,” sa>id Rose. “a bachelor is a very happy man.” “How do you know that?” inquired the governess. “Father told me.” said Rose. NOT MISSING MUCH. “Mr Chairman.” said an orator who was l>eing severely heckled, “1 must appeal on a point of order. I have been speaking now for over a quarter of an hour, blit there are so many interruptions and so much ribaldry from all parts of the hall that I can .scarce! v hear mvself speaking.” “Cheer up!’ exclaimed someone. “You’re not missing much.”

r THANK VOn 1 I'ncle John came to stay, and bo--1 fore he left he frnve his ' nephew a ? pound note. • ‘Now. bo careful with that i tnonoy. Tommy, ’ ho said. "Homom!>or tho saying: ‘A fool and his money aro soon parted.’ ” r “ y os. uncle,” replied Tommy. nut J want to thank vou just tho same. * • * • . A GOOD STORY. Here is a good story which has recently been told me (writes Arthur Stephen in the Gold Monthly \ millionaire arrived at a golf course not tar Irom London. He had no C game fixer! and wars asked to make d up a four-ball with three other rich - gent lenien None, however, was as e 'rich as the millionaire, who was unS known to them. Tliev suggested g Playing for £UV> a side. The mil- „ lionaire said his limit was half a - crown. However the others persiste oil. and finallv. in exas|>eration, tlie i_ millionaire said : “If you really w'sh t- to plav for money I will play for d what I eall money I'll play you all s for £2o.(V>l. and in order to amuse e you still further T will toss you for £1(0 on every green.” The match e took place and the maximum stake was 2s 6d.