“CALLERS.”

Otago Witness, Issue 3614, 19 June 1923, Page 66

“CALLERS.”

By Mat Scri.LT. “Look here, I won’t have it ! Spending my hard-earned 'money like that! Buying rubbish from every loafer who happens to call!” Mrs Pepper stood meekly before her angry lord holding a coat-hanger and a bucket-handle, made from wire, in iier guilty, work-stained hands. She had been unable to say "Not to-day, thanks” to the man with one arm who had just sold her the things, and she had calmed her conscience by thinking that the articles might be useful. Mrs Pepper had intended concealing the things for a time, but her husband had walked in and caught her red-handed. She said nothing, so Pepper continued : "Tlie truth of the matter is that you can t say ‘No’ and close the door in their faces—can you?” He poked out his face inquiringly. "Can you?” he demanded again. Mrs Pepper said, “Well, dad, it’s a lot harder than you might think to do that.” He eyed the wire things in his wife s hands savagely. "So it seems,” he sneered. "But I’ll bet anything there isn't a caller living who could sell me those things—nor any other things you've bought—bad cocoa, sanitary soap' that smelt like a manure heap, blunt pins, lead spoons, and rusty traps that made the mice stand on their hind legs and laugh, and But I’ll be at home myself for the next few days, and I’ll attend to those jokers instead of you. How about that for a stunt, eh?” Pepper clutched at the idea, and so did his wife, though for totally different reasons. "Just, as you wish, dad,” she replied quietly. Their home was very favourably situated for the roving vendors to call at — the corner house of a long row of likelylooking middle-class purchasers. And it so happened during the time of Mr Pepper’s vigil, and for the sake of this yarn, that a fety extra callers came along to lest his ability as a vanishing medium of all canvassers. He had intended putting his garden in order when he got a few days to spare ; but giving “those loafers” and Mrs Pepper a useful lesson, he felt, would pay him better in the end. So lie placed himself inside the front window with an easy chair, a book, and a pipe, and waited for the coming of the unwitting ones in comfort. He was ready and eager for his task when at last the first caller came briskly up the garden path, carrying two flat 'and wide leather cases in his hands. Mr Pepper made a frantic rush into the kitchen to get his wife before he opened the front door. It was arranged that she should stand just inside the sitting room door, where she could listen to her husband, and leant his methods without the vendors seeing her. The smart-looking Johnnie on the verandah had his wares opened for display ere Mr Pepper had got his first breath, so to speak. A trifle disconcerted, however, at seeing a man instead of a woman, the young man was an eighth of a second later than Mr Pepper, who got the platform with a stately "Not to-day, thank von.” But the youth at once recognised the novice at the door, and felt quite at ease as he proceeded to show Mr Pepper a lot of cheap pictures. “What is a home without a picture to brighten up its walls? ’ he began. “There is a story in every picture. Here is a father watching his children playing in tlie woods; see the beautiful gay flowers in this scene? But you would rather have a study in black and white perhaps? Persons with good taste usually do. I should have shown you these 'at first. I get so used to ordinary people, though. llow do you like this? ‘Wild Horses’ it is called.” Mr Pepper stared at the picture and said, “Not to-day, thank you,” in an even tone of voice. Thus encouraged, the young man kept 'W ild Horses’ on view. “Four shillings is all I am asking for it,” he said, and he added ; "Where will you find a better picture for tlie money, or twice the money?” Mr Pepper answered to the challenge. He bent down and carefully examined the picture. “These horses supposed to be in a wild state, never been tamed or broken in?” “No, sir. They are wild—never been handled by any man.*” “Aha,” breathed Mr Pepper triumphantly ; “then how did they get those shoes on? Can you tell me that?” The young chap then really looked at the picture he was selling for the first time. Having found out the great error of the horse-shoes, Mr Pepper felt so pleased with his discovery that he actually laughed iu good fellowship with his enemy the caller, who laughed too. “I really keep the best pictures in this Cease,” he said after he had compimented

Mr Pepper on his sharpness. "You won’t find any shoes on these,” he ventured, as he held up one with three or four cows grazing in a pasture. Mr Pepper shook his head. "We’ve got plenty of pictures,” lie said civilly; “but I can’t get over those horses.” The 3’oung man laughed again as he closed the cases. “How about a packet of shampoo?” he asked suddenly, taking a few packets from his pocket. Mr Pepper heard a movement in the sitting room, and remembered his pupil. He held up a shilling in silence to the young fellow, who nodded, and the flat shampoo packet was slipped slyly into Mr Pepper's coat pocket. Then he wished the caller “good day.” He closed the door. Mrs Pepper remarked casually, "You didnt buy any pictures, then, dad?” Mr Pepper eyed her keenly; but Mrs P. was subtle. The next caller came up the path slowly. She was very sto,u.t and dark. She carried a basket covered with oilcloth on her arm, and she wore an ample black apron which she spread around her with a hand all tattoo-marked, when she sat down on the verandah to interview Mr Pepper. “Nothing to-day, thanks,” said he. File lady looked up at Pepper and narrowed her eyes. "You say ‘No-thing today?’” she mocked. “Why? YovT not see what here I have and you sav ‘Nothings to-day, thanks.’ Why?” Look here, my good woman,’’ said Pepper, “I don’t want anything to-day—-now keep that basket closed, if you please,” lie added firmly. ‘Bah!”, said the lad} - . 'You talk like this, eh?” So, ignoring his protest, she opened the basket of trinkets and held up a string of blue beads. “Preetv beads for a. little children. You got a’little children?” she inquired. "I have four children, if that is what you mean,” he replied with much dignity. Yes, yes; four childs I mean you got,” she soothed indifferently. “You like to buy pretty beads? Bracelet? Camphor? Safety pins? Tooth-brush? Eh?” Nothing to-day, thanks."’ Pepper was on the point of explosion; this person sitting on his verandah beside her wares, trying to soli him something against bis will, was the “You buy pray-book? What the kind you want? You a Catolic? Eh?” “No, I’m not! What’s my religion got to do with you?” he roared, “take all that rubbish off mv verandah at once!” The woman closed her eyes and sighed. “I very tired,” she said. “You no good,” she added spitefully. Take that basket and yourself off my verandah at once,” he shouted. “Do vou hear?” The woman closed her basket, and grinned bitterly. “Yes, I think so I hear you,” she remarked with a fine sarcasm as she lumbered away. Mr Pepper fumed. “You got rid of her anyhow,” his wife soothed, and his ruffled feelings were restored. He might .really think over the whole interview with pride. He did very well, indeed. Two hours later an old man came ambling to the door. He looked battered about and shabby. Mr Pepper gazed at him gravely, and watched in silence whilst he untied a, brown paper parcel to exhibit a new brand of fly-catchers. “Patent fly-catcliers, sir. Most sanitary article to have in a home. Flies carry dirt and disease everywhere. You just roll these little sticks in a certain kind of oil and catch a million flies a day.” “But that is gross exaggeration!” objected Pepper. “Well, you catch every fly that goes on the stick,” said the other seriously. “That’s right,” said Pepper. “But we don’t want any fly-catcliers*to-dav, thank you.” The old man looked pathetic. “They're only fcoirpence each, sir. You oughtn’t to be without a fly-catcher for the sake of fonrpence,” he urged. Mr Pepper fumbled with a shilling in his pocket, but thought of his wife and his mission. Still, the poor old chap looked pretty wretched on it. “You can’t earn enough to keep yourself, surely, selling fly-catchers?” he inquired. “Oh, but I sell race-cards and papers as well.” Pepper glanced at the man’s clothes. “Even so, ain’t you too old to make a ‘do’ out of it?” he asked. “I suppose I am, but I must do something,” the old man replied. “Why don’t you get the old-age pension?” “Because I haven’t been in New Zealand long enough.” Mr Pepper twisted that shilling round and round. At last he leaned over and whispered to the old man. Four flv-catchers were placed in his hands without a word being exchanged, and he gave the man one shilling and sixpence in return. Then, holding the flv-catchers in front of himself Pepper followed the caller to the gate, and for some little way down the street. There, he suddenly thrust the catchers into the old man’s arms, saying frantically : “For heaven’s sake take them and go.” Wonderingly the old chap gazecl after his wildly-retreating customer, then lie shrugged his shoulders and tapped his forehead with his forefinger. “Glad I saw him before they took him away, anyhow,” he congratulated himself. Mrs Pepper was away in the kitchen when her husband returned, and she has never yet mentioned anything about his sudden flight after the fly-catcher man. Presently another caller arrived, and he held two very large potatoes in one hand and leaned against the verandah with the other. “Pine potatoes to-day,” he said, holding them out towards Mr Pepper, who glared at the eheeky-looking fellow balefullv. “Not to-day, thanks.” “Fine potatoes—ever see spuds like these before? And they’re all better in the cart.” “Not to-day, thanks. ”

“Not too much of the thanks. How about taking a couple of bob’s worth of these at a penny a pound?” "I don't want any potatoes.” “Wot’s wrong with them? And they re all better in the cart.” “Well, keep them in the cart,” snapped Pepper. The man spat on the verandah and came closer to Pepper. “You keep your tongue between your teeth,” he advised. “You get off my verandah,” yelled Pepper. The other grew nasty, and thrust his clenched first close to Mr Pepper’s face. “I’ll give you a taste of this,” he cried roughly, “an’ put you in the hospital for six months if you give me any more of yer jaw.” At this Mr Pepper completely lost his temper and made a rush at the man. Mrs Pepper ran out of her hiding place and screamed. She pulled with both hands at her husband and implored the man to “Please, piease go away!” ’I he man laughed at her. "Lor’ love a duck, misus,” he said, "don’t get frightened about you silly old ninny ; take him inside and look alter him. Somebody will do for him if he’s let out by himself.” J Mr Pepper was purple, and he was qlioking out something about the police and ga.ol, when the potato-man waved “Good-bye-ee” to him from the gate. “Him,” he grunted scornfully, “him and his rotten old potatoes, and they’re all better in the cart 1” Pepper sank back into his comfortable chair once more, and after a time he heard his wife singing in the lutchen. She must feel happier than he did ! Well Then Miss de Lacy called! Such a dainty girl, with such a sweet smile! At the sound of her sweet tones Mrs Pepper could not resist peeping at her, and she at once decided that Miss de Lacy would sell whatever she had to sell to the susceptible Pepper. And so she did. An encyclopaedia at two pounds ten shillings! Mr Pepper fairly rushed past bis wife to an inner room to get the money to pay for it out of their “emergency reserve fund.” When Miss de Lacy departed Mr Pepper held the hook against his heart and salammed at her from the verandah. Mrs Pepper was speechless! But in the evening she had her say. Pepper tried in vain to avoid meeting her accusing eyes. At last she said: "Well, dad, I told you so! The} 7 are harder to get rid of than you thought, aren’t they? Besides, you never tried to get rid of that girl at all. And you have spent more of your hard-earned money in one moment than I did in all those years that I have been answering the door to callers. I told you so!” she added bitterly. The thought of that girl rankled.

Mr Pepper had the grace at least to sav nothing, but hid his face behind the evening paper.