FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 3610, 22 May 1923, Page 52

FUN AND FANCY.

People hate to got a reputation for being what they really are. bove is often the folly of a wise man and the wisdom of a fool. The more we love, the more we fear to offend the object of our love. Many man’s good intentions are due to the headache next morning. ~ The fancy-work that most girls like best is the weaving of romances. Youth must ha\ e its fling, especially when the girl throws him over. An ideal home, from a womans point of vi v w, always has a man in it. Life 's not bearable with a woman till it is unbearable without her. A man who marries a ready-made family soon wears a ready-made suit. Misgivings are what a woman has about her next-door neighbour’s character. Kxpcrience may be a good tutor, but the tei ms are always excessively high. When a woman calls her husband a treasure she generally means a treasury. A man chooses his wife, not because there are no other women, but in spi-o of tnein. The worst of try,ng to settle down is that there’s always so much to be first settled up. Enthusiasm is what keeps a man at work when everyone else has gone to a football match. —ln the game of life J.hc handsome woman scores by I 'honours’ and tne plain woman by “tricks. ’ Marry not any woman out of gratitude, lest in time she begins to wonder where the rewards comes in. A wise man will make every effort to remain a bachelor until he is quite sure that he has met his last love. Conductor: “llovv old are you, mv little girl V” Little Girl: “If the company doesn’t object., I’d prefer to pay the lull fare and say nothing.’’ She: “I wouldn’t marry it you were the only man in the world 1 * • “Of course you wouldn’t—you’d get killed in the rush!” . Jack: “Didn’t you see me in the town yesterday? I saw you twice.’’ . Jano: “1 never notice people in that condition. -Teacher (to natural history class): “What kind of birds aro frequently kept in captivity?” Tommy: “Gaolbirds. Smith: “I consider Robinson one ot the greatest golf players in the world. Jones: “You do?” “Yes, he almost beat me orxe.’’ Jack: “Are you opposed to women getting men’s wages?” Mack: “Yes; out Henrietta gets mine just the same —Fred : “You are a singular sort of girl. Freda : “Well, that’s easily altered.” Visitor: “And what is your ambition, Tom?” Tommy (modestly): “I’d like to see people tremble like leaves at the meie mention of my name.” Teacher: “Do you know why wo call our language the mother tongue ? Rright Oh,ld: “Because father never gets a chance to use it.” Barrister: “But couldn t you let me have 3onie of his love letters.' Breach of Promise Client: “There weren’t any—we had wireless sets.” Jack: “Does a rabbit’s foot really bring good luck?” Mack: “I should say so. My wife felt one in my money pocket once, anti thought it was a mouse. Broad: “Did you uncle remember you when making his will?” Long: 1 expect he did. Maybe that's his reason for leaving me out.” Beilcs: “I wish Napoleon had been a Russian.” Serks: “Wihy?” “Well, that’s what 1 said he was on my examination paper.” Critic: “Yes, but aren’t these gooseberries rather dirty?” Street Seller: “Dirty ! Think a bloke can wash ’em and part their ’air in the middle for fourpenee a pound?” Deris: “Why did Mabel turn down Von Stump’s proposal?” Dora: “Why, my dear, lie’s a psycho-analyst. Ihink how perfectly terrible it would be to live with a man you couldn’t keep a secret from ! “Just the thing for picnics,” said Jones, when he saw this advertisement: “A table that may be folded into so small a space as to be carried in a man’s pocket, sent, carriage "paid, for five shillings.” lie sent the money, and got by return—a copy of a railway time-table. “Why, Willie,” exclaimed mother, “you’ve been walking too fast for grandpa! You must remember he is very short of breath.” “Short of breath, nothin’; he’s been breathin’ a lot more than I have.” The wealthy uncle was talking over the prospects of his nephew with the lad’s mother. “How is he doing with his studies?” “Oh, very well. He shows a pres-fc talent for music, and his manner is very haughty. His teacher thinks he will hjeome a conductor.” “Ah ! Indeed !” responded uncle. “Orchestra or tram car?” ri a haS; as ‘a new wave on the ocean of hf.j. ’ ” said the churchwarden, who had reeeotfv become a father, to the vicar “I fttd,” rc.pl ed the vicar. “It was a poetic figure of speech.” “Don’t you think ‘a (jwh '/jt all’ would have been nearer the aiari ?” asked the churchwarden. tainly, sir. Would you like a carte or a cabinet?” The prospective customer wriggled uneasily. “It doesn’t matter much whether there is a cart or a cab in it,” lie answered. “As I’m a sexton I should like if you could manage to put a church in it.” Selby: “Won’t you dine with me?” Grimes: “Thank you, I’ve just dined! I have been home and had mv regular meal of apples, apricots, and asparagus.” Selby: “Isn’t that a rather odd combination?” Grimes: “Well, you see, mv wife went to a domestic science school and had to leave after the first, week —liofore she had reached the second letter of the alphabet!” Curate: “You exchange goods in the way of barter sometimes, I suppose?” Merchant: “Oh, yes; very often.” Curate: “Well. I should like a ham and some potatoes and flour.” Merchant: “All right, sir. What do you want to exchange for them?” Curate: “Ninety-five pairs of slippers.” —Mr and Mrs Barr, a young married couple, were devoted to tneir respective hobbies. He was an enthusiastic cyclist, while lus I letter half played the piano. In course of time they had a little son, and both desired to christen the youngster with a name that would embrace their favourite pursuits. After much thought the desired cognomen was evolved, and the son and heir rejoiced in the name of “Handel Barr.”