FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 3513, 12 July 1921, Page 46

FUN AND FANCY.

A bad tiling its dear at any price. A bad husband cannot be a good man. The styles change in everything but babies. There are always more foolish buyers Ihan selleis. —lf you owe nothing, you know what you aie worth. —No one is so wise but that he ha 3 a little folly to snare. Adversity is the balance in which to weigh your friends. There would be no credit in rising if the going was not uphill work. some women never recognise an opportunity unless it is labelled. When Cupid .marshals his forces can it be described as a court martial ? —lt is a mistake to think that danger can be surmounted without danger. Flattery is the best cure for a stiff neck. It will turn almost any head. You should pay just as much for your experience as the resultant wisdom is worth. He: “Do you really believe ignorance is bliss?” She: “I don’t know. You seem to be quite happy.” Mable: “Do you believe in dreams?” Bert: “No; 1 was in love with one once, and she jilted me.” The Vicar: “Well, I suppose you have found -married life one grand, sweet song?” Wedderley: “Ah, yes! A soprano solo.” Ellen: “I suppose your father will be all unstrung when he hears about your exani3.?” Horace: “No, I wired him last night.” “Bobby: “What does ‘knows no bounds’ mean, dad? Explain it to me.” Dad (buried in newspaper): “Kangaroo with rheumatism.” “Have you ever met the only man you ever loved?” asked the romantic maiden. “Hundreds of them, my dear, hundreds’ of them,” replied the worldly flirt. - —Bussey: “Why didn’t you come out on strike?” Hardup: “I have seven reasons against it.” Bussey: “What are t/uey?” Hardup: “A wife and six children.” Perkins: “The average young couple think of getting married as a joke.” Jerkins: “And after they’re married they find that it is, and the joke is on them.” Doctor: “Is vour husband voracious in his appetite, madam?” Mrs Blank: “Not a bit of it, doctor. He’ll eat anything and everything as long and as,fast as he can git it.” Mrs Cioscfist: “We find to leave because my husband couldn’t stand the high altitude.” Mrs Pocketful: “Oh, our folks would have stayed, no matter how much it cost.” - Doctor: “He’ll be up in a day or two, Mrs Jones. Why all this distress?” Patient’s Wife: “I was so afraid, doctor; all night he was practising the harp on’ the bed-rail.” Elderly Aunt (to little boy sliding down the banister) : “Here, Johnny! i wouldn’t do that!” Johnny: ' Course you wouldn’t! How would it look—an old lady like you?” Simon: “Did you tell her when you proposed to her that you were unworthy of her? that always makes a hit with them.” Peter: “I was going to, but she told me first.” doctor, “and what do you think of the medicine I sent you yesterday?” “1 don’t wish to think of it at all, dootor,” replied the child, “l want to try to forget it.” —-Sarcastic Boarder: “Of course. I don't know, but it strikes me this chicken ” Landlady: “Now, what's the matter with the chicken?” “Oh, nothing, only it is evidently the offspring of a hard-boiled e gg.” Claude: “Have you seen the new style of socks?” Cuthbort: “No; are they good?” “Great convenience! They’re sewed right into the shoes.” “But how do you change them?” “You don’t! That's the convenience!’’ The profiteer’s wife read a paragraph in the morning paper in which it said that a certain dinner party had ended with great eclat. “What’s eclat?” she asked her husband. “Those choclate things with cream in ’em,” was the answer. “Father,” inquired Tommy, -‘why do Americans always say ‘I guess'?” Father pondered the matter, but soon came to a conclusion. “It’s like this, my boy; tho American is a very busy man—and he never has time to make certain of anything.” “What good are the figures set down in these railway time-tables?” asked the sarcastic and angry would-be passenger. “Why.” explained the genial station-master, “if it weren’t for them figures we’d have no way of findin’ out how late the trains are.” money in literature, and now I know it is true,” said Mrs Boston to her guest. “How’s that?” asked the caller. “Well, ever since Charlie got to know those gentlemen who make kooks he never has a single penny.” -“I always get rnv clothes from ihe highest-class shops,” said a woman with more money than education. “None of those cheap shops for me ! What I like is to sit comfortable in a cushioned chair and look on while the manicures try on the costumes and walk round. You can see what you're gein’ ro look like then !” —He was inclined to be lyrical as lie Rat with his sweetheart on a mossy knoll by the main road, dhe was silent, and appeared to be drinking in the delightful scene with no less enthusiasm than her companion. Presently ho asked her what she was thinking about. “I was just wondering,” she replied, “what was the plural of char-a-banc.” _ — A hungry tourist had put up for the night at a wayside inn, and found tho supper rather scanty, the most substantial part of it being a single sausage. He called the innkeeper to his side. “Is this the best you can do in the way of sausage?” asked the- hungry man. “Why. now,” said the ho?-!, “isn't, it good enough?” “Ob. it’s good enough, but the ends don’t suit me.” “Why, what’s tho matter with the ends?” the host. “They are too close together,’’ said the tourist. Then the innkeeper took (ho hint.