EDITOR’S WALLET

Otago Witness, Issue 3099, 6 August 1913, Page 74

EDITOR’S WALLET

Hopeful. “Bobby,” said Mr Tadlcy fo his young eon angrily, “my father always whipped me when I behaved as badly as you are doing.” “Well,” answered Bobby thoughtfully, “I hope I’ll never have to tell my little boy that.” Poor Porter. Tho nervous old lady approached the porter in tho sleeping-car anxiously. “Oh, porte- - , porter, where do I sleep?” “What is the number of your berth, ma’am?” ho asked. She looked at him qucstioningly for a moment, then said: “I don’t see what that has to do with it but if you must know, it is third; there were a brother andu a sister born before mo.” Business First. Fussy man, hurrying into a newspaper office: “I’ve lost my spectacles somewhere and I want to advertise for them.” >. Advertisement Clerk: “I will write tho advertisement for you, sir. Any marks on them?” Fussy Man; “Yes, yes! Gold-rimmed, lonsO» different focus, and letters ‘ L. Q. C.’ on edges. Insert it throe times.” Clerk; “Yes, sir. Ten shillings, please!” Fussy Man: “Here it is.” Clerk: “Thanks! It gives me groat pleasure, sir, to inform you that your spectacles are on tho top of youb head.” Fussy Man: “So they arc. But why didn't you say so before?” Clerk: “Business before pleasure, you know, sir!” finite Distant isolations. Both of them wore natives of the Emerald Isle. This perhaps explains the warmth and cordiality of tho chance acquaintanceship which they struck up while on a railway journey. “An’ so ye say ycr name is Riley?” asked one. “Are jo, I wonder, any relation to my ould friend Tim Riley?” “Very distantly,” replied the other. “Oi was mo mother’s first child; Tim was her twelfth.” Me Sinew Better, The oldest inhabitant was discussing tho matrimonial affairs of a couple who were not too happily wed. “It’s all along o’ they hasty marriages,” said he. “Why, they only know each other about seven year. Consequence was, they married without understanding one another.” “Well, seven years is a good long time,” said a stranger. “Not it. Why, I courted Mary for nineteen year!” “And is yours a happy marriage?” asked tie stranger. “Ye jump to conclusions,” said the old man. “After I’d courted her nineteen year I understood her so well I did not marry her after all.’ Untrofhiciii!*- Him. A gentleman was once advertised to sing at a charity concert presided over by a city councillor—a self-made man. The first song was “The Owl.” On rising to announce it the chairman was interrupted and informed that the singer had not arrived, a fact that he duly notified to the audience. A little later, however, tho missing baritone made his appearance, and was observed by the worthy chairman, who called on him without delay. But tho singer had hurried, and had not recovered his breath, so, with apologies, this fact was suitably explained and another

artiste requisitioned. At length the baritone was quite ready. The councillor rose, and quite innocently discomfited the long-awaited singer by announcing with marked confidence: “Mr ’Ampton will now favour us with the longed-for ‘ Howl ’ 1”