EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2929, 4 May 1910, Page 87

EDITOR'S WALLET.

Hints About Sleep.

Don't sleep on your left side,, for it causes too great a pressure oil the heart. Don't sleep on your right side, for it interferes with the respiration of that lung. Don't sleep on your stomach, for that interferes with the respiration of both lungs, and makes breathing difficult. Don't sleep on your back, for this method of getting rest is bad for the- nervous system.

Don't sleep sitting in a chair, for youibody falls into an unnatural position, and you cannot get the necessary relaxation. Don't sleep.

Urgent.

With a terrified look on bis face paterfamilias hastened to the 'phone and rang up the family physician. " Our little boy's ill, doctor," he called. "Please come at once!" "Sorry," responded the phj'sieian, "but I eha'n't be able to get round under an ihour." "For Heaven's sake do,. doctor! It may be a matter of life or death." "Is he so bad, then?" queried the physician. '" Not yet," responded the worried parent. " But my wife's got a book on ' What to do Before the Doctor Comes,' i and I'm so afraid that she'll have tilne to ! do it I" i

"Vegs, With Love."

They were to be married in October, and

now they were sitting in his 6tudy, meditat ing on the blissfulness of futurity. "'Algy," said the young iady suddenly, " every morn you send me violets, which at even you have lulled, don't you?" "I do," responded the ever-faithful, "na matter what the cost." "You darling!" (Pause for oscillatory operations.) "But 1 was going to suggest," she murmured, " that some mornings yo aaip: : send up a pound of tomatoes or a ooupl" of cabbages. It wouldn't cost you ha. ; so nuieh, and it would make such a hi. with the old folk."

As Per Instruction

In the dickens of a temper John Jackson, lawyer, strode into his office. "Who took away my waste-paper basket?" he roared. " Mr Reilly," said the boy. "And who is Mr Reilly?" inquired Jackson. "The porter, Mr Jackson," answered the youngster. " And who opened the window, then?''snapped Jackson. "Mr Peters, 3ir." "And who ; s Mr Peters?" "The window-cleaner, Mr Jackson." "Look here, James," snapped the lawyer, determined to get the best in something; "we call men by their first names here. Not cO much ' mister,' please. First namet. d'ye understand?" " Right-ho, John!" piped the office boy. Then the fat was in the fire.

Didn't Lose Her.

A young mar was timidly courting r. pretty girl. On afternoon in the garden he scraped up courage enough to ask in a tremulous whisper for a kiss.

"A kiss!" she said. "You ask me for a kiss? Now, applied to the hand a kis-i signifies respect. On the forehead it denotes friendship. Upon the lips it denotes all things—or nothing." She paused pensively, then went on: " You may, since you wish it, kiss me. You may exprass yourself in one kiss. Proceed." The timid' young man, red and confused, pondered. '* I mustn't lose her!" he muttered to himself. " Where, then, shall 7 kiss her?"

His meditations were interrupted by a pretty whistle. It was his divinity, he: red mouth puckered into the shape of a rosebud, her hat nulled down over her eyes, hiding her forehead completely, and her hands were thrust up to the wrists in the pockets of tier jacket!

Suspicion*.

" I think I have solved the tramp problem in a perfectly satisfactory way," said the New Jersey farmer as the subject was under discussion. "It did no good whatever to put up signs warning them offi, or to keep a bulldog at the gate. I tried all that, and last spring I made a change. I put up signs for three miles round, reading "Tramps, Please Call at the Baker Farm,-' and 'All' Tramps Welcomed at Baker's,' and the result is that not three of them have called. The other day, t< show you how, it works, a tramp came along and looked things over, and said to me: "'Any . constables hidden in the barii 5 : "'Not one,' I repliad. "'How many bulldogs you got?' " ' None at all.' " ' Got a lot of spring guns or bear traps set about the piace?' " 'Nothing of the kind.' "'Has a feller got to do a day's work to get a meal?' " 'No work at all. You come right i:-i and I will give you a square meal for nothing, and if you want to stay all night I'll give you the best bed in the houss.' "He looked at me in a puzzled way for a minute," continued the fanner, and then indulged l in a wink, and said: . " ' You can't play that little game on me, old man. This is my sixtieth year on the road.' "'But what game?' I asked. .

" 'Putting poison in the milk and selling our remains to a medical college for a dollar apiece. Oh, no, Mr Baker —not this eve V "