THE CHASTENING OF MARMADUKE.

Otago Witness, Issue 2914, 19 January 1910, Page 98

THE CHASTENING OF MARMADUKE.

By Mabel S. Medd.

The tidings that Marmaduke Mompesson had Been nominated as one of the candidate's for North Budsbire at the approaching election surprised his relations and considerably amused his large circle of acquaintances. Marmaduke was a short young man of thirty-three, with a good deal of sandy hair,' well-covered bones, and insignificant features. The contemptible proportions of his nose, indeed, induced Lady Susan Eradan, his maternal grandmother, to prophesy failure directly she heard of hi® project. , “A man with a nose like yours. Marmaduke, is not destined to shine in public life.” the dowager told her grandson unkindly. (Lady Susan, herself was a statuesque person whose classic profile had been immensely admired in the fifties.) She illustrated' her theory by references to the nasal appendages of a number of great men, and Marmaduke left her presence feeling small, a sensation he detested and rarely experienced. On reaching his comfortable flat in Condor street he went straight to his mirror and decided, after a careful inspection of the libelled feature, that it was inoffensive, though perhaps not handsome. and that Lady Susan was a tiresome old fool. His well-developed bump of self-esteem usually enabled him to easily relegate any unfriendly critic to this category. 17, A -urQuld show th.o ancient ■wnat

he could do, he said to himself resolutely as he ate his excellent luncheon, while in the adjoining room his valet packed his portmanteau in readiness for a preliminary trip to Budshiire. The election was but six weeks distant, and he knew that it behoved him to make good use of his time. His rival was a local man, who had, a.s it were, been nursing the constituency ever since he could speak, and his popularity had made the task of finding a candidate to oppose him difficult. Marmaduke was leading rather a forlorn hope, his committee feared, but the young man himself was sanguine. Ais he travelled down to Budbury that fine winter’s afternoon he thought out his plan of campaign, and reminded himself that, in two important respects at least, he possessed an advantage over the worthy Higgins. He was wealthy, whereas his opponent was comparatively poor; the latter was also an indifferent speaker, whereas Marmaduke was a fluent, experienced orator. At the Oxford “Union” the latter had achieved notoriety as an undergraduate who thrust himself into every debate, and was impervious to jeers, sarcasm, or an empty “house.” By dint of this practice the young man had acquired the knack of saying a great deal which sounded extremely well, but meant very little. The gift, he fancied, would stand' him in good stead, on the political platform. When he arrived at Budbury his first visit was to a leading house agent, whom he instructed to find a. furnished residence for him in the locality as speedily as possible. “I shall only require it for two months, • unless ” He coughed gently, and the representative of Baldwin, Blithers, and Son smiled knowingly. “But, of course, I am willing to take it for six months, or even a year if necessary.” Mr Baldwin, duly impressed by the rent his new client was willing to pay, proceeded to sing the praises of Silentia Lodge, a “charming little place on the outskirts of the town—will suit you exactly, sir.” Marmaduke agreed to an immediate inspection of this desirable residence, which proved to be an uncompromising specimen of mid-Victorian architecture, built most unwisely in close proximity to the road. But the rooms were large, the furniture good, and the terms exorbitant, and, taking these points into consideration, the would-be M.P. decided that the house would suit him. _ Its tenants were hankering after the Riviera, and were delighted to clinch the matter so promptly. The following letter left Budbury by the lest post that night: “My Dear Mother, —I have taken a house, which, though not ideal, will serve our purposes. It will be ready for u,s in a week. I am relying on your promise to come down and helpline, and; you might get Lady Rivers, Alicia, and Mrs Ladell to assist later on. No girls, on any account —my bachelorhood is a great card, and I must play it tor all it is worth ; Budburv is stuffed' with women. Higgins has five daughters and a prosy wife, I hear. I "met him in the High Street to-dav, and shook hands with him effusively—l should like to have slapped him on the back, but couldn’t quite make up my mind. He seemed rather in a hurry—beastly bad form whan I was trying to be civil.—Your affectionate son, “ Marmaduke Peter Mompesson.” Three weeks later, Budbury had grown accustomed to the spectacle of Mrs Mompesson and her son rushing about in their green motor, disappearing into houses, with stereotyped smiles on their faces, and emerging with a tired look about the eyes. “ Your ma’s a fine woman,” approved Yale the butcher, one morning, venturing to be familiar with Mr Mompesson on the strength of his promised vote. (The Silentia Lodge household consumed ribs of beef and legs of mutton of incredible size, whereas the Higginses were mostly vegetarians.) “ Well preserved, I take it ? Looks more like your wife than your ma.” “ My mother will be much gratified, I’m sure, by your encomiums,” Marmaduke endeavoured to reply affably. “ Ah, now you’re laughing at me, sir— I never said anything about harmoniums. But, talking about moosic, I hear vou had a lively time at Chistlewick last night.” The good man chuckled, as human nature prompts one to do, over another person’s discomfiture. “ Ye—es, the meeting did not go off quite so smoothly as usual,” Marmaduke admitted, slightly reddening. “ Them Suffragettes certainly do liven things up. Mr ’lggins is dead agen them, and they gave him what for at Blackchurch on Tuesday. But perhaps you are more in favour of the ladies, sir ?” “ There is, no doubt, much to be said on the question of women’s suffrage,” conceded Marmaduke thoughtfully. “ Well, I must say ‘ good morning,’ Mr Yale; I see Mrs Mompesson has come out of Mrs Dancer’s house.” Marmaduke walked away with a less buoyant step than he usually thought well to display to Budbury. The meeting at Chistlewick had been an ordeal, and was, he feared, the fore-runner of similar unpleasant episodes. And until the arrival of the band of Suffragettes, all had been going capitally. Wobbling voters had shown a pleasing inclination to vanfce themselves on the side of the moneyed tenant of SilenCa T.odge, his meetings had bean crowded and orderly, if not actually enthusiastic, and his diplomatic hedgings—accepted by the less discerning as evidence of a broadminded disposition, were, he flattered himself, worthy of the Delphic oracle or a Cabinet Minister. But Mrs Evangeline Salter and her satellites were not to be put off thus easily. They were evidently determined to force him to nail his colours to the mast. He had refused to see the Suffragette deputation, but had fient Airs Salter a polite, but ambiguous missive—to which her reply had been the mortifying riot at Chistlewick.

Hitherto, Marmaduke had not paid any ' serious attention to the question of women’s suffrage, but, for the sake of i quieting Mrs Salter and her friends, he was ready to promise the support they . desired. But he knew that an alliance with the Suffragettes would immediately alienate some of his chief supporters — ■ prejudiced persons whose aversion to ex- • tending the franchise to women was deep- 1 seated and ineradicable. Walking on both sides of the way is obviously an uncomfortable method of j locomotion, and when at nearly every ' house where the Mompessons called that ; morning reference was made to the j Chistlewick pandemonium, Marmaduke s ; temper grew momentarily shorter, and his face longer. * “ I had no . idea canvassing was such rotten work,” he said irritably to his mother when at last the motor was head- i ing for home. j Mrs Mompssson smiled placidly. An : even disposition, superb health, apd a ! laudable determination never to worry enabled the lady at fifty-four to look thirty-five with very little • artificial as- ! sistance. “ You will feel "better after . lunch,” she s'aid cheerfully. ' “ Violet ! Be vers is coming tuts afternoon ; she will be a distraction for you,” ~ j ‘‘l _ shan’t .gee her till dinner’”— ’ gloomily. “I’ve let myself in for a tea with Sirs Lawson and those awful girls. ■ They say, ‘Yes, Mr Mompssson,’ and ‘No, Mr Mompssson,’ till my head aches from the strain of finding topics.” | “ Hardly more than it must have dons last night.” Then, observing the cloud on her son’s brow, Mrs Mompesson hastened to dilate upon Mr Higgins’s youngest daughter’s opportune attack of measles. On the plea of expecting a visitor, Marraaduke managed to get away from the Lawsons in time, after all, to welcome Lady Rovers, who had missed her train. She was taking off her sables in the hall, and the young man brightened at the sight of her pretty face and dainty clothes. The Lawsons had been extraor- ■ dinarily dowdy and tiresome. “You are looking fagged, Hops!” (Mar-I maduke’s nickname, bestowed upon him at Harrow, was an unkind allusion to the means by which, the late Mr Mompesson had made his fortune) observed Lady Revers presently, when she was sitting , with mother and son over the wood fire in the drawing room. “Marmaduke takes this election business so seriously,” explained Mrs Mompesson, who bad taught’ herself to regard everything except murder and an earthquake as trifles. | “It is the only way to succeed nowadays.” Lady Revers pointed out. “One ' must specialise in everything from politics . to pot-hooks! By the way” (turning to her host, “ I saw Minnie Cornish last night, and she sent yon her best wishes.” “Oh, Minnie!” Marmaduke’s interest was patently lukewarm. Then, remembering Lady Revers’s consulship to Miss Cornish, and the conspicuous attention he had paid the young lady during the recent season, he added lamely: “How is she looking?” “Ripping!” Violet Revers scrutinised Marmaduke’s heavy, self-complacent countenance for an instant a little contemptu- ■ onsly. “Such a nice girl!” murmured Mrs Mompesson politely. “Rather. She is not clever, of course, but she is one of the truest, kindest little girls in the world.” Her ladyship spoke warmly, and then diverted the conversation. “But tell are things going on here on the whole ? I met a garrulous dame —your parson’s wife, I think, in the train, and she told me about an exciting meeting at Chistlewick.” i With a smothered exclamation, Manna- , duke jumped up, regarding Lady Revers j with a “Thou also, Brutus!” expression. ! “Wo called upon eighteen people this morning, and fifteen mentioned the Chistlewick meeting.” Mrs Mompesson answered her guest’s look of surprise. \ “I am very sorry to be the sixteenth offender. But it must have been rather , fun, with Mrs Salter' to the fore. I had i an amusing encounter with her when 1 was canvassing for Ted two years ago.” . And Lady Revers launched out into an entertaining account of various experiences on that occasion, which lasted until it was time for the two ladies to dress for dinner. ■, Five minutis after they had gone upstairs, Marmaduke was crossing the hall to his study when the staid butler ap- ■ proacbed him. : “Lady Susan Eraden and another lady , to see you in the library, sir.” : “Lady Susan!” His master stared for an instant in astonishment. “Why did •, you show her in the library? And are you sure she asked for me?” “Her ladyship walked straight in. She said ‘Mr Mompesson’ very distinct, sir. They arrived in a motor car.” Asking himself, in some annoyance, . what this unheralded visit of his grand- : mother and her companion foreboded, j Marmaduke entered the library, smiling tepidly. ; “This is an, unexpected plea ” he began, with outstretched hand. But the sentence was never finished. As he nd- , vanced into the room the taller of the ' two be-muffled ladies awaiting him glided quickly behind him, turned the key in the lock, and put it in her pocket. At the same moment the other lady raised her veil, and Marmaduke promptly recogn'-sed his enemy, the slim Mrs Evangeline . Salter. i “You must forgive this little stratagem, Mr Mompesson.” began the latter lady | politely. “But you refused to see us, and , this seemed the only way.” Glaring furiously at her, Marmaduke strode silently towards the electric bell. ; but before he could reach it. Mrs Salter’s ■ companion, who had slipped out of her fur coat, put out a hand to arrest him. ■ In an instant the amazed and indignant young man was lying on the floor with a gag in his mouth. struggling feebly while the two ladies deftly tied him up so that be was not able t.o move. “Ju-iitsu! ” explained the younger

I woman briefly Sbe locked. at the trussed fiorure on the ground with satisfaction, j °“We are sorry to have to resort to these strong measures,” Mrs Salter announced in business-like tones ‘‘but we aye determined to stand no shilly-shallying, and your letter was despicably evasive. We : knew tliat Mrs Mompesson usually. ! upstairs dressing for dinner at this time, ! so that we should have you to ourselves. I I have a paper here which you must sign, promising to support the Women’s butj frag© Bill. Should you refuse to do ; so we shall summon your servants to the ; room. They are nearly all Budbunans, ; I understand. Your present attitude is i hardily dignified- or edifying, and the story will scarcely tend to augment the chances of your candidature. We aie , quite prepared to face any consequences ourselves. If you consent to sign nod | your head twice, and Miss Heskith will : release your right arm.” | Marmaduke spluttered obstinately for a moment or two, but eventually did as Mrs Salter suggested, his decision being i possibly hastened by the sound of footsteps in the corridor. I “Thank you so much,” said Mrs Salter suavely, • after the document had been • signed, and she had placed it carefully !in her bag. “I am sure you have decided wisely.” i .As Marmaduke made bis hasty toilet that evening lie paused, as he was brushing his rumpled hair, to survey the i feature to which Lady Susan had referred so uncomp 1 inrentairily, and asked himself dolefully whether, had it been of more imposing shape and dimensions, Mrs Salter and her athletic friend would have dared to treat him in the way they had done? He seemed to hear his grandmother’s decisive ‘‘No!” and went down to dinner feeling thoroughly humiliated and out of spirits. Neither did the curious expression, suggestive of restrained hilarity, on Simmond’s, the butler’s, usually solemn face assist in any way towards the restoration of his equanimity. I As the election day drew nearer Marmaduke and his supporters—reduced in some important respects by his alliance with the suffragettes—realised that events were trending, less and lees in their favour. , Although Mrs Salt er and her athletic friend had left Budbury for another battle- | field, the story of their “interview” noth Mr Mompesson was bruited abroad by the' faithless Simmonds, who, attracted to the library door by the sound of a scuffle, had so far forgotten himself as i to survey the scene through the vacant keyhole. Mr Higgins’s adherents na-tur- , ally made great fun of the incident, and . a realistic sketch of M-armaduk-e’s discomfiture, which appeared in the Opposition paper, caused that journal to be eold out within a. short time of its publication. Another unfortunate. episode was the annihilation of Mrs Stubbs!s pet poodle by Marmaduke’s motor car.-Mrs Stubbs, a rich, eccentric widow, ferociously described the young man as “a murderer,” ( an d intimated to her numerous tenants ‘that any support given to the miscreant at the polling station would place them permanently in her black books. ; Marmaduke worked strenuously, and Mrs Momrneeson, Lady Revens, and Mrs La dell visited cottages, kissed irmb-hy | children, attended church twice on Sundays, and smiled upon the Lawsons and their friends even more graciously than they were obliged to do upon their cooks. But neither tact, money, nor energv availed _ anything, for, when the fateful day arrived, it was found that the electorate of North Budshire had chosen Mr Higgins by a majority of over two tboui sand to represent them in Parliament, i • • j Lady Susan Era-den was an approving ’ spectator _at Marmadnke’s marriage to pretty Minnie Cornish early in the following April, The radiance of the bride | and the contented, amiable, almost de- ; pre-rating manner of the bridegroom were noticed by everyone. I “Marmadnke’s relatives are nnfeignedly grateful to North Budshire,” Lady'Susan ea.id to Lady Revere, when the ceremony was over. “He was becoming intolernble and even now I’m afraid that poor nt-tle girl will find that her idol -has '.feet . of ojay but a life with her' amcno- the mangold wurzels and cows, •• which are his proper setting, mar save" him fr om , i becom!n .g unite impossible. Nature | not mould Marmaduke for ‘a brilliant i Cal ™’ - an f, T '*<*y Susan, glanced sfonifi- ; oantly at. the principal feature of' her grandson’s face which had become dis- . tmctly shiny.—M.A.P.