FIORDLAND.

Otago Witness, Issue 2861, 13 January 1909, Page 70

FIORDLAND.

THE CALL OF THE WILDS. j (Fbou Our Ov/ir Correspondent.) j CHRISTCHURCH, January 10. j Mr E. M. Laing, describing in the Press the recent \isit to the Sounds of a number of Christchurch residents, writes : " Those of us who went ashore at BLshee Bay met a former teacher of the Dunedin Normal School who leads a hermit's life on, a little island several miles inside of Puysegur Point. For some 20 odd years lie" has lived by himself, chiefly in this Sound, and has "now lo3t all dcs-ire to visit the outer world. Before his arrival here lie spent a lew months on an islet not a milo in circumference, at the junction of Thompson, Smith, Doubtful, and Brad■haw Sounds, and it is now named after him — Seymoie L-land. The Sounds have always had an attraction for the recluse or the solitary prospector. Sutherland, . who now keeps the accommodation house I in Milford, and after whom the great falls are named, spent years alone prospecting and exploiing. 'Dotherty, who long wandered about Preservation and Dusky , seeking for valuable minerals and died ; suddenly in one of the Sounds, was another example of the wanderer who shuns the life of the town. Henry, the former caretaker of Resolution Island and now at Kapiti, also belong* to the same type. | "At Dugky Sound we met Lieutenant Goldfinch, the present caretaker of Resolution Island, and hie wife. The latter, eoni/G two months ago, in a brave attempt , to join her husba-nd, walked from Orepuki i to Preservation Inlet. Becoming exhausted j on the way, she took aheker whilst her j guide sought for help at Preeervation ; Inlet. He left her protected from the , etorm in ti, hollow tree with a fire in front of it. Unfortunately, the tree itself j caugljt fire, and to avoid being burnt she i had to leave it and spend the lest of the night exposed to the inclement weather. On assistance arriving she finally reached Preservation Inlet, and fiom there waa able to join her husband by boat,'

I The Southland County Council decided a,t the meeting on Friday that Wednesday should be the "working day in the week for the observance of the Yreokly half-holiday, L

FUN AND FANCY ♦ — — "How did he lose his money?" — 'His father-in-law failed." — First Baby: "Suppose women voted." Second Baby : " Heaven-s, we'd be kissed to death." — Tourist : " What are those bells ringing foi, my lad?" Urchin: "'Cos somebody's puliin' 'em.." — liittle 'Gordon was studying hia Sunday school 'esson. " I gay, papa," he queried, •'what did the Dead Sea die of?" — " Oh, guard, can I change here for Glasgow?" — "Certainly, eir, but you'd bett&r not if you want to get there quickly." — Sentinel (on guard): "Halt! Who comes there" The Colonel: "Fool!" Sentinel : " Advance, fool, and give ti-e countersign." — Gertie : '• My brother is just awful. He can't keep a halfpenny." Bertie: "He's been keeping ten bob of mine a long time now, anyway." — "We ate our rubber boots." — "Provisions ran out?" — "No, but the explorer thought it might add interest to his lecture, you know." — Louie: "Uncle, what's 'chagrin'?" Uncle: "Well, it's what a stout man feels who runs and jumps on a car that doesn't start for half an hour." — Invalid: "Ah, doctor, I shall never get relief till I'm in my grave." Doctor (cheerily) : " All right, don't worry. lam doing what I can for youj' — Willie: "Papa is going to let you marry sister." FeatheTStone : "How do you know?" Willie: "He ©aid after all it was better than nothing." — Professor (examining medical student : "If you were called out to a patient, what, is the first question you would ask?" Medical Student: "Where he lived." — Youngun: "You legard eoeiety merely as a machine, do you? Well, _ what part of tho do you consider me?"' Oldun : " Oh, you're one of the cranks !" — The Vica**: "I'm surprised at 'you, Migga. Why; look at me. I can go into the town without coming back intoxicated." Miggs: " Yesh, zur, but Oi be co popular." — "Fanny has given notice." — "Why?" — "She says you spoke in a brutal. manner to her on the- telephone yesterday.'" •- "Yesterday? I thought I was speaking to you !" — "Mrs Askitt fat the mountain resort, a temperance hotel) : " Every day you men make several trips to see the hermit. Who is he?" Mr Askitt: " Sh ! He's the box man." — Office Boy : " Please, sir, my grandmother's dead, and I muse get off early to go to> the funeral mateh — I mean rhe football ceremony — that is " (Exit in confusion). — " Sometimes," said a would-be humourist, " I think my jokes are awfully bad. I s'pose that's my modesty?" — "No," was the reply, " that's your common* sense." — " Do you believe there ever really was such a thing as a miracle?" — "Sure. Not a single member of our high school football team sustained a broken spine iasfc season." — Tom: "She broke the engagement." Dick: "What did Harry do?" Tern: "He cent her a bill for the use of the engagement ring for tho time they were engaged." — "It takes a good deal 'of money to keep the sons of rich men going," remarked the moraliser. " Yes," rejoined the demoraliser, " but it doesn't take them long to get there." —•' Oh," she said as he led her to a eext. " I could die waltzing." — " Well," he replied, " to tell you the truth, I was afraid owing to the way you breathed, that you were going to." — " Ye've won tie first prize in the raffle, and yet ye' re meeserable " — " Yes, \l was jist ma luck, buying- two tickets ■nhsn yin wad a' done. It were jist a saxpenca wastod!" — "Very well, sir," cried Dr Kwack, after his quarrel with the undertaker, " I'll make you 6orry for this." — " What are you going to do," sneered the undertaker — "retire from practice?" — ■ Patience : " Have you seen the new .hat called the automobile?" Patrice: "No, is it anything like an automobile?" — " Something ; you can't tell whether it's coming or .going!" — "What we want," said the enthusiast "is some ringing speeches." — "Yes," answered the man, who is collecting campaign funds, "some speeches that will make the cash register ring." — "Have you ever visited Sorrento?" asked Mrs Oldca<rtle. " No," replied her hostess, as she tossed her 30,000 dollar tiara upoiv the inlaid centre table. "Is she a medium or just a palm reader?" — Miss Primrose : " Don't you ever give your dog any exercise?" Miss Hollyhock (fondling a fat pet dog) : "Of course. I feed him every f ew minutes wir.h chocolates just to make him wag his tail." — Neighbour: "And what did the doctor say?" Old Man: "'X said no more medicine, but if ye take a little walk of a marnin' on the common and get the air, mebbe you'll live to be a oxygenerian." — Mother: "There were two apples in tho cupboard, Tommy, a.nd now there is only one. How's that?" Tommy (who sees no way of escape) : " Well, ma, it was so dark in there I didn't see the other." —Mr Crinwonbeak: "What in the world is the matter with thi6 shirt?" Mrs Crimsonbeak: " Oh, I guess the girl boiled it a little too loner, dear, tJiat'6 all." Mr Crimsonbeak: "Looks to me as if she had fried it!" — " Don't you enjoy t.he glories of summer?" queried a poetic young lady. "Yes," answered the prosaic paterfamilias to whom the question was put, "it is something o£ & comfort to fi'id the gas bills getting so much smaller !" — "It this the best hotel in the town?"' a traveller in the North of England askod a, resident. "Well," was the reply, "I dunno a« I'd put it as strong as that, but I guess it's «afe to say it ian't as bad as some of 'em." — Board inspector trying to elicit name of weapon U3ed by Samson to kill tho Philistines. Children, were dense. "What H this?" he suggested, touching his check. In. a moment; a child called out — "The jawbone of an ass, sir!" — The enfant terrible had been- silent for half an hour, and her anxious mamma at last found her with an alarm clock tied to her foot. " Whaf mischief aro you up io now, d-ailing?" she inquired. "Foot's asleep, aud I want to waken it," wa& trie reply.

Iporking' for now?"' asked Sinildns, over the garden fence. " Same people," was the cheery answer. " A wife and five children." — Mtb Brown: "I hare such a lovely present for my husband." Mrs Smith: "What is it?" Mrs Brown: "A pair of slippers. "Won't he be pleased?" Mrs Smith:" "Yes. What do you expect to get from him?" Mrs Brown: "On, nothing much — a djamond ring, I suppose, or a new silk dress." — "Those brothers belong to a family with a great deal of character, don't they?" —"Yes, and they show it. The eldest h.-.s an iron nerve, but a lo: of bras. The second can eteel himself to anything, while the third has a heart of gold."— " Humph ! I should say from your description they are all men of mettle." ' — "It is time," said the speaker, " thafc -we had a moral awakening in this town. Let us arise in our might. Let us gird' up our loins. Let us take off our coats. Let us bare our arms. Let us " " Hold on now!" screamed an angular lady who ■was seated near the platform. "If this is to be a moral awakening don't you dare to propose to take off another thing." — A North Country miner was imprisoned in the earth by the fall of a huge block of timber, and it was three days before ' he was reached by a rescue party. When j finally a passage had been made, the manager put in his head. "Jack, how are j you?" he asked. ""All right.!" was tie , reply. "What day is it?" — "Monday."— "Good, then I'm in time for the dog thow.'' A youth who much desired to wear the matrimonial yoke had not sufficient courage to " pop the question." On informing his father of the difficulty he laboured under, the old gentleman passionately replied, "Why, you great booby, how do you • suppose I managed when I jjot married?" "Oh, yes," said the bashful lover, " you married mother, but I've got to marry a strange girl." — Lady Randolph Churchill relates a stoTv of a young barrister who came into court late, having evidently, from his appearance, dined well but net; wisely the Might before. Sir Alexander Cockburn reprimanded him, asking what excuse he could offer. "None," retorted the culprit, " unless it is that I had the honour of dining witb your lordship last night, and that bad wine tells on an empty stomach. ' — " My physician advises me to settle down where I may have the benefit of the south wind," said an invalid to a house agent. "It this the district for me? Does that Avind blow here?"— -You're fortunate in coming to just the right place,' answered the ag-er.t. "The south wind | always blows her©."—" Always? It seems ] to be blowing from the north now." — " Yv'ell, it may be coming from that direction, but it's the south wind. It's coming j back you know." — " An English tourist recently made his first trip to Niagara Falls, and a guide ■that ho hired was trying to impress him with their magnitude. " Grand !" suggested' tho guide. Tho visitor did not seem im- | precsed. "Millions of gallons a minute," j explained the guide. " How many, in a j day?" asked the tourist. "Oh, billions: and billions," answered the guide. The j visitor looked aeroes and down and up, as if gauging the flow, and then turned away disinterestedly. "Runs all night, too, I suppose ?" he remarked nonchalantly. — "Ah, Giles," said a curate to an old rustio whom ho met on his way to church one Sunday morning, " how beautiful it is to hear those silver tongues pealing out from the belfry." "Eh?" replied Giles, who was deaf. "I/Say how beautiful it is to hear those silver tongues pealing out from the belfry." "Eh?" repeated Gilee, putting his hand to his ear. " I say how •beautiful it is," shouted the curate, "to hear those silver tongues pealing out from tho belfry." " I can't hear a word you say," said Giles; "them bells are making such a terrible noies." —"I often wonder," said a gentleman to a young mechanic, " how you ever pluokcd up courage enough to propose to your wife — you were always such a bashful young fellow." " Well," explained the husband, "she made it easy for me. You know, I walked out with her frequently, ai.d she nni«t have known I meant business. But I wa^ always afraid to speak right out, till ono night I eaid to her rather casually, 'Do you think you'll ©ver marry?' She aaid she thought 6he might; to I said.' 'Wfosn?' 'Whenever you do,' was her ansv,er ; arwi I said, 'All right. ' Ho we e&ttled the day tliEre and than." — A well-known ic-sid-ant in Portsmouth rails at Ul3 iiK-onv&nienoa he suffers on. account, of en incurable stutter, which, however., on one occasion proved decidedly &dv.ant.a#-t i ous. Ec "was anxious to buy a pony "for his soil, and during- a visit to a loral dealer saw the very minimal ho wanted The dealer, anxious to effect a 6>j.10, pressed him oloseFy. "You won't gefc a better little 'oxae tha.n thi.s anywhere." ho assarted. "Now, come, sir. name a jip-ure ; make us a hoffor.*' — "Tory well," lfcpHed the customer, "s-say s-se — as — six: ■ " He intended to offer £16, but befoie he could complete the stammered senter.oo the dealer broke in, " Done with you, sir — done with you for six pun." i — A hawker on-? day entered a business man's office and cougib&d slightly to attract attention. The merchant turned abruptly to the man. " Well." he asked, "what can I do for 3-011?"' — "I am travelling." - the pedlar began, " with a patent electric hairbrush " — What do I want with a hairbrush?" growled the business man. "Can't you 6ee I'm bald?" — "Your wife perhaps '" — " Bald, too, except when she's dressed up." — "Yes, sir. But you may have at home a little child " — "We have. It's one week old, and quite bald." — " Of course at that age," said the pedlar. " But," he persisted, " perhaps ■von keep a dog?" — We do." said the business man, "a hairless Chinese dog." ihe pedlar dived into another pocket. "In that case allow me," he eaid. "to show you the 'latest thing in fly-papers."