The Cool Captain.

Otago Witness, Issue 2856, 9 December 1908, Page 88

The Cool Captain.

A good story is told of a lisping officer having been victimised by a brother officer (who- was noted for his cool deliberation and strong nerves), and his getting square with hyn in the following manner. The cool joker, the captain, was always quizzing the lisping officer, a lieutenant, for hie nervousness, and said one day in the presence of his company : "Why, nervousness is all nonsense. I tell you, lieutenant, no brave man will be nervous." "Well," inquired his lisping friend, "how would you do thpose a thell with an inth futhe thould drop itthelf in a walled angle, in whith you had taken theater from a company of tharpthoothertb, and where it wath thertain if you put out your nothe you'd get peppered?" "How?" said the captain, winking at the circle; "why, take it cool, and epit on the fuse." The party broke up, and all retired except the patrol. The next morning a number of eoldiers were assembled on the parade and talking ir? clusters, when along came the lisping lieutenant. Lazily opening his eves, he remarked : "I want to try an experiment thith morning, and thee how extheedingly cool the captain can be." Saying this, he walked deliberately into the captain's quarters, where a fire was burning on the hearth, placed in its hottest centre a powder canister, and instantly retreated. There was but one mode of egress from the quarters, and that was upon the parade ground, the road being built up Tor defence. The occupant took one look at the canister, comprehended the situation, ■ynd in a moment dashed at the door, but it was fastened on the outside. "Charley, let iiig out, if you love me!" . shouted the captain. j "Thpit on the canister!" shouted he in return. j Not a moment was to be lost. He had at first enatehod up a blanket to cover his egress, but now, dropping it, he raised the window, and out h« bounded, sans everything but a very abort undergarment, and thue, with hair almost on end, ho dashed upon a full parado ground. The- ehout« which hailed him brought out the whole barracks to see what was the matter, and the dignified captain pulled a sergeant in , front of him to hide himeelf. j "Why didn't jou thpir on it?" inquired I the lieutenant. j "Because there were no sharpshooters in I front to stop a retreat," answered the captain. j "All I've got to thay, then, ith," eaid the lieutenant, "that you might thafely have done it; for I'll thware thore wathn'c , i thingle gram of powder in it." The captain hae never spoken of nervous- ' neee since. I