THE JOSKINS SERIFS OF SPORTING STORIES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2817, 11 March 1908, Page 77

THE JOSKINS SERIFS OF SPORTING STORIES.

. By F. DA. C. De LTsle.

(Author of "Tales of Sahib Land," "Tales of the 28th 8.L,.," "The Adventures of a Turf Detective/ "Sport the World Over," etc., etc.) (All Rights Reserved.) ANOTHER IDOL SHATTERED. Sine© the unfortunate contretemps" on the Adeline Polo Club's ground, that had resulted m Joskins making a most inglorious* exit from the playing afield, the ambitious G.R. had confined himself to race-ndmg. Mr Widdowley Grahamson, the husband of the Junoesque lady whom Joskirs had worshipped, did not frequent - the racecourses; and Joskins felt himself comparatively safe from the immediate obliteration that had been promised him by the above-mentioned gentleman, upon that fateful afternoon when Joskins had been chivvied all over the shop by the fiery little tiger who had the legal right .of possession to Mrs Widdowley Grahamson. Jcskins prudently avoided the polo ground the whole of that season, and only upou ascertaining that the bloodthirstybetter half of Mrs W. G. did not hunt was he persuaded into becoming an active member of the Woldshire Worriers during the ensuing winter. A> ith the advent of spring the Grahamson menage left the Wold for fresh woods and pastures new, and Joskins breathed freely once again. He was not pugnaciously inclined, and had often assured himself that he would rather run ten miles than fight one round with a devil like the tigery Widdowley Grahamson. Joskins was wont to state in clear and concise language that no man had a right to take the law into his own hands, even ■whan it became a question of honour; and he further stated, in public, that if -Widdowley Grahamson dared to molest him he would immediately prosecute the fiendish beast, and get him six months' hard labour. However, to our muttons, as the French say. After the smasher be collected at Gatwick, Joskins did a stretch in hospital, and while there had it out with himself ; a regular soul-to-soul - talk, as it were. He shuddered visibly when he recalled that perilous journey. It 'was all very well to be ambitious, he argued; and the accumulation of the necessary aggregation of shekels required j to lay him m the lap of luxury was a J anoat praiseworthy object. But what an •infernal ass he was, he reasoned, to risk/ his immortal eoul and liis future epicurean* existence by- chasing the root of all evil in person! More especially when there were hundreds of immature imbeciles ready to surrender themselves to the possibility of being reduced to infinitesimal fragments, with the dubious alternative of having the exact magnitude of their brain power exposed to the gaze of a critical world,, at any time, for a paltry reward ! Never, .never again would he risk his precious vertebrae riding over jumps! Henceforth he would pay for the assistance of the adventurous biped (who defied the god of misfortune) in the shape of a fashionable jockey. Let pallida Mors intervene if he so desired; it would not be Anthony Augustine Jcskins who would be prematurely conveyed to the boneyard, like a lump of prehistoric butcher's meat! And from that date no sophistical argument ever prevailed in persuading "Jos" to ride over fences. His career as a steeplechase or hurdle-race rider was closed for ever. He might some day attempt a welter ride, on the flat, under National Hunt rules; but post-and-rails, the open ditch, and water jumps ! —oh! pass the decanter, please! When Joskins finally quitted the hospital in a fairly mended state, he re- I sembled a fragile little bric-a-brac doll that had been glued together aUer many stirring vicissitudes in the nurseiy ; and the doctor's parting advice was "rest and clean living." Under the ciicuniftanco3 Joskins was obliged to indulge himself •with the delights of a- both-chair as a means of locomotion, and Con, his Irish groom and trainer, had more work to do than he could conveniently m::nage. He "had kept the racing stable going, after a fashion, working The Skirmisher in the morning and Rocket in the afternoon ; but with his master's convalescence came the important question of annexing some further prize-money in order to make the stable pay its way. Opportunely there 'arrived >at Joskins's Lodge a friend in the shape of the gentleman rider I mentioned in ''The Joskins Smash" incident. A further and more detailed description of the gentleman In question now becomes appropriate. j Captain Hugh Fitzheibert Leighman, J late of the 50th "Bengal Lanceis, was a gentleman rider who occasionally came to the front in a very startling manner. That he was a brilliant ard most capable horseman was acknowledged on every side. But he did not get a great many mounts. for several reasons. Fiistlv, becance it ,wa» universally known that Captain Leighman would never under any conditions get up on a non-trier ; secondly, because he would not ride for anybody or everybody ; thirdly, because his weight (list 71b) was against him ; and lastly, because he was practically unfitted for the position of a G.R. owing to an adamantine pride th-it prevented many a small man approaching •him at all. H's better friends raid that £be captain assumed his mantle of pride to hide his poverty. It was true that lie ,was desperately poor. But, anyhow, lie Always remained well dressed, a centlem'an, and he owed no man a shilling. Joskins on more than one occasion had befriended the captain with mounts at hunt meetings and on the polo field, and {hiring the whole of thje preceding winter Captain Leighman had iiad a loan of Tomtit, the best polo pony in Joskins's stables. 'Ab Tomtit was a strong, cobby sort, well

fup to fourteen stone, and » powerful jumper, the captain had found the pony very useful in a mild gallop after hounds. And it was in order to express his thanks fittingly for the loan -that he turned up one morning at Joskins Lodge just as Con was riding The Skirmisher out to exercise, with Joskins following to view the business in a bath chair. " Mo " lin 8 ! " sa id Captain Leighman. Mum! - Getting over your smash? I heard all about it. Not quite an accident, eh? Know better next time! Must thank you for the loan of this little beggar!" He patted the pony he was riding affectionately on the wither. "I think you'll find Jiim improved ; jumps uke a stag now! He's in rare fettle, and fit for anything." Joskin 6 expressed his pleasure at the appearance of his pony. Tomtit's bay coat shone like bronze, and he was as bright as a star all over. "I'm afraid I 6hall not be able to use him this season," said Joskins ; "the doctor has ordered me ' refit. ' " "Hum! Don't like doctors' orders myself," replied the captain. "Make a molly-coddle of you. Can you walk?" "Oh, yes !" answered Joskin 6. "Then jump out of that bally babycarriage and get up here," said the captain, promptly dismounting. Joskins feebly protested that the exercise would be too much for him. "All d d nonsense!" exclaimed Captain Leighman. "Get up here at once. The pony's like a rocking-chair; got a mouth like a lady's hand! What more d ye want?" Joskins got out of the bath-chair, and was assisted into the saddle by his friend. The bath-chair was ignominioiisly returned to the Lodge, arid Joskins rode on to the training ground, with Captain Leighman walking by his 6ide. When they returned to the Lcd.ge Joskins had an appetite like an alligator, and he ate jive boiled e<*gs and three plates of toast, and topped it all off with bread, butter, and marmalade. "That's what you want !" remarked Captain Leighman, helping himself sparingly tj game pie. "Build you up in no time. Burn that baby-carriage, and give Tomtit plenty of walking and a little trotting. Now about your stable. I'll ride work for you for a week or two ; I'm doing nothing. Can you give me a shakedown here?" Joskins fairly jumped at the chance, and Con was instructed to go over to Yatley— a neighbouring town some 15 miles away — and bring the captain's luggage over to the Lodge. The same afternoon saw Captain Leighman lodged with Joskins as a temporary assistant in the work of training the racehorses. Under the captain's care Joskins improved wonderfully. He grew stronger daily, and in a fortnight could go a really racing canter on Tomtit without feeling faint. In a month he was himself again, and commenced polo with his old club, the Adeline I\C. Captain Leighman's advice proved invaluable in schooling the two new ponies that Joskins had purchased, and he also taught Joskins the ethics of polo, much to the benefit of that little man. The advice he tendered his host was always of ths soundest and best, and it was really an excellent education to Joskins. The captain, pressed most particularly by his host, remained on at Joskins's Lodge. He was not doing much riding just then, and he remained with pleasure. The position had its advantages from an economical point of view. Meanwhile Jenkins was indulging in all the delights of the polo field. He practised every evening, and played matches every Saturday. "Look here !" said Captain Leighman to him confidtntially one evening, when Joskins had returned from polo practice and was bragging of his performance. "Polo does not consist of wearing green and lavender racing jackets and other clothes and fittings of outre colours. All that kind of thing is vulgar and d d bad form. Your Adeline P.C. are almost impossible. Their form is of the very vorst, and, you'll pardon me for saying so, old man. it would be devilish hard to find a gentleman amongst them. I like you because you are always open to be educated, and you don't try and act the extra heavy swell. In that you resemble the best of gentlemen, who always avoid side. When the French christened us a nation of shopkeepers they did so on the form of our Easter Monday bank holiday tourists — something like your Adeline P.C. people. The English gentleman was an unobtrusive person in h.s travels, and did not make himself felt like our parvenus and nouveaux riches; hence the nation of slsopkeepers. But as you are a member of the Adelines I suppose you must wear their extraordinary uniform. But that's no reason why you shouldn't play a deuced sight better than they do, and if you'll listen to me I will show you the right way from the wrong. I learned my polo in India, and there they play it good. I've watched you beggars plaj'ing, and I don't like your style at all. Everyone of you dwell on the ball — that is, you wait for it to settle before you strike it. That means loss of time. Always hit a ball on the move, whether it is coming towards you or going from you. In the former instance you want to play at it a couple of yards before it icaches you, just as a man ought to play at a leg-ball at cricket befoie it reaches him. When the ball is going your way play forward to hit it just as it gets on a level witk your pony's forelegs. The back strokes are just the reverse : when a ball is going -from you hit it just after it has passed you, when it is coming to you hit it when it is right under your iron. All this gees towards big and accurate hitting — the one great factor in polo. With fast ponies and big hitting against them, I've seen brilliant combinations demoralised. Combination is the next great factor, but I'm afraid the Adelines will never learn it. As you've been paying No. 2 with them, learn to stick to your place and to your man. Practice shots at goal from every point on the ground, for a No. 2 should be a dead

shot. Learn to ride like the devil : a slow rider is no bally use at No. 2. In attack be the fiercest man on your side and the most pugnacious ; vi defence always keep between the opposing No. 3 and your own goal, then you will have the whip-hand of him every time. Never funk a ride-off; much rather court one. AH the time a man is riding off he is neglecting the ball. I could talk to you for ever on the game, but we will tTy and get the strokes, the goal-shooting, and the pace right first, then I will show you other points." Joskins was profuse in his thanks, and sought every opportunity to practise with Captain Leighman. 4iter a month or so tlie ambitious little man began to show some fast and correct form, and he became a very devil among the Adelines, whom he sometimes frightened into fits by the solid pace at which he came at them. He became their star player, and this made him very cocky. He began to patronise the playing members, and was a regular don with the ladies who came to afternoon tea. Especially with a fluffy-haired, brown-eyed damsel, who was very chic and fascinating. Miss Brompton Groves, as this young lady was named, was the eldest daughter of a London merchant who had been knighted for services to the Empire! Exactly what the services were nobody seemed to know very accurately. But Mr Biompton Groves had supplied her Imperial Majesty's anry with cholera belts and chest protectois during the South African war, at an enormous loss, it was stated. Therefore he was knighted for his patriotism. By a singular coincidence he was enabled to retire from business shortly after the waT and to settle down in the country as a man of independent means. But though he was a generous futher to his daughters, • they never took him into society with them, for pa was impossible. His manners and language lacked French polish ! Therefore Miss Brompton Groves always appeared in public with a chaperone, who allowed the young lady a great deal of liberty. She utilised this liberty on the polo ground by carrying on a most desperate flirtation with little Joskins ! Joskins was in ecstasies! He looked upon himself as a veritable lady-killer, and had strong ideas of adopting Narcissus as one of h : s Christian names. Captain Leighman cautiously advised him, endeavouring to avoid hurting his feelings. But Joskins had an adamantine hide, ard he saw no sarcasms in the captain's remarks. 'That fluffy Brompton Groves butterfly is an awful sell," remarked Captain Leighman at dinner one evening, casually. "She has made fools of a good many fellows in her time. She's a ' have.' to speak vulgarly. Mind you don't fall in, Joskins ! A woman hunt and a steeplechase are twin sisters ; you may find your Gatwick experience repeated with ' little yellow wool! And as for the name ' Narcissus, 'take Punch* advice to those ; about to marry, and don't ! It sounds too much like scented soap, and toap away from the washstand and stables is beastly !" . I Joskins chuckled — the chuckle of the prematurely vain and the ass. j "She won't fool me! I've made my marble good with her, ard " "Stop !" said the captain, in a tone that rather startled Joskins, "l have no ' desire to hear of any of your gallantries. ' Ke-ep your heroic deeds to yourself, and lemeirber tlrtt true m?n do not diicus=s their business with women ! Only, recol- j lect that I have cautioned you." It happened that shortly after the above conversation the polo tournament for the Woldshire County Cap came ..up for decieion. The Adeline P.C. in their vain exclusi\ c-npss had entered a team in the competition, and Anthony Augustus Joskins was unanimously selected to play No. 2. Now, indeed, did h's cup of joy overflow, and Joskins paraded before

the polo pavilion at afternoon tea with the puffed-out chest of a pouter p'geon. Miss Brampton Groves eniggeied audibly as she gazed upon his liliputian form, and her asides to her friends were the reverse of complimentary to A. A. J! Later on she sought Joskins, out, and they meandered off to the seclusion of several small bushes on the outskirts of the polo ground. "I say, Jossy !" said the chic younglady, very familiarly, as they sauntered along in an amorous partnership, "do you think you Adeline fellows can beat the Crusaders in the County Cup?" Joskins smiled a supeiior smile, and made answer: "Bet you a diamond ring that we can !" "That's a wager!"' said the fluffy darling, pioducing an ivory betting book, and pencilling in the bet. "You'd better make a note of that, Jossy. If I lose will you make me part?" Joskins gazed adoringly into her eyes and ogled her villainously. "Oh, 'of course !" he smiled ; "all * women pay gambling debts nowadays!" "Do they?" asked Miss Fluffy. "Well, I've taken a fancy to the Crusaders' chance. If it wasn't for your play, I would back the Crusaders to beat you pointless." "I'll take all sorts of good care that they don't do that !" said Jcskins proudly. "Would you like to bet me a new dress about it?" asked the chic young lady. "If you wish it, yes,"' replied Joskins with a.n amorous squeeze of her arm. "Very well: one of Paquin's best costumes they beat you pointless. Please make a note of it," said Miss Brampton Gioves; "I'm very particular about booking my bets." And so the game went on. When they returned to the pavil : on Joskins had booked the following wagers to Miss Brampton Groves : — Diamond ring, 50 guineas ; Paquin costume, 100 guineas ; chain cable braclet, 50 guineas. He kept the question of the wagers very quiet, but he was much disturbed to heai one of the Crusaders remark as they all rode out to contest the game on the day of the tournament : " I say, Crusaders, Fluffy Groves stands to win a diamond ring, chain cable bracelet, and Paquin costume if we beat these bounders pointless. Let's have a try for little Fluffy's sake!" And the other three Crusaders" replied with a cheery "Aye ! aye !" The result of the game might have been different had little Joskins played the ferocious game at No. 2 that lie usually played. But the Crusaders' No. 3 early in the game sent Joskins and his pony flying for yards with a vigorous ride-off that called forth a caution from the referee. Joskins turned three distinct somersaults, and settled on the green 6ward in a position of prayer, while his pony, after emulating the pilgrims who journey to Mecca on their stomachs for quite 20 yards, rose and galloped about the polo ground with a. look of pained surprise on his face. After that Joskins could not help looking over his shoulder for the obnoxious No. 3 of the Crusaders, who charged him on every available opportunity. This spoiled his game, and the Crusaders scored goal after goal with machine-like persistence. Once, in the middle of the last chukker, Joskins got on the ball and rod at it hard, but just as he was swinging his stick to strike, his pony's hindquarters were hurled round by a terrific charge, and Joskins plugged the ball, accidentally, in the wrong direction, bang through his own goal. The ser.ssation was tremendous, the cheers (and jeers) deafening. The Crusaders won by 16 goals to nothing! To Joskins's undisguised chagrin. Miss Brampton Groves made a hero of the Crus.wiers' No.' 3, and never left his side the whole of that afternoon. Later on her engagement to the same gentleman was announced. "Puppies are blind and kittens are deaf for days after their birth !" remarked Captain Leighman sagaciously when discussing that memorable defeat with Joskins. "I warned you about that fluffyi young lady, but you would persist in providing her with a part of her trousseau. Ah, well, let's hope that you will some day learn sense when you find Another Idol Shattered!"