A Little Lesson in Self-defence.

Otago Witness, Issue 2808, 8 January 1908, Page 91

A Little Lesson in Self-defence.

—Mr Baggs Teaches His Wife To Box. — \ One evening Mr Baggs brought home a mysterious-looking bundle, which he deposited carefully on the sideboard, leaving it unopened while he attacked his supper. "What have you got in that bundle?" inquired his wife, when no longer able to restrain her curiosity.

"That, Sarah, is an outfit for practice in the noble art of self-defence. The oldest and most scientific of all forms of exercise. I've been taking a few lessons down town, in both boxing and 'Jew Jitsew,' and I propose io give you some instructions. Every woman ought to be able to take care of herself under all circumstances ; she ought to be trained in these things. No knowing when she may have to defend herself against a burglar! I don't propose to neglect your case any longer. I will instruct you, so that you will be able to defend yourself when I am not here to protect you I" Here Mr Baggs tried to expand his chest, but only succeeded in making his waistband region more prominent.

Accordingly, after supper was over, Mrs Baggs, in gymnasium costume, came into the sitting room, where her husband had a 6et of boxing gloves displayed on the centre table.

"Oh, what funny mittens 1"^ she cried. "Mittens!" snorted the irascible Mr Baggs, who is very short, very fat, and very peppery in disposition. "Those are not mitten 6; neither are they ear muffs nor chest protectors. Those are boxing-gloves, as anyone with a grain of common sense might see. They are padded so they won't hurt." By this time Mrs Baggs had drawn on one of the gloves, and as her unsuspecting husband approached the table she gave him a violent punch, on the nose. "What in thunder do you mean?" he roared, jumping back and glaring at her savagely, while he tenderly rubbed his smitten feature, looking at his fingers in the expectation of finding blood upon them. "Do you take my head for a punchingbag? What'd ye hit me like that for?" "I was just trying the thing," she explained sweetly. "You said that they were padded so that they wouldn't hurt. "Hurt." he roared. "Oh, no. they won't hurt ! A little tap on the nose like a mule's kick doesn't hurt! It just tickles — that's all!" He continued to glare savagely as he out on his gloves. "Now, then, I'm ready," he said; "out up your hands — so. Now, come on. Hit me. Hit me hard, wherever you can. I'll show \ou that I am able to guard myself when T am not taken by surprise !" He jumped about in an elephantinefashion, shaking his head, and dabbino- at her with his fists. Mrs Baggs, who ie a compactly-built and! active woman of 1451b weight let drive with all her might, striking low. "Oomp !" ejaculated Mr Baggs, as he stopped the blow with his abdomen. Then he jumped back and glared^ in speechless rage while his wife, unconscious of having: committed a foul, teetered gaily around him on her tip-toes, watching for another chance to land another thump. "Oh I" he howled, when Jie caught his breath. "Don't you know better than that? That's a foul !"

"What's a foul?" she asked innocently

"Hitting a person below the be T t, if you want it so that you can understand, it," Tie roared. "Keep your hands up and strike at my head or my chest, and strike as hard as you please ! I»ike— that," and he let go at her head with a vengreful swiner. She ducked under his arm, and he knocked a £3 vase off a stand, smashing it into fragments.

"Now see what you've done!" he roared, nearly beside himself. "Why can't you stancF tin and take your punishment like a man? What'd you dodge for? Come out

of that corner t Come out in the middle of the room I" and he led the way. "Now," he said, in a calmer voice, "let me show you what I started to, before you got so fresh. Now, you just run at me as if you were going to catch hold of me, and I will show you exactly how to do it." Mrs Baggs sprang forward with outstretched arms, and received a thump on the nose which made her eyes water. ' "Ho, ho, ho!" cried her husband, jumping round in glee, "see how it's done? Ha, ha, ha! Now, we'll change about. I'll come at you, and you stop me if you can!" Mrs Baggs watched him with a wicked gleam in her eye. With fell purpose Mr Baggs charged toward his wife, intending 1 to surprise her with a hard counter blow; but his plans miscarried, for instead of receiving his rush according to instruction, she lowered her head until only the top of it was visible, and came at him^ striking wildly and rapidly. He backed away, trying to ward off her rapid swings, roaririg wifcn rage, and' endeavouring in vain to expostulate.

"Hold on !" he howled, as she rushed him about the room-. '"That's no way to box ! Wait ! Gimme a chance ! Why, you — bwab I" this last as her glove struck him. in the mouth ; and just here his foot caught in a rug, and he went backwards with a prodigious crash, while his wife, tripping also, plunged forward, alighting with both knees upon his solar plexus. "Never mind, dear," she said half an hour later as she bathed the lump.pn his head with camphor and dabbed arnica- on his damaged features, and' applied the hotwater bag to his solar plexus, "I don't need to learn to box anyway 6O long as I have you to protect me."