PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2803, 4 December 1907, Page 5

PASSING NOTES.

(From Saturday's Daily Times.) The advantages of being something that we are not are usually provokingly apparent. Thus when I heard my fellow strap-hanger in the tram assert with some vehemence his conviction that " it's a better game to be a blooming tourist than, a colonist in this country " I found myself quite in agreement with his sentiment. - Fuller perusal of . that morning's paper threw additional light on the new suggestion — light filtering through the decorous details of the Supplementary Estimates. (By the way, it always seems to me that Supplementary Estimates are to- Governments what " petty cash ' i& to individuals — namely, an optimistic record of how we. meant to spend certain indicated sums.). These- same Estimates, however, make it apparent that the tourist is like to be indeed " the hub of the earth " in. the Dominion. We are going to lay ourselves out on him, cherish him comprehensively and lavishly in the most practical way the world know£—^through our pocket*. Thus the-, needs of th« Tourist Department — with which is artfully bracketed "Industries" — are set down at the neat little sum of £22,184, which, with another item lower down of "Tourist and Health Resorts," totals up to a modest £30,195. Fairly good this, and I begin to fancy that as I can scarcely be a "blooming tourist" the next best thing might be to become a tourist departmenter! To the mere citizen there is something very allurine in contemplating Government finance. Once wade fairly in among these collective thousands and the ordinary standard of money value is pleasantly obscured in a sense of vicarious wealth. My respect for that mysterious department known as "Roads and Bridges" increases with the knowledge tnat it is set down on the S.E. for a little "bon bouche" of £39,212. Incidentally I wonder if any rise in " screw " goes to the excellent gentlemen who conduct this department in leisured seclusion from the hustle of trade and barter, or to their humbler confreres who in outlying districts nly a rythmic pick-and-shovel or eedatelv wheel the familiar blue Government wheelbarrow?

It is when I contrast the noble figures pertaining to the Tourist Department with the paltry sums of £775 against the Department of Agriculture, £500 for the development of goldfields. and £3216 for the Mines Department that I want to know, in common with two argumentative and rather red-nosed individuals at the Rattray street corner, " Does this country b'long to us or to the towviist? " To suggest one jamiW? note after all the harmony — I had almost said " convivial harmony " — of the closing hours of the 1907 session, however, seems ungracious. How agreeably opposing parties cast aside the Tough outer husk of political amenities and devoted themselves to parting compliments ! What a genial atmosphere diffused itself throughout the House, and enveloped Lords and Commons and " bookies " alike. The Prime Minister pays a tribute to the Attorney-general, who in accepted press phraseology " suitably responds," modestly intimating his desire to await the " test of time" as to the value of those 114 bills which, according to another hon. gentleman, "were of 6O comprehensive a charactor that they lent a distinction to it which attached to no other session." It is admitted by one genial speaker that there was a little "hastiness of legislation at the end of the session," and when the obvious (?) moral is reached that members' honoraria — and incidentally the session— mu6t be enlarged to prevent such haste in future there is perfect harmony m the chorus of " and so say all of us ! " A grand total of 114 bills put through in 'twenty weeks — that i&, not f." short of a rate of six per week — is no doubt a record : it is small wonder that the House "was in no condition to legislate," and the- "bookie&" saved their stakes by one

vot« at 3.30 in the morning. It is in the post-parliamentary courtesies that some of the misapprehensions of the simple among us are removed. In spite of many appearances to the contrary we now know that in all the heroic figbts, deadly aspersions, and virtuous denunciations of the session there has never been "one particle of illfeeling." The curtain rings down on the mimic fights, the newspapers are left minus the staple topic of the last five months, and the season of the gigantic gooseberry and the sea serpent sets in.

It seems to me that the Middlemarchers have, to use a slang phrase, "fallen in" badly. It was comparatively easy to bluff the inquirers re the proposed sanatorium for consumptives, but the Salvation Army is a tough organisation— ror it' would not rank as it does in the social machinery of the world. Any way, until the question of "boys or inebriates" is finally decided, I offer either, or both, my friendly condolence. Fancy " suffering & recovery " amid the fogs of Middlemarch, cheered by the genial sympathy of the Middlemarchers! Fancy the "habitual," ,like Betsy Harris, somewhat "low in his sperrit6," working out his salvation here, where we have the word of the disinterested inhabitant that the -sun does not shine for weeks together.! Even surrounded by the luxurious accessories of the u±llies mansion — bathrooms,- ' lawn 6, gardens, and "young orchards,"— l fancy these strayed resellers will find a chastening as well as an improving time ahead of them — which is, of course; all as it should be. At anyrate, I don't think there should be much trouble in enforcing the '* all home by 9 o'clock " part of the discipline. The dauntless optimism of the Salvationist has - always commanded my sincere admiration: in view of this latest departure I am ready with a double portion, for I find his belief in himself and in others simply immense. Contrast the cheerful programme of strawberry-culture, fruit-growing, etc., etc., with the gloomy pictures drawn some months since by the local inhabitants of their sunless, foghaunted district, where the ploughman couldn't see his horses and the horses couldn't draw their breath ! There must be a considerable play of fancy somewhere. As to the prospects of that extremely disturbing element unctuously referred to by the Rev. Chadband as "a glorious human boy," should he, rather than the "habitual," become the chosen vessel to be operated on at the Gillies horne — well, I hope there will be a'good,deal of band and tambourine, and nice-looking lasses to cheer the little beggars, along the sunless path of virtue.

To guard against the said path of virtue being unduly hard either in the case of small boy or inebriate, I note that " the work will be on the light side," which brings" me to the topic of child slavery in the dairying industry and the crusade of the Chief Justice. Everything asserted on one side has, of course, been denied by the other aide. That is only natural and to be expected. Nevertheless, while this merely emphasises the perfectly honest difference of "the point of view," the public discussion of the matter and the focussing of public opinion on the question of. child labour cannot. fail to .Be of benefit. Meantime does not this species of "technical education" irresistibly recallDickens'e graphic picture of the able Squeers and the technical education of Dotheboys Hall? " This is the first clans in English spelling and philosophy, Nickleby," said Squeers. ..." Now then, where's the first boy?" "Please, sir, he's oleaning the . back parlour window." said the temporary head of the philosophical class. "So he is, to be sure," rejoined Squeerg. "We' go upon the practical mode of teaching, Nickleby — the regular; education system. C-1-e-a-n, clean, verb active, to make bright, to scour. Wji-n-, win, d-e-r. der, winder, a casement. When the boy knows this out of book, he goes and does it. li'a just the same principal a* the uee of the globes. Where's the second boy?" " Please, sir, 'he's weeding the garden," replied a small voice. "To be sure," said Squeers. by no moans disconcerted. "So he is. B-o-t, Lot, t-i-n, tin, bottin, n-e-y, Hey", bottiney, noun substantive, a knowledge of plants. When he has learned that bottinney means a knowledge of plants, he goes and knows '«tn. That's out system, Nickleby. "Third boy, what's a horse?" "A baast, sir," replied the boy. "So it is," said Squeers; " ain't • it, Nickleby?" " I believe there is no douut of that, Bir," »aid Nicholas. "Of course there isn't" said Squeers. " A horse is a quadruped, and quadruood's Latin for beast, as everybody that's gone through the grammar knows, or where's the use of having grammars at all? As you're perfect in that," he resumed, turning to the boy, "go and look after my horse, and rub him down well, or I'll rub you down. The rest of the class go and draw water up, till somebody tells you to stop: for it's washing day "to-morrow, and they want the copper filled."

A slow shower of limericks drops intermittently upon me. They are not remarkable for brilliancy — in fact, I beUeve I could do almost as well myself. The merit of most of them lies presumably in the fact that they are in praise of Civis. To a man of my modesty this naturally renders the position one which only the waste-paper basket can satisfactorily solve. Of the remainder, one us dedicated to a gentleman of conspicuous talent who already suspects me of a smile at his expense and is on the lookout for more ; the other is reminiscent of Ben Tillett, and runs thus: Ben T. is a man who loves working men well, (But consigns all the clergy and " bosses " to H 1) Loves the masses en masse, While he travels firbt-class. Like Carnegie, or any great millionaire swell. The last, sent to me as "©elected,'" shows rare judgment in the 6e!ect'lcn : it is distinctly good i i

SaiS » famous American preacher To a hen: " You're a beautiful crechure I" The hen, upon th»t, laid an egg in his hak, And thus did the hen reward Beecher. After this I'd like to make plain tbat I have no more use for limericks. Th« fact is they have not "caught on" in Otago. The reason is not far to seek — there's no jnonSy in them. The restless importunate World outside our small islands Jias grasped at the possibilities of the limerick, in conjunction with the competition, as an advertising medium. We are too prosperous to advertise, too selfsatisfied to compete, and thus we escape temptation, and preserve a negative virtue. Which is after all, I suppose, better than no virtue at all. The limerick craze, to be honest, is, as it stands at present, as thorough a medium for gambling as ever was bred by racing or exploited by "bookie." Let the ingenuous preacher in' want of an up-to-date topic draw comparisons between 6ome Biblical instance of cast* ing lots and the- insidjous devil of modern advertisement which sets^ innocent elderly ladies and precocious -children supplying the missing line to a limerick on the chance of a money prize.

Above advertisement and indifferent to limericks, we are," however, usually receptive of a good 6tory, and the following . samples of .Yorkshire wit and humour seem to me to come under that category : — It was » worthy alderman who, wh«n' the City Council had deliberated for acme time upon the advisability or otherwise* of placing a fleet of gondola* upon a large' lake under municipal control, set the chamber in a roar with the observation : • - " Well, gentlemen, there's been a lot o' talk abaht putting ten or twelve o' these 'ere gondolas on t' lake; but we've t' rates to- consider. "We mun econermise! We've had a lot o' thes« fancy experiments afore, an' they've cost a sect o' brass, an' what Ah say is this: If we hey to 'hey these gondola* on t' lake, what's V use o' getting a lot for * start? What we want to do is to get » pair on 'em, an' let 'em breed!" In the Council Chamber of another West Riding town the question under discussion related to the purchase of a new chandelier, when one far-sighted member abruptly burst up all serious consideration of the subject with the grave m"Yea, Mr Chairman, and if we get a chandelier in this room, what I want to Tmow before we discus* it any further is, Who's going to play it?"

The -weekly meeting of the Benevolent Trustees was.held on the 26th ult. A letter from the Cify Council acknowledging receipt of £500 Tr^m-the trustees for investment was received. Intemperance at the institution was reported to be on the. increase. Mr Gallaway stated that some of the inmates when out on leave met people who treated them to liquor under a mistaken idea of kindness. Bottles weresometimes taken back by inmates. This was not conducive to . discipline, and -he thought that iA the' event of habitual drunkards being admitted, it should only, be on condition that they took out a prohibition order against themselves. He did not blame the old people who went out and got drunk, but he did bleme thoe« who. treated or served them. Far from being' an act of kindness, it was .gross cruelty. It was decided to inquire further into the. matter. The formulated case on which the Charitable Aid Board is to sue the trustees to ascertain which body. i« really entitled to distribute relief was laid on the table". Accounts amounting to £104 3s 4d were paesed for payment, and 23 jases of relief were dealt with. Further papers relating to the ocean mail services were presented to Parliament on Friday. Writing on July 1 last to the Union Steam Ship Company, the secretary of the G.P.O. stated that tha Postmaster-general was prepared to consider payment of a subsidy of £10,000 per annum without gratuities for a weekly Friday steamer from Wellington to Sydnej\ Replying on July 6, Mr Holdsworth, general manager of the company, referred to the "arduous" and "expensive " nature of the service. He stated* tbat his company and the Huddart-Parker. Company would be prepared to give the. service for the £10,000 subsidy plus tha ordinary gratuities for mails carried at, present rates. Subsequently at an interview the Postmaster-general offered £" 5,000 per annum -without gratuities, and this the companies concerned accepted, though, it is understood that there is to be na penalty in case of failure to connect. A Press Association telegram from Auck* land states that the New Zealand Herald understands that Thomas Hall, who in 1886 was convicted at Timaru on a charge of attempting to murder his wife, and who was 6entenced to penal servitude for life, will be liberated from Mount Edej» Gaol in the course of a few days. Mr S. E. M'Carthy, S.M., has given judgment in an interesting municipal bylaw case heard at Winton. A resident was charged with having erected a building within the borough without having obtained the approval of the council/ Defendant had been notified of the breach of the bj'-law, and informed that tW offence would bo treated as a continuing one. At the hearing a number of technical objections were taken to the by-law, but 'the magistrate ruled that the question w*t one of procedure and not of principle, and the balance of convenience seemed- to be in the direction of dealing with a continuing ofFence in co far ac the matters given in evidence at the hearing were concerned. Defendant was convicted and fined 3d for each one of 96 days during which the offence had continued, and wat ako ordered to pay informant's cost, £2 9*.