EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2734, 8 August 1906, Page 77

EDITOR'S WALLET.

THAT HAM !

3t Tomahawk.

(For tho Witness)

Last Christmas I was staying at a boarding hou«e in Sydney, a-nd on. the Friday before the anniversary of the birth of our Lord, my heart, and the hearts of my fel-low-lodgers, was gladdened at the vision of a beautiful fresh ham — that is, as fresh as smoked hams usually »re.

We had not had ham for a long time, and when I first viewed tho specimen, I had grave fears 5.3 to its successfully withstaodmj* t.he onslaught of ua boarders and the rather large family of mine host — or, rather, hostess. Alas 1 for human expectations I It was an ordinary sized hamjust the ordinary top of one of the hind .egs of an ordinary-sized jig. According to report- that ham peaceally reposed" aH day Saturday in. a large pot* of water, which was gently simmering over a little gas ring. Aa the evening wore on and the night set "m, .our much-respected hostess betook herself to Blanket Bay,, there to rest and prepare hersel£_i<>-. the many toils and cares of the Coming day. She Had not oeen gone long before she reappeared to remind her daughter, who, I believe, was left in sole charge of onr precious ham, to " lock the front door when you go to bed, .Tees." Jess impatiently expressed her willingness to "comply with the demand," do they say, and once more buried her nos© in "Jerry d'Axey, the Kunaway Nobleman," an exerting; novel; in two *arts, had aroused her interest. Mrs Hash once more retired to. the seclueion of feer sleeping apartment, and Jet» was ju3t getting to the most exciting part of tt c book — the chapter in which the villain abducts the heroine, who, however, manages to drop a note out of th© carriage window to her lover— when back ca*no the landlady, this time with orders not to "forgc-t to take the ham off the gaa wh<>u you go to bed." Jess — we all '.ailed her "Joss," never Mias Hash — was by this t.me so interested in her bok that 'In* did not hear— or at least did not heed — tin* last admonition, out went on -reading about tho '•onsation which the abduction of Coralie Lambeth created in society circles.

After pursuing the romance for some time, Jess at length, and with many sighs, found an uninteresting place in the fascinating volume, and so, by dint of much exertion, managed to tear herself away from it long enough to be sure the front door was locked, and to attend to several other little things, never for a moment thinking of our Dam, and then went to her room, and, in an incredibly short space of time, was in bed, whence she had taken her highly interesting specimen of tho writer's, printer's, and publishor'3 art. Far into the night she read, and when at length she heard in,, imagination the sound of wedding bells, and perceived in imagination the sight of orange blossom, she found that bhe «molt in reality the smell of burning. With a startled exclamation, she safe up in bed, and took another sniff. _ Yea, - it was the srm-11 of burning! Getting out of bed, bhe ruehed to the landing, and raided her voice to a. loud cry: "Fire, fire 1 Help ! oh, help I' she shrieked, and then collapsed, a nerveless and helpleeg figure, on the landing. When thia dread and awful cry ascended the stairs at an unearthly hour of early morning, I jumped out of bed, hurriedly pulled on some clothe 3. an<l, together with some of th« other boarders, whom I found in a little knot at the top of the stairs, tore down the ancient, creaky stepe, six at a time*

to the village, followed "by his irate spouse, who, in passing, borrowed a stump from the vriokef to continue the game with Bill when she caught him The bachelors won.

< nol! " Glad to meet you, old chap," he said, as he linked his arm with a. friend whom he had met in the street "Just lend me a sovereign for to-day." " Would be delighted," the friend rejoined, "but I have not got it; see!" He opened his purse — its whole contents was a half-sovereign. " Must do, I suppose, for the present," said the prince of borrowers, as he picked the coin out daintily with thumb and forefinger. "Ta, ta; take care of yourself," and walked a-way. But he returned hastily. " Mind, don't forget you owe me a halfsovereign."

'I owe you 1" gasped the automatic lender.

" Of" course. I meant to borrow a sovereign from you — I only got a half. You owe me the other half. See? There's no hurry, of course, but I like punctuality. Name your own day and pay up punctually."