DUNEDIN CLUB NOTES AND CRITICISMS.

Otago Witness, Issue 2686, 6 September 1905, Page 81

DUNEDIN CLUB NOTES AND CRITICISMS.

" One man may speak the universal mind."

— Last "Jocular Evening" proved itself to be one of the most successful of its kind, quite a number of contributors bringing inert-/ smiles to each face Our absent comrade, Black "Watch, also remembsred ui3 with .i letter, and no one in the club but eagerly listened for the" news of his well-being. A letter from him is like the handclasp cf a bcl-oved. friend. What better compliment to Black Watch can I pay? SOLOMON ON OUR CLUB. (For Copyright apply Quago.) The ways of the" clubbites are like unto the ways of a woman. Yea, verily, they pass all understanding. The members thereof come from near and from afar off even unto the building which is known unto all tha people of Dunedin as the Times Office. And behold, when they coma near unto the place tihey meet another body of members, and they cry to each other with a loud voice, "Verily, art thou going even unto the club?" And they will answer as one man, "Yea, D.L.F., we are." And k>! when they enter the room which 33 well known unto each one of them they salute one another and ,ask the time of day. But hark! A voice soundeth through the room; they all take their places, even iiheir seats, and a solemn hush goeth through the assembly. 1 J> -'The secretary of the club ,taketh up her-* minute book and reaideth out the minutes of the club. , '. Then'cometh the -debate'. The wise elubbite sayeth, "Verily, I will take a side" ; but the foolish clubbite sayeth in his -heart, "I will take no side, ■* lest they laugh at ray arguments.," and he forthwith maketh up his mind' to open not his mouth. But the wise clubbitoiiseth, and forth cometh his arguments like unto slaves. at their master's call, and hs hath the extreme satisfaction in the knowledge that he profiteth both himself and others. And he sayeth to the leader of th^ojiposate side: "Behold, thou who leadest the opposition, canst thou bring forth such weighty arguments even as I have done? Verily, if thou canst not, then shall thy side fall even as Goliath before the sling of David." • Their followers \do then show forth their valour, and even as the hail descendeth from the sky their arguments fall from their lips. And he who h&th brought forward the weightiest reasons -is declared by the judges — of which there are three-^-to be the winner, and -j-eceiveth the laurel crown in the minutes of the club. Then the meeting breaketh up, and each one wendeth his way homeward, resolving in his heart to be % present at the club the next Tuesday evening. Verily, better is it to exercise the intellect and attend the meetings than to sit idly at home and do no good to thy fellow men. JOCULAR EVENING. Here aTe a few Sam Welkarisms compiled on last Jocular Evening; — "I have brought as a contribution towards our enjoyment this evening: "One or two sihort stories, ' T. D. A. said, as she unearthed her inseparable book chock full of Irish yarns. "My&elf, ' Awkward Ned said, as he stood up and declared himself to be a standing joke. "Some little jokes," Go Hon said, as h a . fished to the bottom of his pocket for some cuttings from Tit-Bits. "Some extracts from "various sources," Harry observed, as he laid his burden of two "cuttings" books reverently on the table. "An original joke," Scobie observed, as he shot a mirthful glance at our ex-V.-P.. "Some — ahe-ru! — spicy little comics," D. Y. K. said, as he unfolded a page of TitBits and hunted about in the -uncertain light for the cutting 3he had marked. ON DIT: — — That our original member was quite jealous when Aroha sang: " We'll all get blind drunk When Johnny comes marching home," ' and was so overcome that he instantly stood up and attempted to make a duet of it. — That Brother Bill and Fred signed, sealed, and delivered the bond of partnership last Friday week. Hooray! — Thus a particular member, somewhat short ot any "original" jokes, suggested bringing m some of T. I. C.'s first bon-mots, including the Dunedin Gaol and Goal pun. Very thoughtful, eh, L.F.? — That according to the old adage "the seventh child of a seventh child turns out to be a perfect wonder," but three of our mtmbers will beware of taking from the tray the seventh cup of tsa, in which may have been infused a distinctly saline flavouring. In happy moments day by day! — That in his little joke Go Hon said : "The insuiance agent rumbled to the bottom, of his pocket and prcduced the maternity tables." Go Hon, didn't you mean "mortality tables" ? — That the wac cry, under the leadership of ! Scobio, can make the welkin ring, and it gave a certain festive gathering last week a distinctly martial tone. — That a certain member, whom we do not need to name, thought it was very good of a j few members to bring such good jokes and to j aim them particularly at him. Don't some j get the cap to fit easily ! j — That Awkward Ned does not believe in fortune-telling by cards, especially when so many enemies and false friends turn uppermost in his cards. He prefers palmistry. — That Go Hon would like lo know who, on Jocular Evening, adorned his back with a small pin attached to a piece of paper. Was that an extra contribution, oh! ye of the beaming smile? , — That Captain Cook sketched a very good

• portrait of me on the window in the early part of the evening. Do you think I am as fine as that, Captain of the s.s. Dryland? Kindly reply first opportunity in the page, as ■ you have kept silent lately, j — That Go Hon is having quite a volume ' of honour? thrust urion him in the shape of ' Quago, T. I. C, Chatters, T. C. 1., etc. Please accept my warmest sympathy, clubniate. — That a number of L.F. would like to know what the tremendous joke was that tickled the fancy of Captain Cook, "Vance, Go Hon, King Dick, and Co. in Harry's picture gallery on Jocular Evening. If any of the said members could explain it would greatly relieve the tension. — That Scobie's latest enthusiasm is "books." Er—volumes said! — That Aroha's suggested L.F. sports programme /the 'gem of the evening) was so excruciatingly funny that a few members were glad to get a "cooler" by opening the window. — That Harry's forte in the suggested sports programme, according to Ned, would be "looping Van jpop for bicycles." Have you seen him at fitat, Ned? — That the fourth prize in the obstacle raca (blindfold) over nine wire fences, t'hreo creeks, and two gum trees wa,3 a "smoke out of the secretary's pipe." Eh, what? "I'll take that whiff now, if you don't mind," a member observed. — That Awkward Ned, on Jocular Evening, wanted to know about the "race for young women under and over 40,", how it would affect the fair members of the club? All starters, Ned, I'll warrant. QUAGO. , , •