EDITOR'S WALLET. FAITH THAT DID NOT MOVE MOUNTAINS. So It Might.

Otago Witness, Issue 2671, 24 May 1905, Page 77

EDITOR'S WALLET.

FAITH THAT DID NOT MOVE MOUNTAINS.

So It Might.

JBy P. A. iLillecrapp, Omafcau.) (For the Witness.) £gisfc week while on a visit to Queenstown the writer saw a well-developed Maori Kitting on "a stump and unconcernedly ■watching his hat being; carried away by a whirlwind. Asked why he made no attempt fco recover his property, he replied: r< What you take me for? Think I'm a bloomin' New Zealander? No fear ! I'm. a tourist. The wimi only pull my legi The time I make it the run to get my hat he blow somewhere else. No, I stop here, and by-and-bye might he blow back again when he see he can't fool me." I saw the Maori two hours later sitting i&n i^ho same stump, minus a hat, but etill trusting. . Surely he had faith as a gram of mustard Apropos the grain of mustard seed : Some *ime ago a Maori whom the writer knew in Taranaki, and who had been saved from tha error of his way through the ministrations of the Salvation Army, was employed ,with a pick-axe in a gravel pit on a hillside picking down shingle to be used as road metal. After working for about an hour he threw 'down 'the- pick, and appeared to be casting about, for some means of wriggling out of the work,- or getting somebody else to do it for him. At that stage the teaching of ■the Salvation Army stood him in good Stead. When asked, "You finish for to-day, Munga?" he replied, "No, by-and-bye I finish. No good too much work. Yesterday the captain say, 'The time we have faith like a mustard pot we move mountains.' No. good move the mountain. I think , I just pray that earthquake come along and shake -the shingle down for me. 9 ' Knew the Symptoms. They were two girls friends, and they met quite by chance in a milliner's shop. ; "I am getting my wedding things," said the first girl, and then she paused to blush. The second girl gasped her and | then, after a gush of congratulation, began j to ask the usual questions. "How did he propose?" was one of the firs*. "Propose? Oh, but he hasn't done it yet!" "But I thought you were getting your trousseau 1" . J "So I am. But, you see, it is like this, i He .will call at 8 this evening, and then j no- doubt he will declare himself, and we shall be formally engaged." "But how do you know?" asked the other girl, sceptically. ■ ! ■ "Simply by observation. When a man asks " you in an ' anxious i tone if you think a married man ought to give up his club, j and when 'he follows it up a few days later i by asking you if you don't think a man has , a right to smotke all' over his own house, it" is high time- to decide when the wedding •hall.be." ~ ' "Well, I never!" - " Yes ; but that wasn't what convinced me." "No?" "No, it was simply fhis: I met him in tha street yesterday, and he was reading a, paper so intently that he didn't even see an» until I spoke. Then he blushed violently and thrust his- paper into his overcoat pocket. Well, lie escorted me home asid came into the house for a few minutes." "Yes, and what then?" "Well, I was so curious to see what he had been reading that -confused him that I made an excuse to slip out into the hall where his coat was hanging, and! took the paper out of his pocket, and what do you think it was?" " Oh, N I can't imagine." "It was a household paper, and the article that he had been reading was one which' proved conclusively that two people could Uve a good deal more cheaply than one. Now do you see why I am commencing to select my trousseau? " she asked, triumphantly. "Yes, I think I do," said the other girl, in a tone of blended envy and admirationv Ifever Tried Tt Again. "Madam," said a husband to his young *rife in a little altercation which will spring tip In the best-regulated families, "when a man and his wife have quarrelled, and each considers the other , at fault, which of the two ought to advance towards a reconciliation? " " The best-natured and the wiser of the twr>," said the trife, putting up her mouth for a kiss, which was given with &n imction. She was the oonqucrer. A newly-married lass in the country thought how delightful it would be to stop her " Billy's " mouth in the same way when ho became a little querulous, of which little failing our Billy was thought occasionally guilty. On one occasion, after milking the cowb, Sfcnd performing sundry other little duties — eating a couple of onions — she drew her stool to her husband' 6 feet, and commenced her knitting. Billy had been working in the field ; things had gone wrong, and^ in no pleasant humour, he had thrown himBelf in a rocking-chair to sleep and dream away his troubles. Every now and then, in a wafeeful moment, he would mutter, "Them darned pigs rooted up the beets; oan't keep the cows out of the cornfield " ; "the roan mare lost her shoe— always heavin' her shoes"; ."that last thunder turned all the milk— all Sue's fault; wouldn 2 t take my advice; never does nothing right"; ""always the way, spending her time-making dresses, etc." She could stand these sleep reproaches no longer, so, pouting her pretty lips with an arch smile, she leaned towards him, and called out: "Why, Billy.! aren't you ashamed of yourself? " Bill, starting up, upset poor Sue "upon the floor, and bawled out* "There, Sue, somebody's gone and UpSet that . ere darned swill barrel ! " The onions had done their work. Sue never tried the same remedy again. Two Cowards. A TTuion captain relates this story of tt, IKttmg negro named Jaok. who wad e»-

"No?"

trusted with the captain's canteen and haversack at the battle of Fredericksburg. He professed to be very courageous, but the moment the shells began to fall he disappeared, and carried the captain's accoutrements with him. The third day after the return of the regiment to camp the .captain sa»y the little scamp approaching — the most woe-begone looking contraband imaginable. His clothes were tattered a-id muddy, his corkless canteen hung spout downward, and his empty haversack was wrong side out. There he stood, the tears trickling down his oheeks, so pitiable a sight that my own eyes moistened; and yet so extremely ludicrous that it seemed impossible to refrain from laughing. However I got the mastery of both face and feelings, and said to him in what was meant for a tone of severity, "You worthless, cowardly, little vagabond, what are you doing here, after running away with my fcod? Quick! if you have any | excuse, out with it ! " " Yes, sah ! yes, sah I " said he. " I'se got a souse ! " " Well, then," I replied, " let's hear it." " Well, sah — well, ssth — I — I — Fee afeaied you'll boot me ! " "Boot you? Why, there's nothing left of you to boot I But, come, let's hear your excuse."

"Well, massa — mass'a. cap'n — I wasn't anymore coward 'an you wah I " and then he boo-hooed Jouder than ever.

That was a flanker JL did not relish ; for in the meantime quite a, crowd had gathered round us, and among the number several officers.

" Well, now, Jack," said I, severely, " you ran away, didn't you, before the fix'st shell had fairly reached the water? " "Y«s, sah." "Well, Jack, did I run away?" " No, sah." cc Why, then, you black rascal, how dare you t«li me, in the presence of all tbesegentlemen, that I am as great a coward as you are? " | *" Well now, massa eap'n, I runn'd away 'cause I didn't dare to stay, and you stayed 'cause you didn't dare runn'd away." No Danger of Flood. It was near the close of the wet year 1903. Jock Greig, famous for his good farming and heretical religious opinions, was one wet day looking over his sodden fields when I he met Dugald Cameron. Dugald was strongly orthodox, and implicity believed the Biblical account of the | six days' creation, Noah's flood, etc. "Man, Dugald, is this no awfu* weather? " was Jock's first greeting. " It's naething but rain, rain, rain." " Very bad weather, Jock, very bad, and it's a quid thing we ha© oor land w-eel drained. There's naething beats quid drainage." "' Quite true, Dugald, quite true ; but it's an awfu' "30b keeping things richt in weather like this." "Man, I wis juist thinking when ye cam' forrit about that Bible story o' the Flood. Ifc says that rain fell for 4-0 days, and the earth wis covered wi' watter; but it has rained a hale twelvemonth and there's no a sign o J tho earth getting covered. I tell you, Dugald, that story maun a' b© nonsense." \ " Haud a wee, Jocfc, haud a wee. In reading Scripture you maun tak'^ into consideration a' the circumstances o* the casean' the knowledge- the folks had o' the laws o' Nature. Auld Noah an' the folks o' his time kent naething aboot drainage, and sao they couldna get the watter aff their grun' sao quickly as we can-. If it werena for that knowledge the Almichty has gi'en to this generation we wid a' hae been drooned lang ejne." — v Petrified. As might be imagined, Charles Mathcws, the actor, was not afraid of a practical joke, and in his correspondence he mentions the following amusing incident. He and his fellow-tcaveller, D'Egville, were living on the shores of Lake Leman, near the Castle of Chillon. "One scorching Tiot morning, on. our first arrival, we had taken one of the lumbering boats belonging to the hotel, and, in spite of the baking sun, had rowed ourselves out to the middle of the lalke to enjoy a swim. I happened to be undressed fust, and, eager for a header, I plunged into the water, with the intention of taking a long dive. * But, oh, ye gods ! I shall never forget it. It was a bath of ice, and I was almost paralysed with the shook. As quickly as I could manage it I was out of the refrigerator again. "'How is it?' asked D'Egville. 'Warm'?' " ' Delicious ! ' said I. ' Milk, positive milk I * while at the same time I was clambering as fast as I oould up the side of the boat. "'What are you coming out for?' said hei "'I want another header,' said I. ( I>et's see who can dive longest.' " 'Very well; here goes! ' and in he went with a. joyous shout. In an instant I saw an arm with a clenched fist at the end of it protruding from the surface of the water, and in a second more a face appeared, red as a lobster. " ' You blackguard,' he gasped. ' I'm petrified t It's pure ice. I'll pay you eff for this.' » " 'My dear fellow,' said I, ' you know all our enjoyments wfire fco be in common, and I didn't feel iustified in robbing you of your share on this occasion-" With a Recoil. He was noted as a practical joker, but a receirb effort proved that jokes sometimes have a rebound. His parents celebrated their golden wedding, and the joker had long intended to spend the day with them. But when the time arrived he found that business unavoidably called him o\it of town, so ho sent a telegram to his father. He thought tha< it was a good time to get off a -joke on the old man, so he merely sent the message : " Is marriage a failure? " He was somevhat taken aback when he got the reply: " Marriage is not, but the results sometimes are." A Little Knowledge. The yokel, kicking hia legs on the stil?, gazed earnestly at the telegraph wires which were humming busily in the wind above his head, and along the road came a benevo-lent-looking man. -"Ha," ba g&icL "sreJtching the wires?

Waiting to see a message go along, I suppose? " The yokel grinned " Ay," he said. For the next 10 minutes the old gentleman tried hard to dispel his ignorance. Now," he said, at last, " you know something about the matter, don't you? And I hope you will spread your knowledge among your mates on the farm." " But I don't work on a farm, sir," said the yokel. "No! Where, then, may I ask?" " Certainly. Me and my mate are telegraph linesmen, and we're testing a. new wire." And then, it was that the benevolent one gasped, and continued on his way thoughtfully.

" Mil!k-ho-o-o!" The cheery cry woke glad echoes in the sunny street, and Chalkins looked as merry and innocent as it is possible for one of his merry trade to doSuddenly his jaw fell, and dismay was plainly depicted on his countenance, for in the distance he saw Tester, the milk inspector, approaching. The memory of a recent 40s_ and costs weighed heavily upon him. What would it be this time? But Chalkins is clever, and in a moment his foot had slipped, and in falling he tipped his churn clean over; and when Tester arrived on the scene the road was a sea of the milk over which it is useless to cry. "Bad job, sir!'* remarked €7halkins miserably. "Yes," remarked Tester grimly; "but it might have been a. good deal worse." The Nuke scored. An English nobleman was once present at a church service when a collection was announced for some charitable object. The plate began to go round, and the Duke carefully put his hand into his pocket and took out a florin, which he laid on the edge of the pew-desk before him ready to be transferred to the plate. Beside him sat a little snob, who, noticing this action, imitated it by ostentatiously laying a sovereign alongside the ducal -florin. This was too much for his Grace, who dipped his hand into his pocket again and) pulled out another florin, whioh he laid by the side of the first. The little snob followed suit by laying another sovereign beside the first. His Grace quickly added a third florin, whioh was capped by a third sovereign on the part of the little snob. Out came a fourth florin to swell the Duke's donation, and then the little snob triumphantly laid three sovereigns at once upon the board. The' Duke, not to be beaten, produced three florins. Just at that moment the jlate arrived. The Ijttle snob took up his handful of sovereigns, ostentatiously rattled them into the plate, and then turned defiantly towards hie rival as if he would say, " I think that takes the shine out of you." The Duke, with a grim smile, put one florin into the plate, and quietly swept the remaining six back into his pocket.