EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2660, 8 March 1905, Page 86

EDITOR'S WALLET.

A FTopeless Host.

"Will you ri^e to the occasion?" Mrs Dimpk-ton regarded her husband with much anxiety m her face. ""If I give this dinner party," she ob«onod, ""I shall m\ite to it Mrs Penrose, whose social approbation I desire. May I ccunt on you to represent the amenities :"

•'You m^e^n,^ said Dimploton. "may you count on me to make a tl orough hypocrite of my-eif, pleasant to a lot of la-di-da nifii, to take up tho right fork at the right lime, to lie when I tell Mrs Penro«e, for instance, that it's the proudest moment of my lite to have her here — and so forth and so on?"

Mrs Dimpkton sighed

"My dear," she said, "you are not a society nun. You were- net cut out tc r one. 'But that's what I moan. Can't jou do it for one evening?" Dimpleton turned. "No, I won't do it for one evening to please Mrs Penroae or anyone else. I'll be myself. I'll act as I always do, and if Mrs Penrose doesn't like it — why, she can do the other thing."

DiiT.pleton felt a growing resentment of Mrs Penrose stealing over hsra.

"I suppose," he continued, "she's the real thing, isn't she? Schooled in the^ proprieties, and the leadei of her set?" "Oh, yes. Why, to be snubbed by her would be awful, "it would be a death-blow. If she comes at all, it will be a great honour."

She buried her face m her hands

"I can't givt> that dinner party," she sighed ; "I wouldn't dare. I know you would say something to offend her." Dimpleton's face grew more kindly. The sight of his suffering wife was too much for him.

"Nonsense !" ho cried. "Go ahead and give your dinner party. I'll take" back what I said. I"li try to be real conventional."

It happened however, that, with all Dimpleton's good intentions on the night of the i-arty, just as he was about to go home, he wa«. met by a friend, and it must be confessed that Iho two drinks he imbibed at that hour were just enough to make him forget his resolution. Mrs Dimpleton did not see him until he came down in hi » evening clothes, just as their guests were beginning to arrive. All she could do was to give him a warnin f look as Mrs Penrose entered t.he roonu It"was, however, entirely lost upon Dimpleton. , - „ „ He shook that lady's hand cordially. "l"m awfully glad to meet you, he At this moment the cocktails were being passed round. "My dear," he continued critically, as he held up his glass, "who made these? They look thin and weak. Now, don't you think so?" he said to Mrs Penrosc. That lady smiled. „ "Colour is not 'always a sign of strength, she replied. "Well," said Dimpleton. to tho horror of his wife, "let you and I see if we can't get something better. I'll mix you one myself. ' , . . He offered Mrs Penrose his arm, which that lady took somewhat curiously. "Come." he said, "out in the butler s pantry. I'll initiate you. Never mind my wife. She doesn't know what it is to have a good time." It seemed to Mrs Dimpleton that irom that moment, all during the progress of the dinner, her husband was as scandalous as he could well be. He insisted upon taking Mrs Penrose in. He told her terrible stories. He filled her glass with wine himself. He trampled on every known conventionality. What agony she suffered no one but a wife and a woman could possibly know. But at last the moment came when the end was rapidly drawing near. With sinking heart she watched Hie signs of departure on the part of Mrs Penrose who, for some unaccountable reason, stayed la L cr than the rest. She felt that that lady would surely signify her note of disapproval. Could she. boar it? Dimpleton came up with her. "I've tried my best to get Mrs Penrose to stay longer," ho said. Mrs Penrose held out her hard. "There's a limit to. all things," she said. Then *he smiled largely and benignly on her hostess.

"Your husband," she said, "is altogether the most natural and charming man I have met for a long time. Promise me that you will call soon." — Tom Massost, in Puck.