One for Him.

Otago Witness, Issue 2622, 15 June 1904, Page 79

One for Him.

The other day an old woman bounced into an office with a notification that had been sent to her to the effect that a quarter's rates en some property belonging to her were due. She asserted she had paid them. A clerk gob out tho book? to prove that she had not, a=.j'J suggested that sue had irade a mistake. She still declared, however, that she had paid. "Don't you ever make mistakes?" she inquired. The clerk assured her that he did not, and jokinsly added: "The only mistake I ever made was \vhen I gofc married."

She looked at him for a moment, and then said : '"No; your wife made that mistake- !""

Both Mdes of the Ledger. I. "The country is simply going to the doga through those unspeakable human V said tho Wolf to the Lion at a recent Cabinet meeting. The King of the Beas'.s wrinkled his furrowed brows perplexedly. "What can one expecL?" he replied, fretfully. "When animals get up and walk on their hind legs, it is an unfailing sign of degeneracy. If they would only consent to learn of the higher races how to be deeen^elean, orderly beasts, there might be some hope for them. One of their own prophets, whom I have studied somewhat, expressea their case admirably : 'God hath made man upright ; but they have sought out many inventions!' " "Speaking of inventions," paid the Wolf^ ''have you heard of. the la^t 'Erminian atrocities, man's new method of trapping the little beasts? The Ermine family aro simply crushed with grief and shame. They have always given their slc'ns gladly for royalty ; but now every social female in the human race is wearing them." "Strange," mused Jie Lion. "The venerable Fox tells me that he Is making a study of human habits and customs, and he says that many of them a» - e very curious and interesting. The males spend all their time in playing a peculiar game, in which each man tries to secure as many of his neighbour's possessions as possible. His success is usually measured by tho amount of ruitt and misery he causes. If he wins in this game, which, by the way, is called ths 'strenuous life,' all pay him homage. Then the females exchange these hard-won possessions fox beasts' skins, feathers, and stones dug from the earth, and also in motley ornaments for the interior of their dens." "It would be sad. if it were not so amusing," said the Wolf, showing his teeth in a grin. "I cannot accept the theory of evolution, when I jponder on the way of these humans. How can they sver ascend to our level?" "They are fit for nothing but the purpose for which the Almighty created them," dogmatised the chattering grey Ape ; ' namely, the delectation of animals. We should all thank God that we are not as human beings, even as their women !" 11. A woman knelt before the glittering altar of a splendid church, and fervently congratulated her Maker upon having selected one so worthy of His manifold benefits as herself. She included among these mercie? her superb baby-lamb coat, her great ermina muff and broade stole, which fell to tha foot of her gown, and the rare bird and .aigrette in her hat. She also offered thanks that 'she slept soft and fared sumptuously, while others suffered, and that she was enabled to give libeially to church and charity. But against her prayer was the credit account of the little ermine, struggling, dying in the snow, its tongue held fast by iha relentless frost against the greased knifeblade; the shrill cries of starving youn:* birds, whose mother had boon sacrificed to adorn a hat ; and the slaughtered sheep rifled of her lamb before the due time.— Life, N.Y.

For "that tired feeling" try WOLFE'S SCHNAPPS— it dispals langour. • — The Coesacks on some of the rivers in Russia have a singular method of catching the finny tribe in winter. They cut a long trench across a river when frozen, and run a net from one bank to another; then, riding several miles up the titeara, they form a line across the frozen surface and gailop their horses down towards the nets. The fish, hearing the noise and clatter of a thousand hoCfs, became fiiaftiiened darr in- the opposite direction, and are thus entangled in the n-e-l.

#

IT

■

■

MORTALITY 13IOXG MAORIS. GIS3ORNE, Juno 5. Influenza is working havoc among the .Natives on ihe East Coast. Five deaths ,were reported last week, and the resulting itangis are likely to bring about more. Tohung-aism is also rife, but the allegations that patients had been plunged into icycold water were not su3tain2d> at an inquest, and a vc:v"ci, V.-.3 reiurncd tl)at tho e'eaths were probably clue to natural causa?. All the Maori witnesses could bo got to svdrait was that a Maori tohunga ordered the removal of their boots when in the precincts of ihe pa. They denied any other method of treatment, except prayer. The Na'ives had been going about without boots, wid submitting themselves to be prayed over for fully a fortnight, during inclement

weatnex, wueu iiu? giouuu wass ciuu turn wio surroundings of the pa in a very slushy state. The jury, in a rider, condemned the unhealthy conditions attending Native gatherings. It is further reported that; eight other Natives died at Waiapu under sinvlar circumstances. 1 ->

With a view to testing whether applicants for assistance were willing to work for relief granted, the Hawcia. Hospital and Charitable Aid Board recently induced the- Hawera Borough Council to plaoe a heap of stones in a convenient place so that applicants might have a chance of working for what they expected. Tho Mayor said that it was a curious thing that since the decision, of thd board had been published there had been no applications for relief, whereas there we** _*e<"**">i.>— ± before.