EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2565, 13 May 1903, Page 71

EDITOR'S WALLET.

The President Begins. Mr Frederick Moore writes- in Cassell's Magazine for March, under the title, "The President Begins," x>me account of President Roosevelt's adventures in the Wild West: — When Theodore Roosevelt went out on io the frontier, the "bad men" cf the lawless country estimated him another easy mark for i-hem jo bluff and bilk. One night in the early eighties he had to "put up" at a border town "hotel," the bar, dining room, and sitting 1 room of which were all ono. After sunpei he remained seated at cne of tho tables reading. In came a man who wa9 painting the town red. Marching with :onsiderable. gusto up to the bar, he : nvitec] "the house" to drink. Everybody responded to the summons but Roosevelt. "Who i-s it?" the nan asked '. friend, pointing over bis shoulder at Roosevellt. "Some tenderfoot, ju6t arrived," the words were whispered. The mn urne-d and shouted to the "tenderfoot," "Say, Mr Four-eyes, I asked this house to drink." Roosevelt was a little incensed t this reference to his spectacle.?, but kept his head, and made no reply. The man walked over to him, pulled out his gun (pistols are called guns in Jie West), and explained that when he asked a man to drink the man had to drink. "I do mot care foi anything to Jrink," eaid Roosevelt. "Now, you just ordei your Irink, my man, or there'll bs some trouble." "Well," said Roosevelt, pnarently submitting before the threat, "I do not are for anything, but if I must " Roosevelt had rissn slowly, and was now standing full erect. As> he broke off the sentence he struck the big mar) fairly on the point of the :hin. The man tumbled over on hi» back, and before he could re- i covei Roosevelt had him pinioned io the floor, his knees on he man's biceps. He stripped him of his pistols and knives, then released the man. Rising, he inquired with mock politeness — "Now, my man, may I insist that I io mot care to drink with you?" You ?an imagine the effect if this affair — how Roosevelt ttdek went up. Dorothy Uix on the Widow. That "interesting animal the Widow " is Dorothy Dix'a latest Study in Natural History jn the "Journal," New Tork : — The chief iharacteristic of the Widow is its .kill in bringing lown its game, and although all Widows possess this faculty to an extraordinary .iosrcp, the genus is really divided iuio four distinct classes, sacli i which pursues i different method in hunting itis r.rey. The most common, and perhaps the most dangerous, is the Weeping Widow, which may bo easily distinguished by itt long, flowing black veil and pensive air of melancholy. Women naturalists contend jhat these, and the plaintive cries it utters, are but decoys to take men in, since it is well known that there are nofc many men who can see a pretty little creature in distress without wanting to oomtort it. This theory may or may not be true, but few men who have gene out to console Widows have re» turned unecathed. To the public eye ;he most vttractive widow L the gay and frivoioue one. She Reno-ally has a blonde pompadour, o,nd ihe sticks to black because it is becoming. You may know her by he naughty little frills and wicked spangles that cover her mourning, fbis is an extremely clever little animal, and it performs many junning little tricks by whioh to attract public attention and keep the crowd before its lage. When at large it generally stalks millionaires and other bin g^me, and naturalists attribute its still in batreing it« quarry to its being perfeotly tamiliar with all the ropes. Many learned treatises have been written warning men against the danger of stirring up this soecies, but without any apparent effect. Women have special antipathy to the Blonde Widow, and when ode crosses their

path they sit down and : throw up theft hands and give up the game. Scarcely less to be feared by the prudcmt is the iiird species of ihis interesting animal, whioh is known as the Domestio Widow. This is the most intelligent of its class, and jhows much -Jigeuuity in the way with which it baits its traps with Chafingdish Suppers and Cosy Evenings at Home. This species of the Widow seldom goes out on the trail. Ra-thei it ' sits quietly in ita den umtil the unwary victim, attracted by the alluring and innocent-looking little pre* parations, strolk <n, only to be gobbled up by this relentless mau-himter. The lemains of many eligible bachelors who had strayed away from their clubs and had been, lest have been found by their anxious friends repesing by ,he Domeetio Widow's fireside. The fourth epeeies is the Determined' Widow, which is easily recognisable by the business-like air that surrounds it. Although at first it has a black coat, it soon exchanges this for one of gay colours, so that everyone may detect where it stands on the matrimonial proposition. It employs none of the finesse in dealing with its prey that the other species do, but A'hcta it hits the track oi its .victim it never lets.. up until ife has corralled it. When a man is chased by a Determined Widow it is a mere, waste of shoT leathei to run away from it. Of course, not every man who has been pursued by a Widiw was caught, and thera are a number of thrilling, if slightly apocryphal, narratives of daring adventurers who have escaped Ihe clutches of the 3angerous creatures at the last mimute. It is but just, however, to warn the careful student that these stories invariably lack confirmation. Hft Forgave Kirn. The automobilist watched his victim writliing in the mud with unconcealed disgust. "Why the blazes didn't you get out "5? I the way?" ho demanded at last in tones of. exasperation. "I'm — I'm very sorry. I hope I haven't seriously inconvenienced you," quavered the victim, dolefully feeliug his broken logs. "Well, you have," complained the auto« mobilist bitterly. "Here's a great splotch of your gore on my lamp, and a whole bunch of your horrid hair flew plump in my face. ' Ugh !"' "I hope you will forgive me," begged the. victim, as well as he :ould gasp on acoount of his smashed ribs. "I'll be hanged if I will !" declared the automobilist savagely. "You people pufe us to all sorts of trouble and annoyance, and then expect us to condone it just because you ask us to. A pretty vtate of , society, I declare !" "Oh, pleaso do, please forgive me," wailerl the victim, fixing the eye that was left imploringly upon the other's face. "Please, please, if you have any humanity, forgive me." > "Never!" asserted the automobilist posi* tively. "It's the last request of a dying man," 1 gasped the victim, faintly, as the death' rattle sounded in his throat. "Oh, well, I'll forgive you then, bud don't let it happen agaim," relented the automobilist. as he started up his machine;; for, after all, he was kind-hearted, and his sympathies were voo easily stirred for % successful ohauffeur. — Town Topics. "That Lady is Not Mad." "In Blankaire once," said the late Georgo Grossmith, the father sf the well-known actor, "I had the misfortune to noui the animosity of an eccentric lady. It was one of those little country towns where they do not often hava lectures, but where, oddlyenough, whenever they have one they are pretty certain to have two the same night;: for, being about equally divided by religious differences', such is the neighbourly, friendly spirit in which all matters are conducted there that whenever one side invites a kcturer down from London the other section are sure to have one down on the same i night in opposition. Now, I was engaged r to hold forth on the ' Sketches by Boz,' my ! rival in the opposition room behind on 'The Pilgrim's Progress.' "Tho lady in question — elderly, very respectable, but not very intelligent — wandered from her peaceful home with {he view if attending the latter ; but she went to the wrong room, taking her place in the front, nd, putting on the most solemn icuntenamce 't waa ever my misfortune tc behold, became a listener to my discour<-8 on the writings of Dickens, and I am cer* tain for the first 20 minutes did not discover the mistake she had made. But, alas ! when I at length referred to my author's description of a country fair and the servant-girls out for the day, ' not allowed to have any followers home, but mow resolved to hay-o

— Longevity clepcmd: to a certain extent I m -jountry and climate. A country Ufa B coridueiv to old age, while it. is cxiremely rare to find persons of 90 years and upward?, wbo have led sedentary lives in kwa, 1

— Th«* practice has just been introduced iuto lr German Navy of Betting up mon;oria) tablets or. board ship? tc sailor. whe liavo fallei n action. Fifteen war-hip.--up tc .he present ha\n earned .ho distinction af Doeccseing tablets,

*em all at once,' the dear old soul gave a ' shriek of horror, and said quite audibly, ' Oh, how shocking 1' i This exclamation was repeated when I described ' the fat old lady with the Jack-in-the-box, and three shiea for a penny,' and I at last became somewhat unnerved. I tried not to look at the old lady ; but there is nothing in creation more difficult than the effort mot to look at a thing you don't want to. "At length I approached with horror the author's description of a thimble-rig, knowing it would up^et her. 'Here's a little, game to make you wake up and laugh six months after you're dead, buried, and forgotten, and turn the hair of your head RTey with delight. Here's three little thimbles and one litle pea. Keep your eye on he pea, and never say die ! Now then, with a one, two, three, amd a three, two, one,' eto. "This was quite enough. The old lady, mistaking me for the creature I was describing, and believing I was offering to bet with the company, uttered a shriek of horror, and left the room. " ' Poor lady,' 6aid I to the quiet old chairman, 'of course, she's mad I But why did the committee let her in?' '"No, sir,' said the president, 'that lady js not mad : she'o my wife.' "I apologised; but, much to my comfort, the chairman wae not so much offemded as I had supposed, for adreeeing me again, he said : " ' Never m:md ; you'd better gfit on with your lecture. She's more trouble to me than she is to you.' "