THE RESOLVE.

Otago Witness, Issue 2513, 14 May 1902, Page 59

THE RESOLVE.

— Dentist: " When did your teeth first fcegin to trouble you, sir?" The Victim: "When I was about one year old." Said I to Mary, "Are you hungry?'* " Yes," said she, " I am." £o " Name your choice," I said. And Mary Had a little lamb. — Clerk: "The firemen turned the hose in our cellar, sir, and drenched two bales of ■ilk dress goods. What about it?" Merchant : " Advertise a big sale of watered silk at once." —Borem ((11 p.m.): "A great many things go without saying, Miss Cutting.", Miss Cutting (suppressing a yawn): "Yes; but they •re legs tiresome than things that say without going." — Boarder (warmly): " Oh, I know every one of the tricks of your trade. Do you think I have lived in boarding-houses 20 years for nothing?" Landlady (frigidly): "I shouldn't be at all surprised." — First Dentist: r*~lr*~l got even with the ' photographer who took my picture." Se- . cond Dentist: "How did you do it? " First j Dentist: "When he got into my chair I ( said, ' Look pleasant, please.' " j — Mrs 'Malaprop: " That's young Mr Jen- ! kins. He's' engaged to be married, you j know." Mrs Gabble: "Indeed? and is that J the .young .woman with him now?" Mr 3 ' IJlalaprop: "Yee,^ that's his fiasco." — Englishman: "pan you tell me, my lad; how far iß* it to Kirkoaldy?" Soots Boy: " Well, if ye gang' on' straight, it's aboot twanfcy-five thousand miles; but, if ye turn back, -ye'r® -there in five minutes." • — His Lordship: " Prisoner, you- have the right of challenging any of the jury if you desire to do so." Prisoner:' "Right y'are, guvnor. I'll fight that little black-whiskered bloke atthe end, if he'll step outside." — A female teacher threatened to keep an ■unruly boy 15 minutes after school. " I wish you'd make it half an hour," said the appreciative youth, "for you're the prettiest teacher in the town." He got off easy. — Crushing her Mistress. —Mrs Ginger: " How dare you talk to me in that way? I never saw such impudence. And you call yourself a lady's "maid, do you?" Ths Maid: " I was a lady's maid before I worked for you, ma'am." " Oh, why do you repulse me ?" The lover sadly said. " Why shrink away from my embrace ? : Has love for ever fle**" She looked into hia shad'wy eyes, Which told of adulation. " Ah, no," she answered, " 'tisn't that; You hurt my vaccination." — Gertrude (speaking of Beatrice's' fiance): " What will Jack do now that he has inherited all this money?" Beatrice: *'Ch, I shall just make him give up all business and —and live like a gentleman, you know." Gertrude (quietly): '* It will be a great change for him." — A little girl held a mirror up before a visitor's face and asked: "Do you see yourself in it?" —" Yes, my darling." —"Are you quite sure?" —" Yes, why should I not?" — "Because I heard mamma say, the other day, that if you "ever peeped into a lookingglass you'd smash it all into tiny bits! " ' — " Don't you like to have anybody talk shop when they come to ccc you?" gurgled Mary. —"lndeed I do. Who's been talMng shop to you? "—"" —" Oh, Charlie, of course ! He's a tram-conductor, you know, and nearly every time he conies to see me he goes on with .his shop- talki" —" What does he say? " —" Sit closer, please ! " — "I suppose," remarked Willie Wishington, hopelessly, "that I have said the wrong thing again." —"To whom." —"Miss Seeran•braun. I was complimenting her on her costume, and on a venture I told her that she looked the part completely —that it was positively lifelike. I have just found out • the character she was assuming." —" What was it?" —"A lady of the preceding century." — She liad decided to go to a fancy-dress ball. "What shall I go as?" she queried, a3 she turned over a book containing illustrations of all the latest carnival costumes. "I'm sure I don't know," he grunted. "I have almost decided to go as Helen of Troy. Do you think it would suit me? " " Well," murmured her husband, as weights and -measures confused his brains, and he gazed at her ample proportions. "I think you would be better as Helen of Avoirdupois! " An Irishman, who was. of course, nair.ed Pat. was very proud of a huge brindle bulldog He possessed, and which was his constant companion. One day a friend met him without the door, and looking very disconsolate. "Well. Pat. and how is that bull-oup af yours doing?." —"Oh, be jabers. he's • dead! The illigant baste wiut an' swallowed a tape-measure! "—" Oh. I see! He died by inches, then?" —" No. begorra. he duln t. He winfc round to* the back of the house an' died by the yard! " — In the second act of a certain play the curtain rises on a» empty stage; then presently a meek-looking young man with a dust-coat over his arm comes on and loudly calls: ""Onele— uncle !" According to the took of the play he should receive no answer, and. after a Dause. should proceed ■with, a monologue. One night, however, a voice was heard from the gallery: "All right! I'm coming in a, moment. How much do you want on it? "—amid shouts of laughter from the audience.

Let the whole thing go, and car© no mc-e For consequence and consciencej The law Of Nature is too strong for us, so having fought Our hardest in Life's struggle, no more be wrought By worrying onsets of this cruel life. But fill our minds with, wilduess and be rife 'Of reckless madness, caring nought For what the world may cay. No thought Expend, no passion stay, alone to please The hypocrites who bring on us the seas Of trouble. Mind not the dreadful fear The world will cast on us ita sneer! Having fought hard against our bitter Fate, Surrender —love—wish for no better state. By heaven! Again we'll 3trive, and yet agam We'll light the darkness and make joy of pain. Yet will we live, and stay our cruel sorrow By striving for and gaining a glad morrow. .What pain is there that's lasted: has thcie been one. . Since man'was first created, or life begun 9 ;Nb! Joy *nd Kest and Gladness follow cruel ' Grief, . And Love, a heaven eternal, rewards lor sor- ■■ row brief. —E. G. Hoxey. Dunedin, May, 1902.

' When you ask for TUSSICURA, see that 4hkA«t it, it ik Absolutely infalliH*-