Mrs GallUp's Laments.

Otago Witness, Issue 2455, 3 April 1901, Page 70

Mrs GallUp's Laments.

SHE HE IBS X HEX CBCWUNG AT MIDNIGHT, AND PREPARES TO GO HENCE. It had been a very quiet evening with the Gallups. He had read his newspaper, while she patched a pair of his trousers and put a new band on an old shirt, and she hadn't mentioned a word about dying. At 9 o'clock he had just got out of his chair with a grunt, wound up tho clock, fastened the kitchen door, turned out the lamp, and said thoy had better go to bed, and she had followed him without a word. They had slept and snored, and midnight had come. Of a sudden she sat up in bed and listened, and after a minute she gave him a poke with her elbow and exclaimed : "Samuel Gallup, wake up 'and bid your wife good-bye for e-ver, for she hasn't an hour to live ! "' Mr Gallup ceased to snore, and opened one eye, and Mrs Gallup contimied : " I've been expectin' the summons fur the la^>t 20 years, and now they'\e finally come. I was sound asleep and dreamin' of whitewasbm' the kitchen ceilin', when one of our hens utteied a crow and woke me up. You know what it means, Samuel, when a hen cows in the night. It has never failed yet, and never will. I have bin commanded to lay down my airthly burden and become an angel, ond if you'll git up I'll say a last few w ord 3to you. ' Mr Gallup didn't get up. He had closed his eye and fallen a-leep again, and it took thice digs of tho elbow to arou~e him again. H" 1 up without ask ng any questions. He had been t''ere about COOO times before, and there was no occasion for excitement. ' " Yes, Samuel, I shall perish between this paid daylight," said Mrs Gallup, with considerable satisfaction in her tones, " and I want to talk to you a little about the funeral. I've had rheumatism, neuralgia, backache, buzzin' in the head, fever, chills, measles, sore eyes and bunions, and I think I deserve a tolerably long funeral purcession and consideiable fusa made over me. Mrs Games, who never had half the ailments I have, had 36 buggies *and waggons in her purcession, an 1 you o^ter do as well by me. I believe you could skeer up 40 if you humped around. Will you hump, Samuel — will you hump to send me to my last restin' place in good shape? " For answer, Mr Gallup fell back upon his pillow with a great thud and snored away to make up for lost time. Mrs Gallup didn't arouse him again. Having got a good start on her favourite tubject, it made no differ enee to her whether he was awake or asleep. " Yes ; I want at least 40 waggons and buggies in the purcession," she went on, as she sat up alone and looked into the darkness, " and I want people to ask wiiat I died of and say that they are surprised and sorry. You ain't used to funerals, Samuel, like I be, and I want to tell you a few things. " I'll probably perish about daylight. When I've drawed my last breath, you must go over to Mrs Carter's and knock four times on the door and call out that I've gone to my reward at last. She'll git right up, and ehe'll notify Mrs Phillips and Mrs Bebee, and afore sunrise they'll take most everything off your hands. You'll probably hey to cat bread and milk fur breakfast, but I know you won't kick about it. Then you'll hey to see about the coffin. You won't be too upset to do that, will you? " Mr Gallup moved his legs and moaned in his sleep, and Mrs Gallup took that as an answer to her question and placidly continued : "I was lookin' at coffins at Brown's the other day. You kin git 'em at all prices, but seem' it was me he paid he'd gi\e me a 40dol or.c fur 32d01. Jist lennnd him of it, Samuel, and don't \H him squeak out of his promise. The funeral will take place clay after to-mor-row at 2 o'clock m the afternoon, and you'll hey to borry about 25 chairs. " I want Mrs Phillips, Mrs Carter, and Mrs Bebee to hey front seats along of you. They allus do more weepin' at a funeral than any other women I know of, and weepin' helps things to git off all right. I don't expect you to do much weepin' yourself, but you'd better shed a few tears fur the look of things. It may be hard work, but you'll try, won't you, Samuel?" Mr Gallup was non-committal. Being sound asleep and dreaming of being tossed over a fence by a bull, ho couldn't well be otherwise. Mrs Gallup worked up an imaginary picture of him in the " front row " with tears raining down hia cheeks, and then said : "As to the preaehin', it won't amount to much. It will be by Elder Tompkins, of course, and he'll Eay that another flower has faded, another leaf fallen by the wayside, another human befn' laid down the cares of airth and sailed away to become an angel. Let the womn folk do most of the weepin', and you kin come in at the last end, while they are waitm' to sing. You may feel like singin', Samuel, but I wouldn't do it if I was you. " You've got such a roarin' sort of voice that it might put tho rest of 'em out. I want 'em to sing ' Rock of Ages,' ' The Home over there,' and ' The sweet bimeby,' and I don't beer which tune comes first. While they are singin' it would loola better fur you to sit up straight with your handkerchief held in your light hand. Kin you lemember all this, Samuel? " Owing to circumstances over which he had no control, Mr Gallup made no reply. Such a triffe as that didn't disturb Mrs' Gallup, however, and she went right on to say: "You'll rule in the cairiage with the elder to the graveyard, and it I was you I wouldn't say much nor let him draw me into an argument about the whale swallenn' Joncr. Squeeze out a few more tears at the grave if you can as well as not, and don't look too happy as yon ride home. You kin return all the^borned chairs before dark, hey some puddin' and milk for supper, and go to bed and sleep as sound ab you ever diet in your life. You hear me, don't you, Samuel?" Owing to ciicumstances as abo\e mentioned he didn't, but having had her Fay about things she dropped back on her pillow with a feeling that they were off her mind, and whibpercd: "That's all, Samuel; that's all. When I have perished— Mrs Carter— 2s chairs— weep a few tears — flower by the wayaide — puddin' and njilk for supper — and — and " And Mrs Ga.llup was snoring in unison with him, and the crowing hen was heard no more. — Bofcton Globe.