FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2318, 4 August 1898, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY.

Watered silk. — An umbrelh. A biiibt of confidence — Failure of a saA'ings bank.

A Safe Wager. — The one you Avers going to make but didn't.

More people fail from discouragement than from real misfortune.

There is nothing so Avearing as keeping up ono's reputation as a beauty.

In travelling along the Highway of Succo, t, it is a good pbn to keep to the right.

I!ib: "Saw Tom and his wife out wheeling yesterday." — Will : " Tandem? " — Bob : "No; perambulator."

It is a mistake to suppose that when you have made a good start you Avill be carried along by your oava momentum. E\ident. — Caller: "Is your Avife at home. Mr Johnson?" — Johnson (surlily) :" Don't you sec her bicycle in the hall? "

The pessimist is a person Avho does not expect to get Avhat he Avants, and expects to be disappointed in it if he should.

Soulful Youth (at the piano) : "Do you sing 'For ever and eA^er'?'" — Matter-of-fact Maiden: "No: I stop for meals."

Trachcr : " Well, Johnny, a^ ho was the bet man that ever bxed?" — Johnny: '" S'l.ii;?, sir, it Avas mamma's first husband, fcii Kvon More. — BroAvn- Jones : "Has your Avit'e a more even temper than your own? " Jones-BroAvn : "More even? No : even

Lady (meeting a former servant of hers) : " Well, Jane, do you get better Avages hoav? " Jane : '" No, mm, I works for nothing ; I'm married."

Doctor : " Tommy, Avhen do you feel the ■worst?" — Tommy: "I don't feel A T ery good ennytane, but I allers feels wurst jus' after takm' yuie med'eine." Those LoA r ing Girls. — Helen: "Don't you think my new bonnet is a perfect dream? "—" — IVlaltie: "It's more than a dream, dear; il*,3 a genuine nightmare." Answered. — '" What," cried the orator fiercely, "Avhat, 1 ask, causes poverty?" — And from the back of the hall a hoarse voice answered : " Lack of cash ! "'

Visitor (in an insane asylum) : " How long liave you been inside? " — Inmate: "Ever since the people on the outside found out that I kneAv they Aveie mad."

" Captain Skaggs, did you ever get your leer bit off by a shark? " asked a boy of six of a retired sea captain. — " Did I sonny'/" he replied. "Did V! Well, rather. Dozens of iunos."

Ambiguous. — "Johnson Avanls to borrow .some money of me. Do you know anything about him?"— "l know him as well as J do you. i Avouldn't let him have a farthing." "I'm something of a mind-reader," he paid, as they sat on opposite sides of the room.—" l think not," &he replied, as her eyes ostentatiously measured the distance between them.

A Frenchwoman makes the naive confession of having attended 722 balls to catch a husband, and of having caught, instead, bronchitis 14 times, pleurisy thrice, and 120 colds in the head.

Newly-married couple returning from the theatre. — He: "It's *i shame how miserably the streets are lighted." She: "Why, Adolphus, only six weeks ago you were HysJiiDg they were not lighted at all,"

Auntie: "A penny for your thoughts." — Little Nephew : "1 avos thinking that if I kept quiet and pretended to be thinking, you'd Avonder Avhat I Avas thinking about, and say just what you did. Gimme the penny!'"