FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2309, 2 June 1898, Page 41

F UN AND FANCY.

— Words .of st dying cannibal : "Write me down as' one who- loved; his fellow m«n." — Tit -for Tat— Pan :, " I wouldn't he a fool if I were yon." Prone ; " But I would if I were- you"." — Walker : " Bid you say your wife's a member of a secret society I " Talker : "It vraffsecrefc before she joined."' —An Irishman was asked if he hsd, ever .bf en* to Cork. "No," anawered Pat, "fcutr I've seen- many drawings- of it." — He : ""Darling; we'll bave a lot fro contend with when we sire married." She: " Yes, dear, we'll Bare each other." — Teacher:: "How masy bonea- are there In the human body? " Popil : " I don't; know. I've only jast joined a foofcball club. >r — "Is he a man of metal?" — "Well, he has an iron constitution, hs has steely eyes, bis ' teeth, are filled with gold, aud his cheek is - brass."" Mother : " Johnny, why did yon cot tell j me tbat you were naughty at school?" Johnny r «* ITian'fc best to tell women' everything-." — She: "T heard 1 about the elopement. Has her mother forgiven them ? " He : "I j think not. I understand sha has gone to live with them." — Larkson (a fc telephone) : " Halloa." New Girl (at Central Exchange) : "Is that the way to address a lady who is a perfect stranger to yoa,_sir ? '" — Jack:" "That Miss Beverly, to- whom I bowad just now, i& a regular Klondike." j Tom : " Thatr so ?' Rich 1 " Jack : " Yes. j Also cold and distant." — "DM he confess his love?""— "I don'fc . thick, so. " From what I know of the affair I am inclined to think that she drew, it ant of Mm by cross-examination." j — •• Mamma, the right way to spell 'high ' iff h-i-g-h, isn't it?— " Yes v dear. Why do I you wish to know 1 " — " 'Cause I'm vmtin' a composition about the highena." I — "Theaphilus," said the officiating clergy- j man, "do you take this woman. " j "Lady," corrected, the bride, formerly of the ! lifabon. department at Spotcash and 00. — Tramp : " This pie U just, like what me mother used to make." Mrs Homespun (readily) : " You don'fc say so ! " Tramp : "Yes, ma'am, it was that druv me from home." — Good Friend : " I hava reason to suspect that jour husband fs flirting with other women. You ought to follow him wherever he gees." — " Great; heavens 1 My husband is a postman-," — " Ah, my little one," flaid. the new curate, as he took a girl of five on big lap, " are you the oldest of the family I " — "No, sir," responded the little miss," "my pa's oldeu m me." — Jinks : "I want to feujr a dog. I don't know wba&they call the breed, but it is something the shape of a. greyhound, with, a short curly tail and. sough, hair. D& you keep dogs like thafii"' Fancier; *Nbv I drowns 'ernE" . - -r~ " Why did youi break off your engagement with Mi'm Bertha? " — ".Because her panrofe . was always sayieg, "Stop thatr, Get&geL 1 "— "But whafc difference did that make '/. Your engagement. w*B not a secret.' 1 --'• But my flame is not George." - — " Is it true tbat youc husband is so very absent-minded-, Mrs Newly I "—" Perfectly^. We've beeni married rfac month*,, and many; an evening at 11 he. gets up. and takes me by the hand r tells what a. deHgbtf ul. t|me he- has. had, aud. would leave if I did n6t ft'rmad jhim,"! >

— An Hones' Opinion. — Athletic artist (to critic) : " Yesterday I invited Jones, the critic, here to express his candid opinion of my painting, and he had the nerve to tell me it lacked composition and' colour, and that the technique waß very bad. WeU, I didn't do a thing to him. I merely threw him down the Btairs and, following him up, kicked him halfway down the street. Now, old fellow, give me your honest opinion,. What do you think o£ it 1 "