FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2272, 16 September 1897, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY.

— A man never knows surely that be is in love till be thinks that she isn'c.

> — "No news is good news,",bufc it won't do to run a daily paper on that principle.

— Tbe skeleton in one's closet is sometimes taken out for an«airing by one's neighbours.

—It would ruin any man's peace of mind ) to know as much about himself as other people know. — If you are good at remembering your own faults you will be surprised to see how I easily you forget your neighbour's. —r- When a man starts down hill people seem to take an interest in letting him go, out of curiosity to see where he will land. - - — Doctor : " For dinner take 40 minutes."Timid Patient ; '.' Would it be dangerous to - add a piece of meat and' some, vegetables 1 " . — " I'm a self-made man," he proudly said, to a cynic store and grim; "and a mighty poor job it was, I think," the cynic said to him. . ' — The Only Way.— Gobbleton : " And so | they are happily married 1 " Mrs Gobbleton (reading novel) : " Yes ; each'of them married somebody else." — " Nora, doesn't it tire yon to run up bo many stairs to announce my visitors?" — " Yis'm ; but, yer see, when I gits tired out I j is' tells 'em jer ain't in." — She : " George, do you know why a bicjcle is like a man 1 " He :'• Because they axe generally tired?" She: ''No; because they often need a good blowing up." — "I am veiy sorry to bear, Captain Salter, that your wife left you so unceremo- ' niotmly." — " My mistake, sir. . I took her for a mate, and she proved to bu a skipper." marys want. Mary had a little lamb, But both have long been dead. If Mary were alive to-day, She'd want a bike instead. — "How glorious it is to drink in this delightful sunshine! to watch it gild the landscape, and cast its mellow blessing on tbe waiting eartb, 1 " — " Yes, George ; but think of the freckles 1" — In That Case. — " Belinda, how do you treat a stupid man who admires yon P" — " Really, I don't know ; when a man admires me I never do myeelf tha ir> justice to consider him stupid." — Master : " The lady who called in our absence did not lsave her name ? What did she look like?" Servant (who is under notice) : "Look like ? Well, not the lady. Just a little podgy woman, like tbe missus.' — Young Lady : " You are a great master of tbe piano, I hear." Professor yon Spieler (hired for the occasion) : " I blay aggompaniments zometimep." Young Lady: •• Accompaniments to singing ? " Professor yon Spieler : " Aggompaniments to gonversatione." — Nellie Obaffie : " Why, Mr Canesucker, what has caused the charge in your appearance?" Dudley Carjesucker : "I pwesume it's my glawcef, doncherknow. I've begun to weah them." " Well, you should always wear them. You've no idea how intelligent they make you look. I scarcely knen j you." I — JobDnie Obaffie stuck bis head into a baker's shop and asked anxiously : " Have you any stale bread ? " " Yea, I have five or Bix loaves." " Good ! Serves you right ! Why did'nt you sell 'em while they were fre6h ? " And then Johnnie drew back just in time for one of the stale loaves to whizz past his head. POETS, TAKE NOTE. I. wrote a little sonnet. And swore tbat I'd be true, And praised in language tender Her smiling eyes of blue. But, alas ! I woke one morning', I In spirit all cast dowu, JFor I hRd a note f 10m her which read, " Dear sir, my eyes are brown ! " — An extraordinary incident is reported from one of the villages in the south. One Sunday morning a young fellow went to a church and took his -seat, keeping bis bat on all the while. A gentleman sitting near bim politely asked him to take his hat off, but the young man paid no attention. Again he spoke to him, and seeing tbat he still hesitated, the gentleman quietly lifted bis hat off, when, much to his dismay, out rolled a quart of walnuts, making a great noise as they scattered about the floor. Oa this the youth turned round to the gentleman and said : •'Now, you ccc what you have done I"