FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2258, 10 June 1897, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY.

— Happiness consists largely in forgetting the things you can't have. — The surest thing about first love is that it is not likely to be the last. ' — Small stepping stones make up the road < that leads to the home of happiness. i — Every man knows a good use to which ] some other man might put his mosey. j Maud : " Why do you call that ring a war ; relic?" Ethel: "I won it in my first engagement." Primus : " You have a t6rrible cold. Are j you taking anything 1 " Secundus : " Certainly. Where shall we go 1 " — A man should say what he thinks, but 1 there may be occasions when it will seem ' prudent to say it to himself. . j — " Did you tell h«r I was out, Bridget 1 " "I did, mum." — "What did she say 2" — "'Thank 'eavensl' mum." — One reason why the world gains knowledge so slowly i 3 that every child must find out for itself that fire is hot. | — " What a desirable thing it is to have a 1 friend yon can trust 1 " said R. " Ye*," replied S. — " or one that will trust you." • — The average young lady likes to be told that she is the prettiest girl in the world, but it pleases h«r more if you oall her the prettiest girl in her town. — Mistress : " Didn't the ladies who called leave cards?" Maid: "They wanted to, ma'am, but I told them you had plenty of your own, and better too." — Stranger (to man in front) : " Won't you please ask your wife to take her hat off ? I can't see the stage at all." Man in F-tont : "Ask her yourself — I daren't." — A bald-headed man fainted the other j day, and was very indignant, when ho was , coming to, at hearing a Cockney exclaim : ! " Give him hair ; give him hair." — Flippant Cockney (to countryman) — ! " Are there many fools in this part of the world, my lad ? " Yokel : " Not as I knows on, zur. D'ye feel a bit lonesome like ? " — Williams : " Why, that isn't the same coat you had on yesterday, is it ? " Roberts : " No. • My sister has gone out with that in mistake — pipe, tobacco-pouch, and all ; this is hers." ORNITHOLOGICAL. A bird iv the hand is worth two in the bush— No woman will quibble with that ; I The song m*y he sweet of the bird in the hush, ! ' But the bird in the hand trims a hat. | — The Colonel : "So poor old Mike has j committed suicide, has he ? Weil, I should have thought that would have been the last thing he'd have done." Tenant : " Which it j were, sor." I — The other day an excited individual accosted a street gamin with the question : " I say, boy, which is the quickest way for me to get to the railway station Z "—"" — " Run, Bir," was the response. — " Well, after the witness gave you a blow, what happened 1 " asked the counsel. "He gave me a third one," replied the prisoner. — " You mean a second one." — " No, Bir ; I landed him the second one." : Doctor : " I am exceedingly proud of the fact, Miss Chips, that since I have been in practice I have not lost a single patient." Miss Chips: "How sad, doctor I And will the poor people never get better ? " — " Ye?," taid the cannibal king, " it must he true that this is a bad climate. The natives do not notice it, but visitors do. Why, six missionaries have died this last year." — " Of what ? "—"" — " Consumption." HIS ROYAL CRYNESS. I used to call my wife ruy " queen," W6ich properly entails A title on my infant, so I c«ll him "Prince of Wails." — His Wife : " And you are to defend that shoplifter?" Young Barrister: "My dear, she isn't a shoplifter. She may have been formerly, but she has saved go much money in the last 10 years that she has become a kleptomaniac." — Professor (lecturing) 1 "Oxygen, gentlemen, is essential to all animal existence; there could be no life without it. Strange to say, it was not discovered until a century ago, when " Student t " What did they do before it was discovered, professor 1 " — " Jane," said Mr Fogey, " I want to warn you not to buy me cigars for my birthday present." — "Why, dear?" she asked meekly. — " Because if you do," he said with determination, " I warn you that I'll go off and buy you a bonnet of my own selection."