FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2254, 13 May 1897, Page 43

FUN AND FANCY.

— A girl always wonders whether a man will propose to her anything after the fashion of the hero in her favourite novel. — Mrs Wellmont i " Poor fellow, have you no friends ? " Begg'/r (sobbing) : " No, leddy : I hain't not nuthin' but relatives." — " I'm looking for a hußband," said Miss Giddey candidly. " Well, you needn't think you can get mine," replied Mrs Bloobumper. — Gobbleton : " And so they W6re happily married ? " Mrs G-obbleton (reading novel) : II Yes ; each of them married somebody else." jr — Jack : " I've got a good joke to tell you." Ben : " Kindly go over there and tell it to • Splinters. You know how I hate that man." — Society Is composed of two great classes — those who have more appatite than dinner, and those who have more dinner than appetite. — Richard : " How are you and Miss Smarte getting on 7 Does she smile on your suit ? " Robert : " Smile on it 1 She actually laughs at it ! " ♦ — Rich Old Maid : "Do you love me, Alfred 1 " Alfred (enthusiatically, but truthfully) : " Love you ? Why, my darling, love isn't thename for it 1 " —To Begin With. — " My darling,' 7 he said, "we shall have a deal to contend with when •we are married." " Yes, dear," she replied sweetly, " we shall have each other." — Mrs -Youngwoman wants to know " Which ia the best way to mark table linen 1 " — Leave the baby and a blackberry pie alone at the table for three minutes. j — " Why, Frankie," said his v mother, " what j are you reading in that book about bringing i up children?" — "I'm just looking to see j •whether I'm being properly brought up." j — Pedestrian (to footpad) : " Money or my life, ia it 1 I was wondering how I was going to live »th/ough this week. Now I won't have to. Very kind of you. Shoot away." — When we are children we brag about our parents ; when we geir-to be young men and young women we brag about ourselves ; when we become older we brag about our children. — Swellington (at the soiree) : " I wonder if that plain woman over there is really trying to flirt with me ? " Cooler (politely) : 11 1 can easily find out, sir, by asking her. She's my wife." — Young Hopeful : " I had a fight yesterday with the boy next door." Father : " Ye?, bis father called at my office to-day about it." Young Hopef nl : " I hope you came out as well as I did." — Woman of the World (to youthful admirer) : " You seem to know a great deal about married life. Are you married 1 " Youthf al Admirer (with a blase air) : " No ; but my father Is." — Mrs. Mann (meeting her former servant): "Ah, Mary, I suppose you are getting better wages at your new place 1 " Mary : " No, mam ; I'm working for nothing now — I'm married." — Too Much for Him. — Daughter: " George says he fears he can't support me in the style I'm accustomed to." — The Father : " Marry him, anyhow. I can'fc keep it up much longer myself." - — Bobby • " I don't want to bother you, dad ; but, really, I'd like to know " Dad : "Well, what?" Bobby: "How ifc happens that baby fieh don't get drowned before they've learned to swim ? " — Magistrate : " Do you mean to say such a pbysicil wreck as he is gave you that black eye ?"" Complaining Wife : " Shure, yer honor, he wasn't a physical wreck till after he gave me th' black eye ! " — A servant was asked if she was likely to remain long in her new place. ■" Thanky, yes," said she. " I think lam likely to stay some time ; the missus is a puffecb lady, and don't know a broom from a dish-cloth." — The Secret of It. — Visitor : " I never saw such an obedient, willing boy as your ; little son is. No matter what task you set for him, he goes at it as cheerfully as if it was play. How he loves to please you 1 " Host : •' There'll be a circus in town next week." i — "Well, little chap," said the stranger in the family, picking up one of the children, "what are you going to be when you're a man?" "Nuffin," saioL the child. "Nothing? Why so?" asked the stranger. "Because," said the child, " I'm a little