PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2242, 18 February 1897, Page 3

PASSING NOTES.

(From Saturday s Daily Times.) My felicitations are, by these presents, conveyed to the Honourable David Pinkerton. We are assured that Men may rise on stepping stonea Of their dead selves to higher things, — and the principle holds good politically as well as morally. On the stepping stone of his dead political self of December 4 Mr Pinkerton rose, just two months later, to a higher thing than mere membership of the Honße of Representatives. And the manner of the ascent was quite in accordance with the genius of the New Zealand democracy. The electors eaid to Mr Pinkerton, "We don't want you," — but what is the verdict of the electors in comparison with Mr S'ddon's smallest word? If only a willing Gjvernor could be found, the Premier would assuredly raise all defeated " Liberal " candidates to the Upper House without the Bhadow of a scruple. He would feel that the end justified the means and that he was conferring a mighty boon upon the country, — which, being interpieted, is the great Liberal party. But I came to magnify Mr Pinkerton, not Mr Seddon. I cannot but think that Mr Pinkerton is an exceptionally fortunate man. He belong*. I take it, to the third of the three famous categories. Not born to greatness, it can hardly be said that he has achieved it greatness has been thrust upon him. Previous to 1890 fame had in no wise marked him for her own. "Who the d is Pinkerton 1 " most of us asked when the names of the candidates were'announced. (" That d means nothing worse than Heuoe" as Lamb used to say). But this mysterious newcomer headed the poll, and he repeated the performance in 1893. And now, after at length experiencing defeat, and getting the substantial solatium of £130, honour is again thrust upon him — Why ? Well, I Bhould say, because, id tne first place, he is an extraordinarily lucky fellow, while, in the second place, he has always voted at his party's call. Slo itur ad mstra !

French done Into English .is common enough and sometimes it is very amusing. An eruption of it iB now appearing In Punch, and Mark Twain's rendering of "The

Jumping Frog" from French back to English is very funny. Theee re-translations, however, are too literal sometimes, and then they overdo it. For instance, one correspondent writes to the Textile Mercury giving vent to his exultation over the return of Major M'Kinley to the Presidency of the United State*. He writes from the " Wood of Boulogne," and proceeds thus : — The good health to the bray' g^r.erale rnackinley ! In fine the textile industries are i delivered ef the suspense which has held them too long. The preparatory scrutiny of the 3rd Nov bro has giveo mackinley a majority which the foresight of the most optimists had not dared to hope. The Chevalier of Silver, ■where goes be ? His I earns are crushed — what ' you English call rout — and with his defeat disappears 'ii jamais,' for ever, this formidable peril of the free strike of white metal, which menaced to plunge the United States, and by counter stroke, Europe, into a crisis financial and commercial of the extreme gravity. But the President-elact is not to assume that the defeat of the Silverites means liberty to do as he likes. He is warned to remember that In effect he owes the crushing majority at election to the assistance of the democrats of the health money, partisans of the duties more moderate, and who have sacrificed these preferences and their interest to a general superior interest. In reality the tariff question has been relegated to the rear, and the vote of the 3rd Nov vro may be considered a plebiscite »p,ain»t this chimera menaejMite of the free strike of silver. It is not the Republican triumph ; ifc is the triumph of awakened conscience ! Mr. mackinley he will expose himself to the cruel re>.-il if he wish the exploit of protectionism and his personal idea. France, she is of the protectionists, but the protectionism abroad — it is the other thing ! The accuracy with which the writer has hit the blot of " protectionism abroad " is so great that I am sorry I did not see the paragraph sooner, so thai Mr Seddon might havt cut it out and pasted it in his hat for use at the Premiers' Conference.

For some reason I was not invited to join the party which on Monday went down in the Plucky to see the sand pump refuse to work. This is an omission which I trust the acting-secretary of the Harbour Board will duly note, for the public interest demand* that the vigilant eye of " Civis " should be directed towards all public functions. As to this sand pump, it appears to be an extremely erratic mechanical contrivance. Somo days it periorms prodigies oE suction. No one who knows Mr Mackorras would suspect him for a moment of exaggeration, yet he told the Chamber of Commerce that the pump sucked up an iron wheel 15 inches in diameter, and Buch was the incredible force with which v> was sucked that it actually forced its way through a pipe 10 inches in diameter Etefybodyoughttobe thankful that the pump sometimes refuses to work, for if it continued with such voracity its occupation would soon be gone and the bottom would be sucked out of the harbonr. The pump was in one of its recalcitrant moods when the party visited it on Monday, but when it' is in really good going order great stories are told of its drawing power. Orpheus C. Kerr, a funny American writer who flourished about the time of the war, tells a Btory of a commissariat officer who served ou; lead pencils to the soldiers so that they might draw their rations. Perhaps if the sand pump were located near the entrance to the harbour it might draw a greatly increased trade to the Port. Surely that would not be more difficult than causing Mr Mackerras and other persons usually unimaginative to seriously relate the incident of the fiftseninch iron wheel.

Great is the mystery of tuft-hunting and its accompaniments. An English newspaper announces that a British diplomatist and an American millionaire are striving to outbid eaoh other for the possession of a certain " priceless pane " at an hotel in Wiesbaden. Upon this oane of panes the Czar, the Kaiser, the King of Greece, and the K\ng of Denmark have cut their royal names with their royal diamond rings. Pall diplomatist — pull millionaire I I can picture the utter, hopeless misery of the unsuccessful bidder, the deep, abiding blessedness of the triumphant purchaser. As to the latter, indeed, Oalverley has already described his feelings in the story of the cherrystones which once dallied with the teeth of Royalty itself. Lightly the spoonfuls entered That mouth on which the gaze Of ten fair girls was centred In rapturous amaze. i Soon that august assemblage clear'd , The dish ; and — as they ate — j The atones, all coyly, reappear'ci

And wuen his R lyat Highness - Withdrew to take the air. Waiving our natural nhyncsp, We (iwoop'd upon his chair. Policemen at our garments clutch'd : We mock'd those feeble powers ; And goon the treasures that had touch'd Exalted lips were ours ! Let Parliament abolish Churches and St*tes and Throries : With reverent hand I'll polish Still, *till my cherrystones ! A clod — a piece ot orange-peel— An end of a cigar, — Once trod on by a princely heelHow beautiful they are ! And how much more beautiful a window pane upon wnich no less than four roigning sovereigns have scratched their names I Still, it may be that to the diplomatist and the millionaire there will come an occasional misgiving similar to that which visited the happy owner of the cherrystone?, who tells how once he saw the pen with which a duke had signed his name. " Great among geese," I faltered, ' ' In she who grew that quill ! " And, Deathless Bird, unalter'd Is mine opinion still. Yet Bomtt : mts, »s I view my three Stones with a thought! ul brow, I think there possibly might be • E'en greater geese than thou. I

I am not a person who gambles. Even ' that innocent form of gambling practised at ! church bazaars, whioh consists of plunging one's hand into a tub of bran (having previously paid one nhilling for the privilege), has do charm for me. Nevertheless 1 am willing to wagsr a small sum that Mr • Seddon goes Home in response to Mr Chamberlain's invitation. Nothing could be ' easier. All that has to V>a done is to convoke Parliament and pais supply before the end of the financial year. There are some who talk about the necessity for paesiug a few bills, bnt there really is no such necessity. What this country wants is a rest from bills, j Who was it that proposed that Parliament should be abolished for four or five years, and the business of the colony carried on by three or four commissioners? Whoever it was, he deserves to have inscribed on the pedestal of hi* statue a legend similar to that on Mr Ballnnce'a — «• He loved the people." Mr John M'Kenzie(with Mr Ward to advise him) could act as Premier and Treasurer for a few months with-the urbanity for which he is noted. The departments really run themselves, and only want letting alone. It would be necessary for Mr Seddau | to have voted for his expenses a respectable, even a thumping sum. Not that he really want* it, for he is reported to have recently | grown amazingly ricb, but for the sake cf I appearances. Let us .only think of the "honour that would be reflected upon us. Not a heart in this colony that would not j throb with pleasure, not an eye that would not moisten, not a cheek that would not glow, as our own Richard arose, flushed and triumphant, after receiving the royal accolade and being dubbed Sir Richard. Perhaps even greater honours are in store for him. We may even see a Lord Kuaiara.

A correspondent sends me an extract from a speech recently delivered by one Captain Chaloner, who represents West Wilts in the House of Commons. I am inclined to conjecture that the electors of West Wilts are somewhat easily satisfied in the matter of representation, but doubtless there are constituencies in New Zealand concerning which a similar remark might be made. I am asked to transcribe the extract " by way of warning and preparation to those members who ' were elected for the first time on Dacember^." I willingly comply, — the more willingly, if the truth is to be told, because we are in the heart of the silly season and "subjects" ara scarce. Thus, then, Captain Chaloner, M.P., to his delighted constituents :—: — There was one bill — the Agricultural Produce Marks Bill — which would always have for him a peculiar interest, because it was upon that bill he made his maiden attempt at speaking in the Houteof Commons. He should never forget it. They all knew how nervous he was — (laughter) —and how shy— (renewed laughter) — and how difficult it was for him to make a speech; therefore they could imagine on that occasion how doubly shy and nervous he was. He knew he was particularly nervous, and he did not like it at all. When, at last, after rising two or three times, the Speaker's eye was turned to him — he had no idea what an awful eye it was until then— and he heard his name called out in what he then regarded as most cruel tones, and, as he thought, every eye in the House turned upon him, he would have given 50 sovereigns to have been able to bolt out of the House of Commons and not go back again. — (Loud laughter). r ~_\ the new jnwabsx read and tremble,

It is not Mr Gully alone who has an awful eye : Sir Mnurice O'Rorke's gaze has terrors peculiarly its own. It must be conceded, however, that those terrors are usually reserved for old members — hardened offenders, grown grey in the oacoetlies loquendi To the novice, the callow parhamoutary youngster, Sir Maurice is the eoul of tenderness. Moreover, nervousness is not the'weak point of New Zealand parliamentarians, he ■ they new or old. Rather are they naturally endowed with an ingenuous readiness, a ', patriotic boldness, to which an enemy might ' give a more equivocal designation. So that, ', altogether, my correspondent's warning, as : conveyed in the case of Captain Ch&loner, i<j perhaps superfluous. Civis.