PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2240, 4 February 1897, Page 38

PASSING NOTES.

(From Saturday's Daily Times.) Thebb is a beautiful persistency, a perennial fervour, about the celebrations of the Dunedin Burns Oiub which (to borrow the language of the pulpit) appeals to the finest instincts of our fallen nature. Week in, week out, from morn to night, You can hear his bellows blow. As with the village blacksmith, so with the Burns enthusiast. You never find him wanting. He knows not weariness in the good cause, and though he bad married a wife or lost a father, he would still come. And when I say "he " my " he," of ooune, embraceth •' she " — or should it be " her " ? For, as Mr Soobie Mackenzie observes in his happy way, "no woman was ever known to run away from poor Barne." The lasses of to-day love him ia the spirit, in a more shadowy but scarcely lets sincere fashion than their great-great-grandmothers loved bis corporeal self. He bad, and has, such a way with him. Th«y still hear him singing out of the bygone century in honour of the whole sonMe sex. But this it a digression ; I was praising the zeal of the Barns Club as a whole — braw lads, like Mr Fergus, as well as bonnie lasses. No occasion, as I said, comes amisa to them. Six months ago they shed hilarious tears (if the paradox may be pardoqed) on the anniversary of the poet's death ; on Monday, with the fidelity that never failath, they glorified his birth. It would be all the same if the two anniversaries fell on successive days. There would be two celebrations, and the devotees of Barns would give thanks to the kindly providence that had ordered comings .and going* so wisely and so well. And-apart from these, great functions there are the monthly meetings — the black-letter holydays, so to speak, when the worship is less gorgeous bat not a whit less fervent. It is a mighty fact, this Burns enthusiasm, and who shall say that the future is not with it t Prohibition may come lv tha Rev. Mr Walker tall* wrt

with tha twentieth osntury, but Willies peck o'.mapt will still be browed to remind a new generation, fon o' drouth, of the 'leal joys their sires knew. Parliaments may be abolished, but we'll still be noddin', old, Did, noddln', at our House at the Burns Club.

This is the era of Scottish humour — so the president of the Burns Club (perhaps somewhat gratuitously) informs ns. I am acquainted with dull Southrons who pray that the era may not be unduly prolonged. To their vitiated palates J. M. Barrie is tasteless, while the literature of the kailyard gives them a pain. Needless to Bay, lam not of this unholy band. I am not ashamed to confess in the hearing of all men that I have just read Sentimental Tommy and eke Kate Carnegie with keen pleasure. Tommy, I should say, come* very near being a great ttory, and Kate ia charmingly humorotin from beginning to end,— fall of such sayings a« that of the lamonticg widow whom the minister has almost managed to console when she c&tche3 sight of the dear departed's breeks dangling in painful tenuity. She .bursts out once more with the tragic cry, " Toome brooks tae me noo 1 " Alas 1 that both lan Maclared and I should feel it incumbent on us to cote that " toome," beiug interpreted, it " empty." Doubtless there ara Sootsmeu who' '"joke ■wi' deeficulty," ju»fc as there are English-, men and Irishmen who joke not at all, yet do not necessarily belong to the- criminal classes. As regards Sydney Smith's too famous reference to the surgical operation, Mr was a bold mm to make even Fcouting mention of the absurdity at Monday's celebration. The idea is really too ridiculous. Take a cane. Dunedin if, broadly speaking, a Scottish aommunity. Have I, Civif, been performing surgical operations all these years? Or must I suppose that my life has been wasted, and that (say) Sir Robert Stout has never appreciated the true inwardness of my unwearied attentions ? If it takes a surgical operation to get a joke into a Scottish head, well may I talk of vanity and vexation of spirit when I review the history of this column. Bat perish the devastating thongbtl Mr Thornton's remark may perhaps be regarded as an instance of that apologetic habit to which Scotsmen and especially the devotees of Burns have always betna shade too prone. True, the habit ia not usually observable when the evening's proceedings have grown mature. Perhaps it goes with the third cup o' kindness, sometimes giving place — shall I say ? — to the nonapologetic extreme.

What time the clouds of incense were going out from the Garrison Hall, Burnt himself, from bis throne in the Octagon, may have taken a distant interest in the visible signs of another meeting. That same Monday night 'witnessed the annual wrestle of the members of the Dunedin Atbenseam and Meohanics' Institute. ' The performance takes place in " the lower ball "—-a kind of Ootagon oatacomba, I believe, though never have I ventured to explore those subterranean depths. As regards the wrestle itself, it cannot be questioned that the reformers ar« gaining upon their, opponents, fond believers in the good old rule, the simple plan That they should get who have the power, And they should keep who can. Indeed, possesied of that lode-star of prohibitionist hopes, a bare majority, the reformers would have carried the day on Monday.. Moreover, Mr Downie Stewart — no contemptible ally — has very nearly alighted on the progressive side of the rail. Tet again, Mr Solomon, who has a pretty little gift of inolsive irony, has taken up the question of the mechanics — a question big with sarcastic possibilities. "To call their institution a Mechanics' Institute was the wildest nonsense. No one ever saw a mechanic in it." Contradicted on this point, Mr Solomon conceded that a retired mechanic might occasionally be fonad, but a working mechanic never. And se the discussion proceeded, vigorous insistence on one side, pained surprise, and "thrawn" stubbornness on the other. Burns, as I have hinted, may have caught sight of these, studious belligerents as they came and went ; and, by the way, a tale bangs to this question a« to how Barnß was passing his. time on Honday night. There are still a few stern truo blue Presbyterians who have not bowed the knee to rantin', rovin' R>bin. On* of these — a. fine old Covenanter of his school — was urged by a friend to give a look in at the Garrison Hall. Firm refusal was followed by repeated invitation, until at last the old fellow clinched the matter with this terrible qa«ry, attend in a tone worthy of Knoz: "Man, tvhere's Burns the nicht ? "

A man of my acquaintance, speaking about the recent weather, oomplained very muoh of the effect it bad upon his health. He ooald eat " all right," he said, and he could sleep " all right," bnt the moment b« began to work he perspired awfully. I adtissd him to consult a medical man without delay, bnt be said he guessed he'd worry along somehow. My friend is shockingly vernacular sometimes, and whenever it happens to be an unusually warm day, though he does not quote that wish of Sydney Smith, that he could take off his fhsh and sit down in his bones — my friend Is too conscientious to trot out a venerable chestnut like that, — in bis shocking, unconventional way he reckons the natives of Fiji have invented the most pleasant way of passing a hot day. They procure a large melon, and out it in tbrse parts. They sit in the bottom part, pat the top piece on their head, and they eat the middle. At least so says my unconventional, but, I am afraid, nntravelled friend. One would like to know how Mr Faulin spends these hot days. Secure in his aerial fastness at Opobo, he caa look down with cynical contempt upon the mortals below who havebeen misguided enongh to believe that electrical disturbances were imminent, and have made sartorial arrangements accordingly, only to grant and sweat and fardels ' bear in the shape of waterproofs and umbrellas. Besides all this discomfort we are dlf quieted by the wail of th« small draper whose goods arc rained by the dast. The streets are everything that is bad. The material with whioh they are covered is of such a nature that it tarns to mad or dast on the slightest protocatlpn, and, jrben it U

hot and dusty as well you are reminded of the Yankee who said that if he owned Bonrke and the place which ihall b« unmentionable, lm guessed he'd lease Bonrke. If Mr Panlin's prophecies ware invariably correct we should say the same of Dunedin.

Mr Seddoo will have himself to blame if be meets with disaster. I warned him a fortnight ago that he had almost reaohed the limits of his hearers' credulity, and I told him that incredulity about that pigeon stery was the handwriting on the wall. Yet we now find him assiduously spinning fairy yarns to reporters, avid for "copy." lbs reporter, be it understood, is soulless. It doesn't matter to him whether it is a dog fight or a sermon, ft pbilippio by Mr Fish or a threnody by Mr Wathen on the lost art of winning popularity. "It's copy, anyhow," be says, and sure enough down it goes. I am not sure whether Mr Seddon's doable "iatetrlew " is an indication that messieurs the reporters find it unusually difficult to prooare copy, or whether Mr Seddon himself lursd'the reporters into bis confidence for the pnrpose of firing a parting broadside into the organising Opposition. Thrioe is he armed that hath bis quarrel just, and "four times he who gets his blow in fast," sing* the. irreverent Yankee parodist; and the saying applies equally well to him who gets his blow in last. Far be it from me to - even approaoh levity, but I cannot refrain from remarking that even editors have been known to appraise at' its fall value the last word, and to profit by it. Mr Seddon may be ooneldertd*' a quasijourn&list, since rumour oredits him with a considerable share in the ownership of the Ministerial journal at Wellington, and all who ran may read and reoognis* the oloven foot of the Premier in the editorial column. The embarrassing part of suob a Connection is that the Premier must find it difficult to live up to the standard set for him by his journalistic faglemnn. He ought to have a nimbus at the very least. ~ Hciioe, perhaps, the frantic attempt hs made io Dunedin to assume a virtue even if be bad it not.

I am asked by a "poor wretch" of a teacher who is without the Otago fold to use my " powerful pea " in bis behalf because be is most " unmercifully shot out " of employment. Ha say* he holds high certificates and good testimonials, and th«s« are tha requisites for the Selection Committee, sino* that body is .not snpposed to be influenced in any other way. "Do they," -he Indignantly asks, " think that there are none as good as their own teachers 7 Why, th'% have mnfifs here as well as any when the. I could show them some of their own productions that couldn't be beaten. They, should try and understand that tb«y don't possets All the geniuses (or guli) in the world. Natmre - has kindly sprinkled torn* elsewhere/ ' Probably this is the reason why the Selection Committee baaJgnored my correspondent's claims. - It does ' not wish th« inferior Otago article to be brought into contrast with " getali "' from outside: If tha Selection ■" Committee w«ro ' invariably to seleot tne beßt teaohers for vacant positions its occupation would b« gone, for the' square pegs wonld soon get into the square holts, and changes would be unknown. Furthermore, the Selection Committee acts on the kindly Scotch principle of keeping " its sin fish guts for its am sea mews," and trespasser* are notified that there is no thoroughfare. Ido not see how my correspondent is to help himself — unless, itulaad, he mikes friends with the Mammon of tinrighteousness in the shape of Mr Ramsay or Mr MacGregor, who may be safely baoksd to support any man or Anything if only to gain a cry against the committee. My correspondent is not the only one craning his ntck over the wall and licking his lips in contemplation of the rich pastures within the enclosure. Let him content himself. He might not be so happy inside as he thinks. Let him again read the fable of the town mouse and the country mouse. Oivjb.

Mr J. W. Kelly, H.H R., has been grantied permission by Mr Pojnton, S.M., to pay election account", amounting to £4 16s 6d, which had oomo in a month after the date of the elections. If the following story be true it is apparent that Mr J. M. B«rrie would hare 1 gob on well in th« soolety of either Carlyle or TermySon. On one occasion he found himself sitting besida a literary celebrity, With whom he was well acquainted, At dinner. After the conventional salutation, Mr Barrio turned to his companion and asked, "Do yon feel like talking ? " '• No, Ido not," was the prompt reply. "No more do I," answered Barrie. And it is told of (he twain that neither exchanged a word with the other during the whole progress of the dinner. In an interview in the Idler, Phil May tells of a funny experience he had oa his return from his tour round the world for the Graphic. " When I osme baok I hastened to the office^ and imagine my gratification when I saw •vexjwhere resplendent banners bearing the insoription in large letter*, ' Welcome to May.' I tell you I was elated. ' This is indeed fame,' I thought, and when I got to the Grapnio office there was another inscription with flowers and ail the rest of it, ' Welcome ,to M. and G. The G. worried me a bib, but then the name of the man who went with me to do the letterpress commenced with G. I told the editor -of my gratification. 'Why, you idiot, you egotistical, egregious idiot/ he remarked, politely. ' it's nothing to do with a low artist fellow like yon. It's the marriage of Princa .George and Princess May !'" One cannot bub believe in these stories, sagely remarked his interviewer, when Me May |«Us them.

| The cteliciously funny narratire of the drunken heDS which, according, to the D*ily Hail, has jutt been told in- the Sheriff's Court at Obar, ; has gone the rounds of the papers. The wasU I products of a distillery were, ib will be r«rememberad, allowed to flow into * stream from which the fowls drank, with the remit that they were always intoxicated. They would neither eat nor lay ejrfi, but, after drinking, lay down and slept, and woke onlj to fight, and then to sleep againl Bat if the Oban hens' j behaviour was quite shookingly human under the circumstances (says the Globe), what will the thrifty Sootch say of tha shockingly In* human WMte of th« waste products of that distillery? Laggan Barn, as the whlskyed stream is called, will .surely new bsoome a popular objective for country walks. Jost a free and full drink from the purling stream,, and then to lie down and sleep, aud wake onbr fc» fisUW andthco^f sltep again 1

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