RESERVE.

Otago Witness, Issue 2205, 4 June 1896, Page 43

RESERVE.

We often strike a resentful note in onr orlfeicism of English visitors by exclaiming, " All these English people are so reserved t " evidently finding it a serious blemish on their ot'ier points of attraction. Yet "these English people" live in the very heart and

centre of all those influences to publicity and notoriety, in the press and otherwise, which we urge as an excuse for our utter ' absence of reserve. And here let me say that the " Reserve" under consideration is not coldaess of manner or chilliness of heart, but the reserve for which retioenoe is only another name — a quality whioh bids fair, speedily to become obsolete among up-to-date people. It is not without some hesitation that I take np this subject, not because I doubt the need of discussing it — quite the contrary ; rather is it that I doubt whether in the brief I space at my disposal I can touch on all the aspects of a question upon which so many friends have asked my opinion. First, we must remember that publicity is an integral part of the spirit of the age. Its growth has been inconceivably rapid, and its roots strike deep down into the very innermost recesses of our lives. The magazines and periodicals pander to the love of notoriety of the few and the insatiable ouriosity of the many by furnishing us with 11 illustrated interviews," " chats with celebrities," and kindred articles. In this sort of article the opinions, peculiarities, mode of life, and daily habits of the notabilities under notice are freely detailed, and their houses, furniture, dress, knick-knacks, and pets fully desctibed. Really great people consent to be "interviewed" by the representatives of high-class journals, and I often wonder by what motive they can be actuated. If they think at all about the matter they must know that in consenting to furnish forth so many columns for the interviewer they are pandering to one of the most snobbish developments of our time. Can it be that these great people are bitten with the paltry love of notoriety ? Is it possible that great poets, painters, authors, and scientists are not above considering the value of the free advertisement afforded by the interviewer 2 Lesser celebrities—men known only for their wealth, entertainments, or sporting achievements, second-rate authors and actors, and ttomen who pose as society beauties cat "g&>

vanoed ° faddist*, or who decorate the stages of music halls and variety entertainments-" furnish material for the exploiting interviewer of second-rate journals. Next come the ordinary doings of ordinary people as set forth in the now indispensable ladies' page and sooiety column of women's journals from " The Quean " downwards. Thus the vanity of one section of the community is gratified in feeding the cariosity of another. And in all this long sequence of existing customs, privacy, retioenoe, or reserve can find no place.

From the personal items which belong to the trade of the interviewer and the business of the sooiety correspondent, we come to the absolute lack of reserve which marlrj the choice of articles in our magazines and periodicals, and the entire absence of reticence whioh characterises the modem style of play. All these various expressions of the change in public taste of the mother country affsct vs — far removed as we are in on* narrow islaad home— very deeply. We like to be np to date j we pride ourgelws upon our capaoity to keep — despite all drawbacks—in the very forefront of the march of time. Thus it is that we follow with a keen* ness worthy of a better cauee the cult of up-to-dateness over innate conviction; of education over mere morality. Thus it is that we too are casting aside, little by little, the delicacies, the reticence, and the beautiful reserves of life, throwing open every detail of mental development and physical routine to the comment of oar little world.

All around me I hear people lamenting the ntter lack of reticence which marks the -up-to-date family. We live npon the hi)l-top with all the doors and windows open. The family jokes, Jthe family squabbles, the family income, the laughter, the sighing, and the tears are all publioproperty. One reason for this

Jack of privacy in colonial life may very likely be found in the life-long intimacies between families which characterise 'most of our small communities, The parents have fought through the ups and downs of colonial life aide by side, the young people have been playmates and companions since childhood. Yet, granting all this, I would ask - you if there is not a greater dignity, a higher and more delicate beauty, in the life and character of those few people who observe pome reticence in regard to their own concerns and who encourage in others the dignity of such reserve as is desired 2 We are, most of us, too ready to take the whole world into our confidence. Mother confides in her old j|iends the difficulties and the experiences in bringing up advanced daughters and up-to-date bobs. She tells all the follies and faults of her scapegrace son, or confides her annoyances with her obstinate husband, who " never will understand these things." The sons in their turn talk over the family weaknesses with their chums. They laugh at the mater's oldfashioned notions, smile cynically at her worship of " society," or wax indignant at her charitable crazes; they dilate on the | pater's irritability of temper and meanness of purse ; they rail again6t Tom, who is the favourite and "runs the whole show." All this is done quite simply, without the least sense of family loyalty dishonoured or highsouled reticence uprooted. The girls, too, have their confidante?, to whom all the family jars are repeated — notably any skirmishes with mother, whose hopeless attitude of " behind the times " is an unfailing grievance and subject for sympathy. The particular variation of temper and disposition, the special make of underolothing, the details of complaints and symptoms, the amount of money losses, the exact style of consequent economising — all this petty flood of detail, this torrent of grievances, which should be matter for family comment only, is poured forth into the wide stream of personalities upon which we depend more and more for our conversation and interest. There is such dignity in sllenop, *uch beauty in the fallacy o£ .reticence, nwfal a charo ta

womanly reserve, tnafc wo ibooid do well ta> Inculcate It In our Children— better still toj practise it ourselved. God grant that for." every one of us there is some dear friendj whose counsel we may take, whose sympathy!'' we may claim ; bat such friends are rare, andj mask be sought as patiently aa " much fiat ' gold."