FUN MD FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2181, 19 December 1895, Page 29

FUN MD FANCY.

— Doing right isn't as hard as getting credit for it. — A Saucy Bequest. — "Please pass the Worcestershire." — The weakest spot in every man is where he thinks himself to be the wisest. — Poverty is a heavy load, but the more there are to support it the heavier it is. — It is well to remember that some of the grapes we can't reach really art sour. — Turn your baok on borrowed trouble and you will be better prepared to face the real. — " This is two bad 1" exclaimed the tram conductor, when he received the second bad florin. — A man who is too wise to learn is in danger of foundericg in his own sea of ignorance. — She : " Her money is her only attraction." He : " Theu time will add interest to her charms." — A photographer has a way of taking things that would not be tolerated in any other lice of business. — It is remarkable bow easy it is to restrain your wrath when the other fellow is ever so much bigger than you. — Frank : •• Papa, when the flies walk on the ceiling, don't you Suppose they wonder how we haDg on by our feet ? " — Friend : " Your son, I understand, has literary aspirations. Does he write for money?" Father (feelingly): " Ucceasingly." — C,<ppsrtltild : " What will drive a man to drink more quickly than a nagging wife ? " Micawber : " Did you ever try a red herring?" — Obstinate.— Clara : "He is co Obstinate." Maude :" In what way 1 " Olara : " It's the hardest thiDg in the world' to convince him that I am always right." — '.' They say," said Podmore, " that it takes three generations to make a gentleinaD;". " Thafc.^replied Swiveller, " opens up a pleasant proapect for your grandson." —Ha (an undesired visitor) : " Nice dog, very I Have you taught it any new tricks sinca I was here last 1 " She (sweetly) : 41 Yes ; it will fetch your hat, if you wbiatle." — Micawber : " There was one thing I could buy as cheap at our seaside resort as I could at home." Oopperfitld : " What in the world was it 2 " Mloawber : " Postage stamps." — " Trotb," said a councillor at a committee meeting, " the state of our roads is a disgrace to the country. Could we not at least put our heads together and make a wood pavement ? " — Something to Look Forward To. — Fond Mamma (correcting her baby at table) : "Baby, I must really break you of thafc." Little Five-year-old : " Mamma, when baby 2b broke may I have his' eyes 1^ A NEGLECTED BIRD. Of robin and blackbird and linnet Spring poets write page after page ivi v Their praises are sounded each minute By prophet, soothsayer, and iage. But not since the stars sane together, Nor since the creation of men. Has anyone drawn » goose feather - In praise of the patient old hen. "— By Comparison. — Mrs Minks : " Isn't it queer that such a little bit of a country as England can rule such a vast amount of territory?" Mr Minke: "Well, I don't know. You're not very big yourself, my dear." — " Well, you know, Mr Winters," said Miss Rosebud airily, " a girl of 18 is quite as old as a man of Zl." " Oh, frequently," retorted Winters. " I know an eighteen-year-old maiden who wu bom v far back as 18621*

— It is a humiliating consideration for the most popolar man that, allowing him a circle of acquaintances of some 30,000 individuals, there still remain in the world about 1,445,920,000 who do not know or care a pin about him. ; — Dumley (to Townley) : " Townley, I understand that Jayeon referred to me yesterday as an old fool. I don't think that j sort of thing io right." Townley : " Why, of ! course, it ain't right, Dumley. You can't be ! more than 40 at the outside." In days of yore ' When maidens wore Side curl?, and prim sun-bonnet And hoops of steel Before their wheel They sat ; they now sit on it. They've chucked the skirt, And wear a shirfc They've borrowed from their paters l And where was seen The crinoline, Wear dainty knicks and gaiters 1