FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2179, 28 November 1895, Page 45

FUN AND FANCY.

— A cynic is a man who is disappointed baCause the world was nil made when he got here. — " What; is your idea of love, Mr Sinnick 7 " — " Three meals a day and well cooked." — When a man " help* " bis wife with her work *he has to drop what she ia doing to Wait on him. — "Bread may be the s^ff of life, but a saddle of matton makes the journey easier," Bays a philsopher. — The man who claims that the world owes him a living has usually no other assets worth mentioning. — •• Thank goodness," exclaimed the proprietor of th 9 livery st able, " they can't ÜBe Mcycles for funerals 1 " — H^rd as it is to climb up in the world, it racks us a good deal worse when we are obliged to climb down again. — In the Alps. — Guide : " Be careful here, Blr. It's dangerous. Last week a donkey was dashed to pieces down that precipice." — The mistake made by many is that they expect to teach by precept what they never would have learnt themselves except by experience. — Hitting Back.— She (having just rejected him) : •' But there are juit as good fish in the sea." He : *• That's jast it. I shall be going through this whole thing again & week from now." — " Are you married 7 " said the manager to a man who was looking for a situation. " No, sir." " Then I can't employ you. We find that married men know better how to obey than bachelors." — An actor, who was extremely Hgly, was playing a part in which a lady had to say to him, " Ah 1 sire, you change countenance." A wag in the pit cried our, " Lee him do so pray — don't stop him 1 " — Will : " Did yer hey a good time at the picnic 1 " Jim : " Great I Sis upset a beehive, pa fell from a tree when he was putting tip a swing, and ma burned her fingers making tea. It was immense 1 " —tl Now, Uncle Nad, isn't he just the sweetest little cherub ia the world 7 " " Well, I Lucy, I don't know much about cherubs, but as a speolmen of plain human baby, he is certainly a howling success." j — One More Duty.— First New Woman (at the club) : " Have you finished your social ( duties for the day, dear ? " Second New Womau : " Horrors I no. I feel that I really muit go home and call on my husband." — Solemn OH Uncle: " I hope, William, you have given some attention to the study of the beauties of Nature." Gay Nephew : 11 1 should rather say I have, uncle, for I've already been engaged half-a-dtzen timea." — "I have here a letter directed to the prettiest woman in the house," announced the chairman of a woman's rights meeting. Four reporters on the front seat were trampled to death in the rash for the platform. — They have a gcod joke just at present on a well-known lawyer who is noted for his absent-mindedness. He went up his own stairs the other day, and seeing a notice on his own door, "Bsck at two," sat down to wait for himself. — "I saw Mrs Shopper going into an auction sale last Monday. Isn't her craze for bargains extraordinary 7 "—"" — " Yea, indeed. I believe she could die happy if she knew she would be laid out on a bargain counter, and be buried as a remnant." — C/clist : - " I suppose your son goes in for athletics? Football, perhapa ? What is he 7 Half-back 1" Wheeler: "Half-back? No. You should see Jack once, and then you'd say he was all back. No ; Jack is no footballist; he's a bicycle stooper." — She (very plain) : " Look me in the face, sir I " He raised bis eyes timorously, until they were directed to her countenance. 11 Now, sir, deny, if you dare, that you married me for my money." "It must have been for your money," he faltered. — Auctioneer : " Tbis picture is by one of the old masters." Miss Elderly (decisively) : " I'm sure it isn't." Auctioneer (sarcastically) : " Well, madam, as I presume you were personally acquainted with the old masters and their works, I will not dispute your Word 1 " — Equally Successful. — A : " And of which variety is your wife — the clinging vine or the self-assertive? " B: " A little of both. When She wants a new dress or a new bonnet, she generally begins In the clinging-vine role ; if- that doesn't bring the money, then she changes to the self-atiertive ; and —well she Invariably gets the dress or the bonnet."

Chamberlain's Cough Remedy gives the best Satisfaction of any cough medicine I handle, and *s a seller leads all other preparations iv this market. I recommend it because it is the best medicine I ever handled for coughs, colds, and croup.— A. W. Bald ridge, Millecarille {U, for sale by all la&dinjz ckfiisiaftfc

THE FOUR-LEAFKD CLOVER, In summer time, when the King of Day A royal sky ruled over, On the slope of a verdant batik we lay— I and my own fond lov-r. Oh 1 swift were the hours that sped away As we Bought a four-leafed clover. Our hearts were sad tho 1 the sun was bright* For he whom my soul called lover Was bound on a ship by morning's light — To sail the main a rover. Wo sought and sought with all our might To find a four-leafed clover. Our hearts beat quick from the tender touch As our hands midst petals wander ; Our thoughts the <ame w*re burdened much With Now and dreadful Yonder. The mystic gem defied our clutch : But, oh 1 our hearts grew fonder. Like h bride in white was the hawthorn dressed, Her boughs w re daisies shading ; The golden gorse in its rocky nest With pcent the air waa lading ; Through the air a mold carolled rest To my love and his loving maiden. The sun on our Maoriland bent down, The west in pride was blushing ; Through a fleecy cluud like monarch crown Her beam? of light were gushing. We thought, when out* «un to its mist sinks down, Will our west have the same soft hushing? His heart was sad, my eyes were wet, With thoughts of a luckless rover. Our star of hope like the sun seemed sot 'Twixt I and my own fond lover ; But hope returned as our fingers met On the stem of a four-leafed clover. Duuedin, November 18. Naf.