WITTY REPLIES TO AWKWARD REMARKS.

Otago Witness, Issue 2173, 17 October 1895, Page 46

WITTY REPLIES TO AWKWARD REMARKS.

Comparatively few people are gifte-I with an intellect; so keen as to enaolo them to return, on tho spur of tho moment, witty answers to rem»rk3 or qoasiioQg which, sometimes, bad been batter left unsaid. Tru?, tnosfc of us ca.n think, whin the opportunity has passed, how easily we m'gtat have scored ng'lnst our adversary if wo had only cotishlwred a lkble baforo reptyiug; but Una only shovrs what very ordinary mortals we are.

A good example of ready wit, but qnlte devoid of innocence intent, was the auswer given by an old Baptist minister to a newly11 'dged young rector, who was imbued with the highofit of High Church idea?. Tbo two were introduced by the host at a bocial gathering of local gentry, and the churchman, on grasping hands with the B iptiftt, blandly observed with a patronising air: " I am very glad to shake hands with you a 9 a gentl«unn, Mr B ; but, you know, I cannot admit that you are a e'ergyman."

" For my par-",' re-pnnde'i the other, with equal fcuavity of manner, "I am happy to greet you as a clergj man, but I am sorry I cannot a« a. gentleman," and the lesson thus sharply given was probably not lost upon the yonngyr man. Bui to tell a man in the midst of an assembly largely composed of lords and ladies that he is a hog, without nctuallj making uae of a single <ff-n?iva word, is an achievement which few could hope to perform. Yet this is what Rjthechild is reported to have done some years ago.

It so happened that he was surrounded by nruny men of learning, and wa3 conversing with one who alwayß allowed his detestation of everything Jewish to overcome ordinary good manners and common politeness. OommentiDg upon the beauties of a place which this gentleman of standing and position had visited in his travels, he so far forgot himself as to add to one of hia remarks : " And I was informed, too, that there are neither Jaws nor hogs to be found there 1 "

ic was an unpardonable affront under such circinnrftanceH, and the great financier doubdess felt that it merited a stiDging retort, for he immediately responded : " Is that really so, sir 1 Then you and I should certainly pay that spot a visit. We should be great curiosities." For a maD, however, to turn a satire uttered by a lady dead against herself, demandß not only that the circumstances shouli absolutely call for reproof, but that tbe reprover should po<Bssu in tho tu^hunt degree tbequali'ie3 which go to make a wife of the first water.

The son of an English earl, staying in Vienna, was one evening at a grand dinner, to which also bad been invited some of the most distinguished ladies and gentlemen of that city. Oae of the ladies, noted even amongst her intimate friends for saying shrewd but ungracious things, considered the Englishman worthy of her somewhat anabat-

rasoing observation*, and smilingly asked him (the opportunity haying presented itself) how it was that the English people generally spoke French so indiffarently, " Why, my lord," 'she added, encouraged by the smiles of some of the other?, "we Auetrians use that tongue with tha same freedom as we do our native language." "Madam," was the biting rejoinder she had little anticipated, "I can only accntmi fox it by the fact that you have twica enter* tamed the French army in your capital, and we h-ive never permitted them to enter ours 1 " Ab tbo first performance ol DomaaV " fitrangere," everybody appeared to be mo pre» oconpkd and wore such a serious coont«n> ance that the late Marshal Canrobert, who happened to be present, remsxkad rh» and inquired the reason. Ifcidama Btohan-, ft is recorded, acssnured : "We are on the eve of a great battle, md I sapoosa fearsffaofs us as yoa sec-." ul< ear 1 " the marshal said, looking round with a puzzled oil. M.\dame Brohsn immediately summoned an attendant and briefly said: "Tioardv a dictionary for the marshal." A neater or wittier compliment in tower words it would be almost impossible to beat. It was a lady, too, who ventured to publicly reprove a well-known London society man for bis over-fondness of good living. Aa usual, Che gentleman roads himself conspicuous by tha appetite ho diuplayed at a dinner to which he and or,hern of tbe "upper ten" had been invited. To make matters worse he was sufficiently unwise, or thonghtless enough, to attempt, to excuse himself with the remark thufc, " In eating well I praise the food," thereby using a woll- known quotation. It was an opportunity not to bo lost by the somewhat disgusted and witty lady sitting at his elbow, " Really, 31r," she observed with a swaot smile, " you should not carry praiue to the point of fl.jtt.ery."