FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2161, 25 July 1895, Page 45

FUN AND FA NCY.

-De Oloverleigh i " How does old Soak manage to keep his youth bo well ? " Oholly : u He preserves it in alcohol." — "He gives twice who gives quickly." ¥es ; because they oome round later on and Bother him for another sabicription. — Dobcon : "Can your daughter play the piano ? " Subbube (wearily) ; " I don't know whether she can or not, but she does." — It is enrious how a woman who soreams at the Bight of a mouse is not startled at a millinery bill that makei a man tremble. *' I love you with a love that burns,"_ ge cried. Then said Maria : it a love that will get up Each morn and light the fire ? " — Fiona Resignation. — " Yes, mam, I 'ad & 'aid winter— but, thank the Lord, there was a many as bad as me and wub." — Moonshine. — Mrs Hushmore : " You'll have to settle Uj> or leave." Hardup Boarder : " Thanks, awfully. The last place I was at they made me do both." I —.Penelope : " Yon wouldn't marry a girl for her money, would you 1 " Jack Daßhing : "2To; but I couldn't let a girl Buffer because she was rich." Ye weary poet now sits down, And grinds out Bonnet after sonnet ; For well he knows his wife will soon s- Be asking for that new spring bonnet. — Wigga (quotiDg) : "' There's nothing like leather,' you know, old boy." Waggs : " Isn't there, though ? You never caw any of the pie-crusts that our new cook turns out." — " You seem to have all the late novels, Jimson. What do you think of them 7 "— " I haven't read them yet," answered Jimson; "my wife is reading them to see if they are fit for me." — A maiden writes : " Can you tell me how to change the colour of my hair, which all the young men tell me is ' red ' 1 " Certainly we can. Get rioh ; they will then j call it golden or auburn. — Little Boy : "Mr Podmore cornea here j pretty often, doesn't he. Does he come to . see you?" Maiden Aunt: " Te, he 1 Perhaps he does." Little Boy : " P'i'aps he wants you to adopt him.' — Hoax : " I see they have a new name for those high buildings which are being erected." Joax : •• Indeed 1 What is it ? " Hoax: "They are called serial building*, because they are continued storeys." — She : "It must have been' an awful Btorm to blow away the lighthouse." Cholly : "Terrible, my dear ! But it 'could only have been through carelessness that there was a lighthouse in such an exposed placs." ALL POWERFUL. He who love-, and loves in vain Think 3he will not love again ; Bails at woman and her wile:— And loves the next time woman smiles. — "Loafirgton, why don't you go to work and earn a living ? ' — •' My dear Smith, what's the use ? I tried it once for a very little while, and no sooner did I earn a pound than I had to spend it. So I gave it" . np." — "I wouldn't swear like that," said the kind-looking old lady mildly. " Bless your Boul, ma'am, you oonldn't. It takes years o' cab-drivin' to* oome anywheres near it," responded the cabby, whose horse was refusing to go. — Old Gentleman: "Do you think, sir, that you are able to support my daughter without continually hovering on the verge of bankruptcy,? " Suitor : " Ob, yes, sir, lam sure I can." Old Gentleman : " Well, that's more than I can do. Take her and be happy." — A mother, In commending her daughter -to a situation, was at>ked if she was an early riser. "An early riser ! " she exclaimed. " I should think so 1 Why, she's up in the morning and has breakfast ready and makes all the beds before anyone else is up in the house 1 " — "I had a lorg- argument with Digby this mornirg," said the controversial man, " and I convinced him."—" So he told me." — " Ha 1 He acknowledged it to you, did he ? " — "Yes. ■ He said he'd rather be convinced than talked to death any day." — Just the Difference. — The other day a young lady asked a gent leman friend how old he was. "Twenty-six," he answered. " Why, you are older than 1 1 " she exclaimed in a surprised tone. " Probably that's because I get a year older every year." — " There Is no use io making enemies," said the prudent man. "There are times when even the friendship of a dog is valuable." "That is true," replied young Lovemore. "I've been-tryiDg for six weeks to make friends with the dog that resides in the home of the dearest girl in the world." — When Women Rule.—" Have you been able to catch the Speaker's eye ? " asked the first lady legislator. " Have 11" rejoined the second legislator. "Well, rather. I wore my navy blue bengaline with the heliotrope sleeves, and the Speaker couldn't keep bis eyeß ofi me." — Imperial Life — At Breakfast — Czarina (coming in to breakfast) : " Good morning, my dear vitch ! Czar : " Good morning, scoff ! " Czarina : " Allow me to congratulate you upon your escaping assassination during the night 1 " Czar: '.'Thankaki 1 Will you please taste the Coffee to see if it is poisoned ? " Her lipa said " No," But her eyes said " Yes" J, By which did I go? Ah ! can't you gue3B? No sweet caress Did I omit ; For her eyes aaid " Yes," And " the ayes had it ! " — Wasted on Him. — The wayworn man had fallen in the street in a very good gwoon. The usual crowd gathered and the usual, man- who-knows- what- to-do shouted : «' Stand back 1 and give him air." The wayworn man got up. " Air ! "said he with fine scorn. "Air! When I ain't had nothin 1 but air for three days 1 "

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