Chapter V.

Otago Witness, Issue 2130, 20 December 1894, Page 9

Chapter V.

" I should die I I should die 1 "

At 9 a.m. the following morning Captain Foreyth drove up to the door, and after a tearful parting with Jess Hawkston climbed Into the buggy, and they started on their journey to catch the steamer again at Qneenstown. As they passed the paddook of wheat which Dunoan M'Lean was then cutting, Hawkston stopped the trap, and getting through the fenoe, walked aoross th« stubble covered with sheaves to the spot where the farmer and hii son were at work, and waited until the back delivery — whloh the father was driving, whilst his son Will was tilting — came up to him.

" Good-bye, Mr M'Lean, and thank you very much for all your kindness to a poor Invalid."

" Hoots 1 Nonsense, mon ! " returned the farmer. "We ha'e been weel paid, ye ken, and ye need sa« nae mair o' thanks."

" Well, I shall always consider myself your debtor for the kindness you have shown me, and now, again, farewell. Perhaps we may meet again sooner than we expect. The world after all is but a small place. Goodbye " ; and so saying he hastened back to the buggy. " The Lord be thanklt that he has gone at lastl" said Will M'Lean, "and I hope we may never see hia ugly mug again." " Nae, nae, lad 1 " said old Duncan, he is no that ugly ; but I, too, am glad he has gone before any mischief cam' o' his reesit."

"Aye," muttered Will, "if the mischief hasna been doon a'ready," and then they went on with the harvest. For some time Captain Forsyth talked of his trip — of Mount Cook and its glaciers: the Hermitage, and the pleasant days he had there Epent ; of the Otira Gorge and its magnificent scenery until be saw that Hawkston had recoveied himself, and then he quietly said: " Well, old man, and what Is the meaniDg of it all 1 " "Meaning of what?" " Why, your evident distress, old man, and that tearful face at the window."

After a few minutes' thought, Hawkston replied : " Well, I'll tell you all about it. I intended to do so all along." Captain Forsyth listened patiently and attentivalv ta hia tale: his lover's zh&DßO-

dies; anticipation of future delights— and then he spoke. He pointed out the pain and distress which Hawkston would cause his mother and sUters. How couli they receive and welcome to their hearts a girl who, no matter how lovely or virtuous, was after all but a servant. He impressed on him his duty to his class and to society. Noblesse oblige, even if his heart was torn to pieces no~v, and her heart was half broken now. It would be better for them both that it should be so than after a few short months or weeks of bliss to find that they had made a mistake I— that they were through birth, upbrirjglng, and association totally and immutably different in thoughts, manners, and views— that, like oil and water, they oould never mix and amalgamate I What then would be their position 1 Too late to change, —it would be a living death to both. Better, far better, to undergo the pain now, than regret it afterwards with estrangement, grief, and perhaps hatred in their hearts 1 " Oh, my boy, lam older than you. I have seen more of the world, and have seen what comes of unequal marriages. Think of it, Hawkston I Think of what I Bay and don't mar your life, her life, and the lives of your mother and sisters by a hasty and ill-consi-dered union which, once made, can never be undone."

Nothing more was said just then; the drive to Queenstown was almost in silence. Now and again he dropped a few words to the same effeot, and the following morning showed that they had not been thrown away. Hawkston spoke more of hii mother and lest of Jess, until at lost the captain ventured to suggest that instead of staying at Dunedin they should press on to Lyttelton and catch the direct steamer Kaikoura which was to sail in a oouple of days.

"But how can I leave Jess like that" muttered Hawkston, " without a word of explanation? It would be a blackguardly thing to do." " It is the best thing you can do," replied the captain. "Of course she will think you a blackguard, but so much the better — the sooner will she oast you out of her affections and the sooner will she turn for consolation to that farmer's boy you mention."

Poor Hawkston winced aa he thought of Will and Jess together, and felt once more iuolined to turn, to throw over his friend and Btiok to Jess, but Forsyth was too strong for him. He painted his pictures in still stronger colours, and Hawkswn yielded. Foray th was indefatigable in his attention ; he talked and cheered his companion; he told stories ; he amused and kept him employed until they were sale on board the steamer, and it was only when she had fairly started and all possibility of return had passed that he relaxed his efforts. Now, almost for the first time since leaving Jees did Hawkston find himself alone, and then he thought of the poor girl's expectations — how in one short week's time she would be looking joyfully for his return; how day after day she would watch and wait and wonder what had become of him ; how her love and trust would make all sorts of excuses for him — his business was greater than he expected, his letters had miscarried ; or she would imagine that he had been ill and in danger, and her loving little soul would grieve for him and pant to be with him and nurse him ; and how as day succeeded day and week followed week and still no tidings of him, not even one little letter, how slowly and reluctantly she would, she must, begin to learn that he had wilfully deserted ncr ; that he was unworthy of the great love she had given him ; how she would pine and pine, and all her cheerful spirits would be lost, her bright and lovely colour would fade — and then his heart gave a great throb as he remembered her words, " Nothing now would induce me to marry anyone but you, and if you did not return I should die." He buried his head in his arms.but never again could he forget those.words 1 It was as though an evil spirit eat and muttered for ever in Wb ear, " I should die!" When he looked down upon the great throbbing engines the pistons as they revolved seemed to sigb, "I should die I" "I should die!" and at night as he lay in his bank the swish and rush of the waves against the vessel's Bide whispered in sibilant tones, "I should die!" He became sullen and morose, walked the deck ever by himself, and shunned his fellow passengers, who after one or two attempts to draw him out of his moody fits left him to himself as a lurly cub.

When Captain Foreyth tried to reason with him, he turned on him.

" It is to you, Forsyth, that I am indebted for the most intolerable pain, the anguish of remorse, which I suffer — the miserable degradation of having acted at a blackguard. How shall I ever look a gentleman in the face again 1 And if— if, I say, she, my poor Jess, should die, I shall feel a murderer to the end of my dayß."

11 Nonsense, my dear boy I she's aa right as ninepence She'll cry a bit, I daresay, but she's not going to die — she'll just marry the farmer's boy and be as happy as possible."

11 Never I Never I " cried Hawkston. " She told me that now she could never marry anyone but me, and that if I did not return she would die I And I teelieve her— she will die; and I shall be miserable for life, and all through you. No, no ; forgive mo, Forsyth, I do not mean that — I do not blame you, I blame my own weak, vaccillating self; but," he added with flashing eyes, I am weak and vacillating no longer I My resolve is fixed— l shall leave this steamer at Rio, and return to New Zealand by the first opportunity. God grant I be not too late."

At Rio, instead of visiting its famous gardens and other places of interest with his fellow passengers, Hawkston spent the day in rushing from merchant to merchant, calling on the shipping agents, and endeavouring to obtain a passage to any New Zealand port, but without avail. Only homeward-bound steamers touohed at Bio, and it might be months before a vessel bound to New Zealand would put into port.

There was nothing for it then but to return once more to the Kaikoura, and it was with deep bitterness of soul that, unable to sleep, Hawkston stood at midnight at the stern of the Teasel and watched the broad white wake cast by the Bcrew, sparkling and scintillating with phosphoric atoms, until it seemed to him a glorious pathway, at the end of which stood nia lost lota, net bright and iavona as be had aean

her, but white, wan, and Bad, beckoning him to return.

At length the steamer reached the shores of old England. Just before they landed Captain Forsyth, who, seeing that his presence was painful to Hawkston in his present frame of mind, had hitherto avoided him, now approached him. " Htwketon, we land to-morrow. What do you Intend doing 1 " "I understand from the captain that the Doric sails two days after we land. I shall take a passage in her back to New Zealand."

" Why do that, Hawkston ? " said Forsyth gently; "you can go, if to go you are determined, by the 'Frieoo mail. You would arrive as quickly as anj letter you oould send — even before the Doric, and at the same time, as the mail will not leave for a week, you would have time to see your mother and Bisters."

This was the captain's last effort. " Please God his mother's and sisters' tears may save him from this self-destruction," he muttered as he gathered his packages about him before landing. Hawkston did as was suggested, and after engaging a berth on the mail boat he went down to his family seat. For a whole we«k his mother and sisters combated his declared intention of returning to New Zealand to fulfil his promise to Jess, but without avail. He was kind and loving to them as ever, but the shook and horror he had gone through had intensified his love until it was too strong to be resisted.

"Good-bye, Percy," said his mother the evening before his departure. "If you will not listen to advioe I am afraid it will be a long farewell. Of course you are yosr own master, and when you bring your plebeian wife baok with you I will vaoate your home and leave the oountry too. I could not bear to live in the dower house, almost at your door, and see you and your wife avoided by all yours and yonr father's old friends. Till then I shall stay on in hopes that your madness may have passed away, or that you may find your inamorata happily married." This was his stately mother's farewell, and the nest day found Percy Hawkston on his way t" N w Zealand once more.