The Alphabet of Accomplishments.

Otago Witness, Issue 2106, 5 July 1894, Page 50

The Alphabet of Accomplishments.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, X, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, V, and Z are average men — good fellows such as everyone numbers among his acquaintances.

They p od hlong day after day, year after year, at their various duties, discuss the situation in the tra n and again at lunch in the chophouse ; buckle to work all day ; in the evening eat, smoke, read, and go to bed.

Their lives are on a level — happy enough, as lives go in this world, but quite unrelieved by ilashes of ihe light of genius. Yet each of these anen can do one thing pre eminently deftly. A is A I at polishing brown boots. B can smg '* The young man from Flanders " {and nothing else) as it shou:d be sung. C will bveak a bottle ten times out of ten with liis aii'gua.

D aux opeu a sardine till as an ordinary man opens a box of cigars. ■E l-olls cigarettes better than a Spaniard. l r elicits the latest tune, with variations, from a comb covered with paper.

G carves a couple of fow's with no more ado than if they were butter. H can produce photographs that are also pictures from a two-guinea '• Lancaster." I has three or four card tricks that would mystify Mr Maskolyne. J knows a stroke at billiards tbat John Roberts breaks down on again and again. X is a genius at mixing whisky punch. L imitates Mr Irving in such a <* ay that if yoa were to shut your eyes you wo.ild think it "was Albert Chevalier — and that is surely unique. M cm pile wineglasses higher than Mr dv Maurier's "eminent "and wi ty Q.C." O strops a razor better than Teddy Wicks. P is the nea'-tst corner kick in England. Q is invincible at Halma. R can cut anything you wish out of orange peel. S scuffs a field mouse to the life. T plays the Jew's harp like an angel — or a Jew. U tosses up a salad such as the gods eat. V has an unfailing el,e 1 , c for a good walking stick, and never comes back from the country without one or two new ones. W can fashion a fly out of anything, and no salmon can rtsisfc it. X can blow a wren's ejg within a day of hatching. V can give you in a moment any speech of Sam Weller's you ask for. Z is distiaguished only by b=ing an absolutely clcid shou with an Albert biscuit jerked from his side — an accomplishment whose performance is necessarily rare. — Globe.