RURAL RAMBLES

Otago Witness, Issue 2103, 14 June 1894, Page 22

RURAL RAMBLES

A RIDE TO ST. BATHANS.

By C. N. B. Thomas and I set out just three weeks ago on a trip to St. Bathans and back. Thomas is the name of my horse, and in this article, in collaboration with Thomas, I shall endeavour to give my impressions of the country and its people. In the main Thomas and I agreed very well, but on some important points we differed widely, although in the end I was usually able to bring him over to my way of thinking. Our first disagreement arose through the unfortunate habit which Thomas has contracted of visiting every hotel on the road (Thomas has been in the Hussars for nearly three years). Now I am a teetotaller myself, and consequently objected strenuously to his predilection for bars. Thomas has a great objection to water, and when I expressed the opinion that it would conduce to our common weal if we crossed the Taieri and Kyeburn rivers instead of going some miles round by the bridge, Thomas exhibited a most stubborn and unreasoning spirit of contrariety, and for some time entreaty and objurgation were alike unavailing. We travelled through Waitati to Waikouaiti, where we remained for a day or two. It was here that we met an Irishman with extraordinarily embryonic ideas regarding music. He said that his family waa very musical, and I asked if they played the piano. " Piano, be gob ! " says he. " Phat do oi want wid a piano ? Yez should hear moi Patherick play the Jew's 'arrup. Paddy, come here and play the gintleman — I don't know yez naime, sorr — a tune on the Jew's 'arrup. It will make yez hayer stand on md, sorr." After Patrick had dragged some plaintive wailing from the Jew's harp, his brother played " The weariu' o' the green" on the accordion. I praised them accordionly, but regretted that this part of my education had been sadly neglected. Apropos of Irishmen, Father Lynch tells a very amusing story about a Chinaman. (This sounds rather like the old Christy Minstrel gag, " Talking about donkeys, how's your brother ? " but readers must blame the Celestial, and nob the writer, for the paradox). It appears that Father Lynch met a Chinaman one day, and the following dialogue took place between them :—": — " How you like Punedin, John ?" — II O, me no likee Dunedin welly much ; allee aamee too muchee Scotchmen here." — "Don't you like the Scotch, John?" — "No, me no likee Scotchymeu. Scotchy men allee eameetoo muchee'mean." — " Andhs>w do yon like the English, John?" — "O, Buglishyman plitfcy good; no welly good." — "And how do you like the Irish, John ? "—"" — " O, Ilishman welly good ; Ilishman allee samee Chinaman." At Palmerston we officiated at the Anglican Church on Sunday night — at the organ of course. The Rev. Blr Lucas, a cultivated gentleman and an Oxford man, preached a most admirable sermon to an audience of 13. I commenced to play an " offertorium " during collection, but before I had played six bars the offertory had been taken up ; but I weut on to the bitter end of " Rienzi's Prayer," which was not without ita applicability to the situation. Thomas and I visited the AUandale coal mine, and the process of working was made clear to our benighted intellects by the genial managing director, Mr Macintosh. I left the mine with the determination, when I got to Dunedin, of asking for AUandale coal and, as the legend runs, seeing that I got it. On Thursday night Thomas weut to bed early, aud I strolled along to tho local hall to attend the banquet given to Me John M'Kenzie. I sat next to Mr G. Jones, of the Oamaru Mail, much to that gentleman's annoyance, for ho is a staunch, aud, I must say, consistent supporter of the Government ; whilst I, especially since the banquet, am decidedly " agin' the Government." The " banquet," as it was facetiously called, wa3 given by the ladies of Palmerston, but neither the chairwoman nor the sub-chairwoman can be said to have been an absolute success as such. Neither of these ladies was audible at the bottom of the hall, and it waß impossible for us to say with any degree of certainty whether a toast was being proposed or a comic song sung. The husband of the chairwoman, in an "'umble, lowly, penitent, and obedient " speech, expressed the hope that some day "the Missus" would be Premier, and then he might come in for some of the pickin's. Mr Seddon is an admirable specimen of the after-dinner speaker who has nothing to say, and says it, and says it in euch an impressive and coarsely oratorical, not to say oracular, manner that many of his hearers are fain to believe that he is imparting to them some great secret of State. Mr Ward was suffering badly from " snakes," which he had encountered in barbarous Victoria, and he said nothing which could be taken seriously regarding the finance of tho colony. Mr Morrison (Caversham) was in a unick (unique) position. If it had na' bin for the votts of the leddies he would na' ht»ve been there. He did nob know anything about Parliament, becausehe hadn'tbeen there yet, but he soon would. Ihebest speech of the evening was undoubtedly that of Dr Fitchett", and Dr Findlay 2-rj.vime acccssit. Tte former gentleman had to propose the toast of " The Army, Navy, and Volunteer.}," — a most uninspiring topic. The army, said the doctor, is represented at present by Colonel Fox, and is evidently in a bad way, but the navy is well represented by the Hinemoa, which has just returned from a glorious and victorious mission. The speech was extremely humourou?, and the points were "neatly put." The evening for the most part was taken up by the representatives of the Government and their supporters in "mutual admiration," and when the speeches concluded at midnight to make room for the dancing, we hvd entirely altered our opinion of the work of a Hansard reporter. We had imagined, in the fulness of our innocence, that a Hansard reporter's life was, unlike the p'liceman's life, a very happy one. We have now arrived at the conclusion that these gentlemen do more in three months than most people do in a year, in first transcribing verbatim, and then translating into Engl'sh, the speeches of our legislators. But the first chapter of our chronicles must end here, aud the adventures that befell us in our further wanderings must be reserved for a subsequent chapter.