"Cards Spiritualised."

Otago Witness, Issue 2055, 13 July 1893, Page 50

"Cards Spiritualised."

•'the soldier's almanac, bible, and prayerbook."

Such is the curious title of an old broadsheet in the possession of Mr J. Copeland, of Staindrop. The broadsheet proceeds :—: — ••RICHARD MIDDLBTON, a soldier attending divine service, with the reet of the regiment, at^a church in Glasgow, instead of pulling out a Bible, like his brother soldiers, to find the parson's text, spread a pack of cards before him. This singular behaviour did not long pass unnoticed, both by the clergyman and the sergeant of the company to which he be- - longed. The latter in particular commanded him to put up the cards, and on his refusal conducted him after church before the Mayor, to whom 'he preferred a formal complaint of Richard's indecent behaviour during divine service. Well, soldier [said the Mayor], what excuse have you for this strange scandalous behaviour ? if you can make any apology or assign any reason for it, it's well. If you cannot, assure"yourself that I will cause you without delay to be severely punished for it. Since your Honour is so good; replied Richard, I will inform you that I have been eight days on march, with a bare allowance of 6d per day ; which your Honour will surely allow is hardly sufficient to maintain a man in meat, drink, washing, and other necessaries that consequently he may want without a Bible, prayerbook, or any other, good book. On saying this Richard drew out his pack of cards and presented one of the Aces to the mayor, continuing his address to the magistrate^ follows: — " When I see an Ace, may it please your Honour, it reminds me that there is only one God : and when I look upon a Two or Three, the former puts me in mind of the Father and the Son, and the lattter of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. — A Four calls to remembrance the Four Evangelists, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and 'John.— A Five, the Five Wise Virgins who were ordered to trjm their lamps ; there were 10 indeed, but five, your Worship may remember, were wise, and five were foolish. — A Six,, that in six days God created heaven and earth.— A Seven, that on the seventh day ho rested from all that he had made.— An Eight, of the eight righteous persons preserved from the deluge — viz., Noah and his Wife, with his three Sons and their Wives. — A Nine, of the nine Lepers, cleansed by our Saviour ; there were 10, but only one returned to offer his tribute of thanks. — Aod a Ten, of the Ten Commandments that God gave Moses on Mount Sinai, on the two tables of stone. He took the Knave and put it aside. When I see the Queen, it puts me in mind of the Queen of Sheba, who came from the furthermost part of the world to ear the wisdom of Solomon, for she was as wise a woman as he a man ; for she brought 50 boys and 50 girls, all clothed in girls' apparel, to shew before King Solcmon, for him to tell which were boys and which were girls, but he could not, until he called for water to wash themselves-; the girls washed up to their elbows, and the bays only up to the wrist of their hands, so King Solomon told by that. And when I see the King, it puts me in mind of the great King of heaven and earth, which is God-Almighty ; and likewise, his Majssty King George, to pray for him. Well, said the ayor, you have given a good description of 11 the cards, except one, which is lacking. Which is that,' said the soldier; the Knave, said the mayor. ' " If your Honour will not be angry with me, returned Richard, I can give you the same satisfaction oa that as any in the pack P No, said the Mayor. Well, returned the soldier, the greatest Knave I know is the Sergeant who brought me before you. I don't know, replied the Mayor, wheather he be the greatest Knave or no, but; I am sure he is the greatest fool. " The soldier then continued as follows :—: — Whin I count the number of dots in a pack of cards there are 365; so many days are there in a year. — When I' count how many cards are in a pac^: I find there are fifty-two. So many weeks are there in a year.— When I reckon how may tricks are won by a pack, I find there are thirteen : co many months are there in a year. go that this. pack of cards is both bible, almanack, and prayerbook, to me. "The Mayor cabled his servants, ordered them to entertain the fioldier well ! gave him a piece of money, and jatd he was tha cleverest fellow he-over heard in his ilfe."— (Carrall, printer, Walmgate, York.) V Easily Cured. One oE the most estimable women in a London suburb is snb'ject .. to sudden faints and hysterics, "and "confidently expects some day to die during onettrf them. Several days ago, while sitting at her front window engaged in some light needlework converting with a neighbour, 6he ftlt oney.of the spells coming over her. She called to her friend to summon D r and then fan her. The friend]weat for the family doctor, and in no time he was at the house.. Meanwhile the sufferer was sure she was dying. . " Oh, Mrs ," she sobbed, hysterically, "I know lam going this time. I'm dying now, I'm dying. Good-bye, Mrs ."

The doctor at once began the application of the usual restoratives, but they seemed of no avail. The sufferer appeared to be gradually losing her breath, and the doctor believed she was expiring. He tore away the ruohing about her neck and called to her friend :

"Mrs , take off her shoes, please; we must enliven 'jher circulation somehow." The doctor got her neck free enough, but when the friend lifted one foot to remove the shoe the sufferer, kicked her friend's hands with the other foot. The doctor did not notice this, but, thinking the friend could perhaps not undo the buttons, he reached down and picked up one of the patient's feet. The sufferer, evidently in her last gasps, kicked him also, but the doctor was determined. "Mrs ,"he said, "your shoes are too tight. They must come off." "Don't, doctor," gurgled the patient ; " don't, doctor, I'm dying." " I know it, Mrs ," he said, " but these shoes must come off."

" Oh, no, doctor," was the feeble pleading. "But I say yes," answered the now frightened doctor; "and I'll take them off, too." "Oh, doctor, please don't, please don't." " I'm sorry, Mrs , but" Raising herself with a powerful effort, the patient, pale as death itself, gasped : " Please don't take off my shoes, doctor— my stockings are full of holes."

The effort seemed to bring back the life to the sufferer, and in half an hour she was as well as ever, with a new pair of stockings on, fully ready for the next "faint."