PATER'S CHATS WITH THE BOYS.

Otago Witness, Issue 2051, 15 June 1893, Page 42

PATER'S CHATS WITH THE BOYS.

The Tonga Islands.

Away north of New Zealand and nearly east of the Fijis there is the interesting little kingdom of Samoa. It consists of three small groups of ielete, containing a total population of somewhat over 20,000— about half the population of Dunedin and suburbs— of whom 250 or 300 are whites. Nineteen-twentieths of its exports consist of copra, or dried cocoanut. The whole p£ its exports do not value more than perhaps £80,000, or the 14th of the exports of Dunedin. Its export trade is done mainly with Marseille?, Lisbon, Auckland, and Great Britain, in the order named ; and its imports, consisting chiefly of drapery, come to the extent of 60 per cent, of the whole from Auckland. The shipping interests are in the hands of the British and Germans, the former owning perhaps 70 per cent, of the tonnage. Gold and silver coins of Great Britain, the United Statep, and Germany are legal currency, and accounts are kept ia dollars, shillings, and pence. But it is nob about the commercial geography of Tonga that I intend to write, but to give you a little account of the comedy annually played there. If you wish to have it ia full get the current number of Blackwood's Magazine. Tonga boasts of all the paraphernalia of a limited monarchy, and though the whole kingdom isn't as large as any of the principal provincial districts of New Zaaland, a sovereign, Lords and Commons, party Government, a full-wigged Speaker, a sergeant-at-arms, with a swallow-tailed coat and gilt-bandied sword, a protective tariff, public debt, religioca persecutions, are all more or less in evidence as prominently as ia any other country. The opening of Parliament is.of course, a time when waistcloths have to give place to full dress, so for a brief space before the time of assembling the beach &tores do a roaring trade "in solemn suits of semiclerical black " and boots of generous dimensions — tnojjstic fabrics of leather, made in fact on "special lasts about 14in loag and Sin or 9in broad." It is usual to walk to the House barefooted, but on one occasion "the Hou>:e was Speakerless for nearly half an hour because the Speaker rashly put his boots on at home,' 1 and had in consequence to rest every 20 yards or so. " How's your poor feat ? " would with him have elicited, [a feeling response. Parliament is opened' 'with .the "same formality as with us. Princess Charlotte, masculine in stature and barefooted, and Princess Anna Jane, 19 stoioe, majestic in appearance and encased in satin, honour the ceremony with their presence. After returning thanks to God, referring to the cordial relations with other powers, and aping civilisation generally, honourable members adjourn and aEter shedding their trousers and exchanging broadcloth and boots for waist calicoe3 and bare feet, make a bes-line for the dining hall for a good tuck in of yam, turtle, roast pork, turkey, rice and brown sugar, &c, in 17 courses. Those more veneered with civilisation use knives and forks, but many are pretty well pig- smeared to the elbows. The Patricians (the Lords) and the Plebeian (the Commons) of course sit at different tables, and the blue bloods are allowed sherry, while the others are only allowed beer — that is, at the expense of the State. Cabinet Ministers, however, are allowed in addition a half a tumbler of rum. It is a wonder that in such a staid and religious nation prohibition is not ia force, but evidently they are not educated up or down to that. "After a fortnight of such dinnera the entire Honse had to be put under an active course of medical treatment, and legislation for a while gave way to Holloway's pills and mild aperients." The honourable members being, of course, the pick oE the brains of the nation, must be waited upon by the most comely coppercoloured damsels, and these are selected by a special committee three weeks before the openiDg of the Parliament. Bab it is said that the committee's hearts failed them last year, or it became evident that life would be worth living for neither committee nor the rejected applicants if any special choice was mace ; so at the laßt moment the first 20 were chosen as waitresses. And here again human nature at Tonga, as elsewhere, has proved frail. They were ordered to appear in white dresses without either lace or ornament, bub the mandate was treated with the contempt it deserved, and the senators could not find it in their hearts to enforce the law when they saw how coquettishly the maidens giggled and blushed —if they could blu3b. On ordinary days the gigantic dinner the members usually get outside of proves too much for the afternoon sitting*, and sleep overcomes patriotism. Then tb e sergeant-at-arms is kept busy lightly tapping snoring member?, and dusky maidens ply the legialatois with lemonade and orarges that the exhaustive work of law-making may not prove too much for their constitutions.

NO FLIRTING ALLOWED.

The good folk of Tonga are particularly moral, and nothing shocks them more than flirting— especially amorg the young men. The law is quite Draconianin its severity, for heavy fines and imprisonment fall on those who play upon the susceptibilities of the young ladies. Flirting has furnished prison labour for public works, and put thousands of dollars annually into the public Treasury. But, alas, the age of degeneration has set in in Tonga, and some of tie members wish to give the police more time to spend over what they think more serious law-breaking than flirtiDg. Oold common sense cannot stem the flood of enthusiasm of those who demand whether the House will dare to break faith with God. One says :— " It may be true that under cur present laws our country is becoming depopulated, but better •we should perish from the face of the earth than break our solemn covenant with God " ; and another reminds honourable members 11 that 13 years ago a similar measure was passed, and three months afterwards an epidemio seized the people, and when the measure was repealed the aickn sa e was abated." The repeal or modi-

fication of the flirting laws was passed by a majority of two, but the kiDg refused assent, and as Tongans are weak when their opinions conflict with the king's, the measure was recommitted and outvoted by an overwhelming majority. So, young men, if you wish a little diversion in the way of flirting don't go to Tonga unless you want to serve a term on the road?.

Tongans are nothing if not church-goers, and as it is so important for all to be clean on the Sunday, you may witness in Tonga " the spectacle of a Speaker with solemn wig and robes bowing across the mace to an entire Parliament, and releasing honourable members from their legislative toil for an entire day, that they may wash their shirts and be tidy for Sunday."