PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2020, 10 November 1892, Page 25

PASSING NOTES.

Sir Robert Stout, says a northern newspaper, is going to Samoa on professional business. This is in itself merely an interesting item of intelligence. But H.M.S. Ringarooma is also going to Samoa on professional business. Putting the two things together, the sagacious reader will perceive a coincidence that is possibly/accidental, but certainly curious. There may be more in it than meets the eye. Professional business— H'm. Sir Robert's professional business is many-sided, He is a lawyer it's true, but he is more than a lawyer. Patron of the present Government, president of the National Liberal Association, sworn foe to the Blatant Beast (of letters four), he may be described by a brilliant generalisation as the high priest of Latter-day Liberalism. His outgoings and incomings are therefore not as those of other men, and I hold it eminently reasonable to conjecture that tbe social and political upheaval in Samoa whereof the papers tell us, is not altogether unconnected with his impending visit. The dusky potentate who rules and reigns there may well trembje on his throne at the approach of the strenuous democracy of New Zealand as bodied forth in the person of Sir Robert. Stout, K.O.M G. And his down-trodden subjects maywell rise in revolt and shake their chains as they hail the glad coming of liberty and light iv the person of the President of the National Liberal Association.

It may be Sir Robert's purpose- to go to Samoa purely as a lawyer in pursuit of fees. But spite of himself he must tread the path of bin destiny, lead him where it may. We may expect him to boldly lecture to the tattooed but intelligent natives on the Functions of the State towards the Individual, and fearlessly expound every plank of tbe platform of the National Liberal Association. These epoch-making deliverances will lead easily and naturally to the triumph of the popular party and the decapitation of the king. Whereupon Sir Robert will be at hand to draft a Constitution, establish Parliamentary Government (single Chamber), and introduce an Elective Governor's Bill. That, accomplished, there is only one possible Governor for Samoa. But suppose it should turn out that, blinded by excess of light, the unsophisticated Samoans prove unfitted to endure the sudden blaze of a pure and unadulterated democracy ? For after all it is just within the verge of possibility that time and teaching may be needed in order to gradually educate them up to the manifold butj haply, to them, mysterious advantages of one-tnan-one-vote, one-mafci-one-run, and all the other blessings of the dispensation under which we are privileged to dwell. What then ?— will his Excellency Sir Robert desert the post of difficulty and danger, leave his subjects to drift back into serfdorr, and himself return to the practice of the law in New Zealand 1 Perish the thought. He must stay on in the land until his mission of emancipation is fully accomplished. And if in the meantime a temporary return to monarchical government be necessary, then in the highest and best interests of democracy he must c'en consent to occupy the vacant throne — first being duly tattooed according to ancient custom. Who knows? — New Zealand may ytt have diplomatic relations with his Majeßty King Robert the First of Samoa.

For this many a year past the Presbyterian Synod has assembled itself together chiefly to appoint a moderator and make sport for the Pnilistines. Aod excellent sport it has been — from a philistinian point of view. Synod spelt " scene." Protests and appeals, counter protests and counter appeals hurtled through the murky air. Rev. gentlemen gave one another the lie as lightly as if they were members of Parliament, and an unregenerate public stood on the broad grin to behold the bitterness that the collective wisdom and piety of Presbyterianism never failed to produce. But this year, lo I a sudden change. Judging from the published reportp, the proceedings breathed nothing but forbearance and brotherly love. Ministers and elders are all in peace and charity one with another, and their deliberations are become so decent as to be distinctly dull — a reproach that never lay against them hefore. And how, think jou, is this marvellous change accomplished ? Why, by the simple process of doing all quarrelling in committee. Whenever the moderator scents a coming row, heyprestol he moves the synod into committee, where the brethren can strip, fall to, and fight it out in the privacy of the domestic circle, co to speak. Tho advantages are obvious. The combatents are not embarrassed by the presence of uc godly reporters. Every quarrel can be fought out faithfully to a finish without risk of interruption,

and there is no scandal In the next day's papers. We may dimly gather from the flying scud of angry letters, that there has been a storm — of course with Mr A. C. Begg as its inevitable centre — but we learn nothing of the details, and presumably many a storm is never beard of at all. Not being a Philistine whatever my enemies may say to the cantrary, I recognise this as a marked, improvement, and respectfully tender my congratulations to the ingenious divine who found it out.

Though in Mr Fish himself there be no poetry, he seems, nevertheless, when contemplated as a candidate for the chief citizenship, to be the cause that poetry is in other men. At least the lines given below are alleged, by the author of them, to be poetry. I accept them as election poetry, silly season poetry, Parliament being out of session, and scandals, in common with other topics of interest, being scarce : — Says Fish to himself, says he : "There's Haynes, and Chapman, and me : Which is it going to be ? We shall see ! " Says Fish to himself, says he. " The labour mob have chucked me : and Earn-

Shaw labels me ' traitor' ; And for Dr Fitchett's respectables (whew!) I'm not ' the clean pertater' ; And the women'll ' vote me down,' says Mrs H., for a woman-hater, Deary me ! how much at aea ! " Says Fish to himself, says he. " Well, here's for luck ! I ain't dead yet by a long,

long chalk, I'm an oldish nand at the game, and one not easy

to baulk ! Let the National Liberals howl, if they will, and the Women Franchisers squawk, But they don't movo me ! " Says Fish to himself, says he. " There's wheels within wheels. Look at Chap-

man sweating his brainsPoor innocent sheep !— and for what ? In profitless labours and pains, For every vote for Chapman is a vote that is taken from Haynos, And so is a vote for Die ; must be ! Says Fish to himself, says he. "And then I'm agen the Government. That

fetches the Bond street set ! ' He's done very well, has Fish,' say they ; ' back him up and he'll do better yet.' So the Social Pest's chief joy and the Fernhill clubman's pet, D'ye see, that's me ! ' Says Fish to himself, says he. "Then Stout, by good luck, has gone to the

- Cannibal shore ; ■ Glad that he's out of the way. Wish he d never

come back any more. 1 Wish the niggers' 'd eat him. Digest him they couldn't,— good lor 1 How he'd disagree ! ' ' Says Fish to himself, says he. "So there's Haynes and Chapman and me ; Which is it coing to be ? We snail see ! " Says Fish to himself, says he.

There are one or two aspects of the great half-holiday movement that have hitherto escaped consideration. Not long ago I heard a preacher laying a new and uncomfortable emphasis on the word " fchalt " in the Fourth Oommandtaent : " Six days shall thou labour." It is a tenable view, as I gathered, that wo are bound to labour for six whole days, and no lesp, and on this view, the Shop Hours Bill, which for six days substitutes live and a half, is an impious revision of the Decalogue. In the present inflammatory condition of the public temper I venture' only to mention the point, not wishing to bring a Saturday afternoon mob to break the windows of the Witness Office. But this I will say — let tbe five and a-half days rule, if it is to be enforced by fines and penalties, be enforced all round. Let us at least be all in the same condemnation. I observe that a Waiter writes to the Daily Times complaining that the Saturday half holiday does not extend to him, and asserting that it ought. It may be urged in reply, he says, that persons who get their meals in restaurants and hotels could not go without food from 1 o'clock on Saturday until Sunday morning. This objection has a specious look, "but Sir," he rejoins, " I am contending for a great principle." Just so. He is contending for a great principle, whilst those who object are only contending for the gratification of their base bodily appetites. "If the public demands a Saturday half holiday they must be good enough to suspend the functions of digestion in order that an important portion of themselves — viz., the waiters — may enjoy the same privilege." This seems eminently reasonable, and our legislators will have to look to it. The next reform— next after the Washers and Manglers Bill, which ought to have the place of honour next session — should be an enactment limiting digestion to five and a-half (Jays in. a week.

I have received a rhyming complaint from a milkman on the same subject. I cannot find space for more than a verse or two :—: —

THE MILKMAN'S LOT

How well do I remember, not many months ago, I worked upon the Tomahawk with Mr So-

and-so. Dairy farming was the game, so full of joy and

bliss ; Unless you've tried it for yourself, you don fc know what it is. Shortly after midnight, when the world has sunk

to rest, "i'is then the milkman's day begins, 'tis then he

leaves his nest. First to tho byre he goes, with bucket, rope, and

stool, And then to milk a dozen cows, it is a common

rule. After this, to change his c'othes, he gaily goes and takes a hasty meal, then off to town through rain or snow that he's not supposed to feel. He distributes hi 3 milk to the customers by candle-light, gets home by other people's breakfast time, and then, by way of recreation, betakes himself to chaffcutting, — the game he loves so well because it gives him exercise — more than anyone can tell. The day weare through, milking time— the evening milking — comes round, the cows are to be fed, also the horses ; after which the milkman himself, in the character of a weary animal, may retire to his lair. A whole six hours he then has got to try and pass

away— To sleep, to clean his boots, to be ready for next day. And when he settles down to sleep so peacefully and free He heara tho usual morning call and kuows it's

half-past three. This routine luns on without break, not for five and a-half days or six days merely, but for seven days in every week, with the omission only of unnecessary chaffcatting

and other day-tasks on Sunday. Devotees of the Shop Hours ill may bless the goodness and the grace that on their birth has smiled that it did not make them milkmen. Legislative reform, I suppose, will come in the shape of a bill to restrain the activity of tbe lacteal secretions in cows and to forbid us to expect milk for our porridge on more than five days in the week. This may seem hard measure, but then, as the Waiter remarks, we are contending for a great principle.

Mr Henry Varley, the ex-butcher and popular evangelist, who at one time in Dunedin drew crowds aa an interpreter of prophecy, has of late years dropped out of sight— out of my sight, at anyrate. He has been to the fore elsewhere, no doubt, and afc any time Mr Brunton could have told us all about him. I learn from an English paper that Mr Varley is still an authority amongst End-of-the-Worldists, and has just put forth a pamphlet giving his interpretation of the signs of the timea. Things are looking very bad, says Mr Varley, and may be expected to get worse — which is quite satisfactory and what we all ought to deßire. In fact, the worse they get the better. Amongst other encouraging signs of degeneracy Mr Varley mentions the war spirit in Europe and the 11 down-grade " movement — much denouncei by Mr Spurgeon — in theology. For example the Free Kirk has just revised its Confession. That is " downgrade." Worse than this, or better, Dr Jfacgregor, of Oamaru, approves and commends the revision.. That is " downgrade "at 50 miles an hour. Things can't go on long descending at this pace, and Mr Varley' surveying the " down grade " facts over a wide field, announces that we must get to the End, and the bottom, within 25 years. He doe3n't in the present pamphlet fix the exact date, but that matters little. We can always get the exact date on application to Mr Baxter, who fixes it from time to time and shifts it along according to circumstances. Mr Varley has recently beenir Palestine, and notices as a remarkable prccf of the approaching End of the World that many new houses are being built at Jerusalem " precisely in the places mentioned by Jeremiah." On Mr Varley himself and his Varleyites— " varlets " perhaps is the better word, for varlets they are of ignorance and presumption — rebuke is wasted, but ridicule they doubtless welcome as being another proof of the healthful and hopeful wickedness of the age. Oivis,

The Otago Hussars, who have been in camp at Tahuna Park during the past week, were inspected by Colonel Fox on Thursday afternoon. After the march past, which was the best that the troop have ever executed, the men went through a number of field movements, under the command of Captain Robin, a trot being the slowest paco during the manoeuvres, which occupied nearly an hour; The folio .ving wcro fcho movements gone through :— Advanc* iug in double column secLioua, forming a aquftdrou and troops, lines to Iho rear and flank, retirement by alternate troops at a gallop*, an advance to the attack at it gallop, and Bkiraußhiug by troops with support. Lieutenants Allan ami Sievwright then worked their troops in troop drill, after which Sergeantmajor Park had chargo of tho squadron while the men executed a few Hold movements. The troop was then ordered by Colonel Fox to form a picket of an outposfc, with a front reaching from the Ocean Beach to Anderson's Bay so as to guard an approach from the Peninsula. In order to reach their vedette posts the men had to encounter various obstacles, such as stone fences, &c, and when tho vedette line, examining post, cossack post, picket, patrols, &c, &c.| were examined by the colonel they were found to be all correct. On returning to camp Colonel Fox addressed the squadron, and highly complimented both the officers and men on the efficient work they had gone through during the inspection. He was quite taken by surprise by the manner in which the various movements had been executed by the troop, which was the best drilled one in the colony. The cavalry tournament in connection with the annual training of the Hussars was held at Tahuna Park on Saturday afternoon. The different events were got off with great despatch, and so much interest was taken in them by the spectators tbat very few left until the last item on tho programme was carried out.