WITH THE UNATTACHED.

Otago Witness, Issue 2010, 1 September 1892, Page 45

WITH THE UNATTACHED.

BY. ARTEE MAHT.

111.-A FALSE MOVE AND A SERENADE.

I was once greatly amused at two incidents occurring during a brief visit which I paid to two of the Unattached who were •• baching "in an up-country township. The day after my arrival had been fixed upon by one of them as the most suitable one of that week for removing his furniture and effects generally to another village, whither the duties of a Government appointment called him.

After we had partaken of a very early lunch, he patiked up all his lares ,et penatei, and piled the whole lot of his goods and chattels on the verandah, there to await the arrival of the man and cart he had engaged to convey them to their new destination. Then he sat down in an easy chair while waiting for the conveyance, which he momentarily expected. But it didn't come. When he had sat some time, it struck him that the general tout ensembleb&d very much the appearance of a second-hand Johnny-all-sorts' shop. This was heightened by Borne travellers calling out as they passed : 11 Just got them out ?" " Yes," he answered. 11 Been long at it I>f1 >f 11 No, dnly'a couple of boiirs;" "Ah I don't think you'll do much business. Good-day 1 " and they disappeared. Presently some more came along, and as they gazed at him they inquired : "Moving?" " Yes, as soon as the cart comes." " Do it all yourself 1 "

,« Do what?" "The furnishing. Looks well. You'd make a good family man. Going to get spliced 1 " " He didn't like these sallies, and expressed his disapprobation in such a manner as to cause their discontinuance. I enjoyed it myself. It was an unrehearsed effect in my bill of fare for the day's enjoyment, and every time I looked at him, seated there, placidly smoking and waiting, I smiled to myself. The whole thing was so comical. When he bad been waiting an hour I left and strolled down town, first saying good-bye, as he would be away before I returned. But we were both mistaken in this, for when I returned at dusk he was in front of the house and the furniture had disappeared. I hailed him when within hearing distance, but got no reply. Making another attempt, I saids - " I didn't expect to see you. You've beeu pretty smart." No answer. " Did you ride 1 " " No," in a very sulky tone. " When did the furniture go ? " •• Hasn't gone." "Ohl How's that?" " The confounded one-eyed son of a mug sent up half an hour ago to say he couldn't come to*day, and at 2 o'clock he sent word saying he was coming up in a quarter of an hour. I've been roosting here all the blessed time, a living target for all kinds of silly remarks from every idiot that passed this way." I laughed. I could just imagine the whole affair. The only thing I regret is that I cannot sketch, otherwise the picture would have made a name for itself, and the artist too. That night we heard him navigating himself between an intricate collection of his possessions, as he threaded his way through them to that portion of the room where his bed lay. Had we not been able to trace his progress thither by occasional bumpings and stumblings, as his body came in contact with various obstacles in his passage, we could easily have done so by his vocal vagaries and variations ; and had the room dissolved into flames amidst sulphurous fumes, we would only have thought it a fitting accompaniment to such language. Now I come to think of it, perhaps this explains the cause of a visit we had the next day, and for which we could not then account. It was Sunday morning, and wo had treated it as a day of rest, leisurely cooking and eating our breakfast. Somewhere about church time, we were aroußed by the unmistakable music of a Salvation Army band, with its attendant religious enthusiasts. They stopped almost opposite our house, but rather nearer the corner of the fence, and in such a position that they gained a fair view of both our front and back doors— the latter, by the way, being at the side of the house. Then they serenaded us. The moment they started, Pat got up from his seat, and, going into the front rooms, slowly and deliberately let down the Venetian blinds. He said this was a deadly insult on his part, and he did it to express his utter disgust at tbe army's action. It had no effect, though. Thedium beat as noisily as ever, and the vociferated confessions of past wickednesses and present joys continued to float through the air about u3, permeating the atmosphere with matter that was the exact antithesis of Dick's denunciatory verbosity of the previous evening. Neither of them liked the haranguicg going on outside, so they both adjourned jbo the back door, bent on showing their displeasure, which they did in different ways. Pat's was to carefully scrutinise a machine he had received on the previous afternoon, and which he now found time for inspecting. Dick's was to fill an iron bucket half full of potatoes, and, having covered them with water, energetically wash them with a longhandled American broom. Meanwhile the vocal and instrumental din went on. I suggested that perhaps it was done in my honour. Perhaps they bad heard of my arrival, and had come up to convert these two and their guest as well. This was immediately contradicted, Pat adding, "They've got no right to annoy people in tbis way, and they can be _ summoned for stopping in front of any particular house so as to attract attention to it. I don't believe in them.. The Bible distinctly warns us against those who pray with a loud voice at street corners."

This last remnant of the biblical knowledge acquired in the days of his youth, and

now hazily flitting through his mind, gave Fat infinite satisfaction. Indeed, I firmly believe he might have hotly, informed the collected blood-and-flre warriors of this awful veto against their means of warfare, had not the band ceased playing, and a spasmodic individual commenced to pray with a hysterical fervour that completely dumfounded Pat, and sent him back to tho inspection of bis purchase onco more. During all this Dick had been stolidly smoking his pipe and pounding away at the potatoes, keeping excellent time to tho music, which caused him' to prolong bis cleansing operations to a much greater extent than usual.

He now went inside, and I had a moment or two in which to catch what was being said by the precatory one. Amongst other assertions poured forth to the Deity was this:

" Oh, what a joyful day Sunday is to me now I've found the light 1 Before I found the light Sunday was my most miserablest day of all." The redundancy of the superlative in this* address amused me, and I drew Pat's attention to it.

"Oh," he exclaimed, •' that's nothing. That's just their peculiar eccentricity of language. The fools don't know what they're talking about, and nothing riles me so much as for a man who's a reclaimed drunkard to oome around telling me how wicked I am, and trying to convert me." Then he went into an outhouse and worked off his exasperation by setting a turning lathe revolving at a terrific speed. How mush further matters would have gone it is hard to say, had not the attacking force, with timely promptitude and consideration, moyed off, and left us once more to the peaceful enjoment of a Sunday morning's lounge. While it lasted it had been quite a refreshing experience to me, and I was the only one of the trio who was sorry when the proceedings terminated.