FLIRTS AND FLIRTING.

Otago Witness, Issue 2006, 4 August 1892, Page 43

FLIRTS AND FLIRTING.

By artec Maht.

Flirting is a pastime indulged in by members of both sexes. The flirt may theiefore be cither male or female. Tbe latter is accredited wilh having a majority of representatives, while the former is considered the more despicable of the two kinds. Some people look upon both alike, and sum them up as not possessing that amount of sense which they ought to have.

Josh Billings, that amusing American who has his own quaint way of wittily expressing his thoughts, says a flirt is " a kind of fool that goes around fooling other fools, and the fool that is fooled by such a fool is the foolishest kind of a fool 1 " He evidently considers there is a goodly number of fools in the world, though his assertions ate not quite so sweeping as Carlyle's, that of some 30,000,000 of bis own nation mostly all were fools. Still, when one comes to calmly reckon matters out, and imagine the probable total number of flirts and their victims existing in the social systems, civilised and uncivilised, throughout the inhabited portions of |this globe of ours, there is no doubt a very large proportion of men and women, as well as youths and maidens, to be found in the ranks of the biters and the bitten. Of the two last-named classes the latter of course preponderates, and tbe effect on its individual types differs according to the nature of each of them. To some it may be a sudden and rude awakening to the knowledge that "things are not what they seem."

Too late these find that apparent sincerity is but falsification decked out in stolen plumage. And what a crushing, enervating, disheartening discovery it is ! That which appeared to be truth now proves to be deceit. Can anyone — anything be tru« after that ? And trying vainly to solve this problem, the sufferers move off our stage and pass on their way. Let them go. We know not their ultimate individual solution, only what experience in the course of ages hands down to us. Some impetuously solve it by committing suicide ; some pine away till relief is found in the oblivion of death ; some suffer awhile until, time having either wholly or partially healed the wound, consolation is found in the sympathy and loving companionship of others more deserving of the confidence and affection rejected in the first instance ; some may be found in the ranks of confirmed old maids and bachelors whose past is alluded to as having "*, history "; some are shown forth in the misanthropical cynics of both sexes, whose lives are still embittered by an ancient disappointment ; and of the remainder some, probably animated by motives of revenge, will be found to have merged from victims into victimisers ; while others, again, taking the world pretty much as they find it, pull themselves together, and, putting the incident out of their minds, proceed on their way with an additional stock of wisdom begotten of experience. JSocperientia doctt ; and so the philosophical appear the least affected. Probably it is only another view of Tennyson's sentiment that

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

Be that as it may, however, we shall not etay to discuss it here. We have conjured up a variety of sufferers in our mental vision, and now, in our imagination, we see them depart. As they go fading away, we turn to the next act, and throughout ever-varying scenes we note the different characters composing the cause of these sufferings. There are two kinds — the intentional and the unintentional. Of these the fault of the former is the greater, because, to paraphrase a sentiment of Manzoni's, they not only cause a certain amount of evil themselves, but, as a result of their action, induce it in others as well.

The flirt for flirting's sake may be either blond or brunette, tall or short. If a woman, she is at home and in her element in the ballroom. Here so much can be done with the touch of a hand, a pressure of tbe fingers, an expression en passant, a glance of the eyes, or even the manipulation of a fan. As you come up she smiles her sweetest, and tells you 6he has been " looking out for you for such a time. Where have you been 1 " As she gives you this welcome you beg a dance and smile down upon her, though in your heart you feel she's an arrant coquette, and her words have as little honest feeling in them as the words of the spider that said to the fly 'Tis the prettiest little parlour That ever you did spy. Nevertheless, yon willingly take the dance she vouchsafes you, and off you go. Ycu gaze down into her eyes, and, remembering that " a woman's eyes are the windows of her soul," you think with a passing sentimentality, " no, no ; the owner of orfcu like those could never look at once so trustingly and unhesitatingly into your own unless she were goodness itnejf." At least that is what you feel inclined to think from superficial observation, and the magnetism surrounding her in all her graceful charms almost overwhelms you with a sensuous intoxication that would make you repeat the folly of the moth round the candle did you not remember in time to

Bewaro ! Beware ! Trust her not, She is fooling thee !

If she can't captivate you in the mazy waltz, she tries the effect of a tete-a-tete eha 1 ; in some obscure corner of the room, or, while lounging as an onlooker, or wandering arm io. arm in an aimless kind oE way round the room, or perhaps she leaus you to some snug retreat 'neath the shadow of a stairway, or else behind some gigantic Eern leaves or other festive decorations. Once fall into her snares, and she then finds you are interesting, and so loug as you excite hei interest will she draw you on. After that, you cea^e to attract her attention, and elm drops you ab easily as blie djea a. rote or other bccnted flower the moment she tires of its perfume. Hesis>t her, aDd bhe either dislikes you a* being "a heariless man," or regards you as an uninteresting simpleton beneath her notice.

Outbide the ballroom she will display the same arts in different ways. Perhaps it is at the theatre, or in the concert room, or when handing her into a carriage, or escorting her either to the tram or the train, or,

better still, escorting her home. In all these she finds opportunities of trying the fascination of her witcheries upon you, and you must bo made of adamant if you escape unscathed. She will ask if you are going to so-and-so's dance, and receiving a reply in the affirmative, will ejaculate, " Really I ob, how nice 1 lam pleased. I'm sura I shall enjoy it no?v." Then yon go away under the impression that she really does feel enjoyment at the prospect of meeting you. The consequence is you probably make up your mind to go, even if you hadn't at first meant to. So she reaps her harvest, for you are only one of many. Or, quite possibly, she attends a church choir practice or choral society practice, or some amateur rehearsal, and remembers she's without her usual escort, and she confides her dilemma to you. Should she go ? She is "so timid, and one never feels safe." Then she continues : " Don't you think I ought to stay at home 7 I can't possibly come home by myself. No, I think I ought not to go." All this while she is looking at you as if she had the most perfect faith iv your disinterestedness.' She is therefore terribly shocked and surprised when, seeing no other course open to you, you politely offer to see she is unmolested on that occasion. But although she " couldn't think of such a thing" when you propose it, somehow or other you generally find yourself, when you leave, under promise to be at a particular place same days hence at a certain time. So much for the intentional flirts who do so for the gratification of their own will, or pleasure, or enjoyment, for it is hard to say which it is.

The unintentional flirt might almost equally well be called la coquette sympathique, for it is very often a sympathetic nature which leads to their actions the motives of which are misunderstood. Theyinterest themselves in your work, or your hobbies, or any other matter concerning you. And so you go sauntering along through life till one day you make a big discovery. Apd that is that she really was thinking neither more nor less than of the particular subject, or object, or work, you happened then to have had in hand, and had never had a thought of a deeper natnre at all about you. In such a case it is not easy to say who merits the blame, the dupe or duper.

The same may be said of similar kinds of male flirts. They have not unlikely looked after particular members of the gentler sex from a feeling of chivalry, or the thought that being the stronger 'twas but right they should take care of the weaker. So they go on, doing, by means of the attention they bestow on the objects of their friendship, that very mischief they would be the last to willingly inflict. Not infrequently these ones receive from some the same sort of pain they themselves inadvertently have given to others; for, not seeing the injuries they are liable to render to others, they are unable to guard themselves from similar misfortunes.

Of the male flirts following such an occupation from a natural taste for it, or from an acquired one either, the less said tho better. It is anything but a manly practice, and can only be followed by those who are practised in deception or devoid of all generous feelings and ennobling thoughts. There may be exceptions, such as those alluded to in the beginning of this composition, who do so from a revengeful feeling of vindictiveness induced by the treatment they once had to endure from creatures as ruthless as they have themselves now become.

Taken as a whole, flirting is not the most desirable of social employments. There is no defined raison d'etre for it, and it could easily be done without. Nevertheless it has every appearance of being a permanent evil, and as what cannot be cured must of necessity be endured, the only thing to be done is to try and lessen it. A slight and judicious attempt at forethought for the feelings of others", and a small amonnt of consideration as to the result of our actions, would do a little towards this end. Beyond that it seems impossible to go. Therefore, let us go with our eyes open, and " Take care I " and " Beware I " for flirts and flirtations seem to be quite as capable of lasting as love, hatred, selfishness, and carelessness. Indeed the whole lot seem to be connected in an indissoluble mystery.